Finding A Middle Ground
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Finding A Middle Ground
| Mon, 10-23-2006 - 12:00pm |
Hi everyone. I have a question. My boyfriend and I broke up about 2 months ago after living together for a little over a year. I broke it off because I feel I'm to young to be in a serious relationship that was leading towards marriage. I haven't even graduated college. We were just not on the same page. However the past few weeks have been hard for me. I have been making some decisions that my be self destructive. I been going out on the weekends, getting drunk with my friends then ending up at my exes house. Then about 2 weeks ago I ended up sleeping with one of my male friends. And to top it off I went out this past weeked and ended up hooking up with someone from where I live. All these things that I have been doing I want to do at the time but then regret them the next day. I don't know if I'm making a big deal out of all this. After all I am single, but then why do I feel so bad? I just can't seem to find a medium. Either I stay home all weekend or I go out and do things I feel are bad (for lack of a better word). Please help.

>>After all I am single, but then why do I feel so bad? <<
Just because you are single doesn't mean you have to live the so-called 'single life' of partying and hooking up. If it makes you feel bad, there's a reason. Don't just do these things because everyone else is doing them or you feel like that's the normal operating procedure for a single person.
My advice to you is to make a pact with yourself. Before you go out with friends, commit to only having one or two drinks and then switching to soda. promise yourself you won't hook up with some guy. You CAN have fun without getting drunk or sleeping with someone - and you don't have to stay home all weekend. Also, maybe spend time with girlfriends going to dinner, the movies, etc. - places where alcohol isn't the focus.
My other piece of advice is to sit in your feelings. It seems like you might not be giving yourself the time and space to think and feel about your ex after the breakup. The drinking and hookups could be masking your feelings about your recent relationship.
The best thing you can do is let yourself FEEL the emotions from that breakup and give yourself time to figure out what you really want in life.
Good luck and HUGS. We all have moments in life when we question what we're doing, and this too will pass.
AJ, enjoying life with C.
I agree 100%! You're going through a very difficult time right now, even though it was your idea. I commend you for doing what was best for you, sometimes that's the hardest thing to do.
Let yourself 'grieve' for your ex even though it sucks. I went through a very difficult break-up at a time when I was working 80 hour weeks. To get through the day, I would drink at night, by myself. I would get home from work at 10:30pm or so and drink until I was drunk enough not to 'think' and then I'd fall asleep. I fell into this pattern for a couple months because I was afraid to face what I was feeling and as a result never dealt with it until my relationship after that one ended. I'm not saying you're going to the same extreme but it sounds like you're trying to avoid it a bit.
Go out with friends and ask them to help you not drink as much and go home with them, and not random guys! Also look at picking up new things to take up your time...Do you have a favorite clothing store? They are probably hiring for the holidays and you know that discount will make you feel good too. Plus you'll be around new people with the same sense of style who don't know your 'previous life'.
Again, congrats on sticking up for what you needed and wanted! We're always here if you need to vent or just need a little extra support!
I'm guessing that if you hadn't drank as much, you wouldn't have done those things.