First Choice

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2003
First Choice
4
Sat, 07-08-2006 - 10:37am

Question for the girls AND the guys:

How important is it you to be the "first" choice? As in, someone goes out with you, dumps you because they feel it's not working (for whatever reason), but then comes back to you several months later on after dating around?

(And by "not working" I'm not referring to major issues, i.e., drinking, drugs, abuse - that sort.)

This is actually something my girlfriends and I have been discussing and I'm getting a variety of opinions here. Just curious what everyone here thinks.

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
In reply to: emdeesea
Sat, 07-08-2006 - 10:46am

I don't know that everytime you stop seeing someone it's about not being a first choice.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2004
In reply to: emdeesea
Sat, 07-08-2006 - 1:10pm
I think it really depends on what the situational issues were in the beginning. Meaning if he dumped you for another girl, I would say heck no. But if he had never really dated before and wanted to get some out of his system before he settled down with you, I say give it a chance. There are a lot of reasons why a guy will not date a girl, but then come back and want to start a relationship, like if they were not ready for anything serious in the beginning and did not want to hurt the girl because of that.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2005
In reply to: emdeesea
Sun, 07-09-2006 - 9:11pm

I think it always feels a little gratifying for an ex to want you back after being broken up. My most recent ex wanted to get back together after 5 months apart and I declined because the reasons we broke up were still there and he wasn't the person I wanted to be with. For me it was like "HA...that's right I am a catch!" and "you're right, you did screw up, over and over".

At this point, I would not get back together with any of my ex's...each relationship was given all we both had and it didn't work, time to move on.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2006
In reply to: emdeesea
Mon, 07-10-2006 - 5:26am

I once asked this question a few months ago....I asked specifically b/c of my friend who is a big handsome muscular guy who attracted the attention of every female in any room he walks into and how girls would approach him and then approach me or one of my other friends simply as a last ditch effort to get close to him. My friends have had girls go out with them once or twice and very obvioulsy ask questions as to how they can get to know my friend...

This friend of mine who gets all these girls is the friend of mine who does steriods by the way for those of you who remember my efforts to start taking steriods.

Anyway I know what you mean about being second choice. Personally I hate to know a girl approaches other guys then sees me and tries me because I was not first in the pecking order...if you know what I mean...but look at it this way...Steven Spielberg wanted Tom Selleck to play Indiana Jones....and then decided to ask Harrison Ford. Michael Jordan made his high school basketball team as a backup. Does anyone now question Harrison Ford as Indiana Jones or Michael Jordan as a basketball player?

Put simply...everything happens for a reason and in the end everything falls into place as it should. Being a first choice means nothing...