First Impressions

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
First Impressions
4
Mon, 06-02-2003 - 5:49pm
Buddy got me thinking. He described one of his many women as "boytoy" material and seemed like lots of fun. The others (if I remember right) were just "relationship" material.

So, what does a gal (or guy) do in a short amount of time that gives the impression of just being "a good time" or a "boytoy"? I'm not talking about the obvious things- scantily clad, kissing strange men, slopping drunk- but the more subtle things. Or are there only obvious things?

Also, what does a gal (or guy) do to make you think she's relationship material the first time you meet? Do you think you can really tell in just a short amount of time?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 06-02-2003 - 7:00pm
i think some women just seem like they can have sex just for the fun of it - ie. they can love ya then leave ya in the span of a few hours. it's almost as if they see guys the way most guys see girls...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 06-02-2003 - 8:31pm
A guy who has potential will treat me like a lady - make a plan in advance for a date, show up on time, hold doors for me if necessary, have good manners and not curse or make sexual remarks on a first date, show interest in me, mention his family in a positive way, assume he is going to pay and make sure I have a safe way to get home. No I cannot tell if he is relationship material that early on but I can weed out the men who are definitely not.
Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Mon, 06-02-2003 - 10:51pm
What if you only have a few minutes with a guy? Let's say you're at the grocery store and you have a three minute conversation about apples, then he asks for your number. What things would make you go ICK and what things would make you respond positively (I say it that way, because I know you wouldn't just hand your number over). Are there things that tell you what a guy is looking for after just a tiny bit of conversation?

I know what you look for in a date, but what about Joe Shmoe on the street?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 06-03-2003 - 8:39am
Here are the things I would look for - nature of eye contact, whether I am attracted, whether he has a ring on, the tone of his voice - if he has a heavy brooklyn accent, forget it, or uses bad grammar - his smile - warm? sincere? also, the nature of his approach - it's been almost 14 years but I still remember the best approach ever at a singles dance - we ended up being friends for over 9 years and dating about a dozen times but never seriously. I was standing around, he was on the other side of a pole and he just casually stepped around and said "hi" - totally normal, warmly but not suggestively, etc. Perfection. He later became famous as a wall street superstar and I bet part of that was his rapport with people. Anyway, no i wouldn't be able to tell whether they were relationship material, just whether they seemed "safe" and "normal" (having grown up with a parent with mental illness I havce a radar for instability I think).

A similar experience happened to me with a man I met 5 years ago in my building - we met quickly - a short elevator ride - but we clicked and he seemed warm - he turned out to be not ready for anything serious but we had a decent time.

It is rare that I meet men that casually - part of the issue is that I only date Jewish men so if it is not in the context of a jewish event or if the last name or the features aren't obviously jewish, I will not know until I find that out whether he is appropriate for me. I would still give my number but would find out on the first call. In high school when I still dated non Jewish guys I remember being shocked when a guy with the last name of Chico ended up being jewish, so you never know . . . .