That first phone call

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
That first phone call
14
Sun, 09-28-2003 - 4:09pm

I need a green-faced icon to show how I feel right now!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2003
Sun, 09-28-2003 - 6:20pm
I feel the same way as you do. Talking to strangers on the phone is so mystical. I had started to get these anonymous phone calls from different people that I don't even know at all. It was all so confusing for me. Now I don't even get any mystery phone calls after I put my phone calls to unblock. I think I know who started these confusing phone calls. That person must got it all resolved now before we really got to talk. Just be happy that this all happened.Good luck.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-05-2003
Sun, 09-28-2003 - 7:20pm
Oh no, shywon - you're not the only one. Actually, I'm going through the same thing right now. A guy I contacted on a dating site gave me his phone number on Friday. I haven't called yet but I will. I was going to call today - but maybe I'll call tomorrow. I also get really nervous when it comes to talking on the phone - especially with someone I've never met. Good luck.

jhoover

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Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Sun, 09-28-2003 - 7:43pm

"I haven't called yet but I will. I was going to call today - but maybe I'll call tomorrow"


Okay, let's make a pact.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-05-2003
Sun, 09-28-2003 - 7:51pm
It's a deal!

jhoover

p.s. Are those "real" reasons for not calling tonight or are you procrastinating? ;-)

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Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Sun, 09-28-2003 - 8:41pm

Of course they're real reasons! Would I procrastinate?


I actually would like to get it over with tonight, but for some reason, he said he's only available until 8.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2003
Mon, 09-29-2003 - 8:53am
Hi,

I know how you feel! :-) I'm not naturally great at stuff like this either. However, I have improved greatly since I started online dating - i'm no phone queen, but I do pretty well now. If you're interested . . . what has helped me is that I don't put a lot of thought or expectations or pressure into that phone call. I just call (or pick up, if he calls me) and see where the conversation goes. If there is a lull in the conversation, there are always basic and safe topics to fall back on - favorite movies, where he's from, family, where he went to college, current events, etc.

Most important is that you pay attention to how he converses - is he polite, respectful, etc. - it's easy to miss that stuff when you're worried about what YOU are saying (believe me, I've been there). And, an added bonus - if you focus on evaluating him, you'll probably feel less pressure on your end.

Good luck! :-)

ginger

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-05-2003
Mon, 09-29-2003 - 7:57pm
So shywon...Did you do it? Did you call him tonight?

I DID!!

I'm waiting for your answer and then I'll tell you how it went for me.

jhoover

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Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Mon, 09-29-2003 - 11:11pm

Yep, I called.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 09-30-2003 - 10:07am
congrats, shy. way to conquer your fear. :-)


i think its a little early to make assumptions about his desperation level?


my guess is he'll ask ya out on the next phone call (crossing fingers).

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-05-2003
Tue, 09-30-2003 - 7:09pm
Okay shywon...guess it's my turn.

The conversation went quite smoothly. We talked without any awkward silences either. He's actually metioned in both his profile and his first email to me that he is extremely shy. He said that if it weren't for online dating he'd probably never date because he never has the nerve to just go up to a woman and start talking to her - let alone ask her out on a date. What surprised me is that he was able to talk to me without any problem. He admitted that he was a little surprised himself at how easily he was keeping up his end of the conversation.

Anyhow, he mentioned meeting several times during the conversation. But he also said that he was very nervous about meeting. He also said that he was nervous about calling me and preferred that I call him. I said that if I got over my fear of calling him then he has to make the next move and call me. So, he agreed and said he'd call the next day (i.e. today) and we can decide when and where to meet. He kept saying that dating and calling women makes him so nervous because he's so shy.

He's done online dating for a while now actually. He said that he's had a number of first dates and two 6 week long relationships as a result. He said that he really wants to meet someone with whom he can develop something longterm. His last serious relationship (12 yr long rel'nship) ended 2 yrs ago and they are no longer in contact.

I have never gone out with someone who claims to be shy around women. I'm so used to really assertive guys that this seems a little weird. I wonder if he really will call - and are some guys really so shy that they get nervous about calling or asking out a woman even if he pretty much knows he won't get rejected?

jhoover

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