Fixing a Broken Picker
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|Fri, 07-27-2012 - 12:54am|
Perhaps a few of you have come to the same realization that I have: my picker is broken. I probably wouldn't know a good man if he rode up on a white steed with two dozen long stem roses and 5 carats. I hate to admit it, but in this area of life I have failed so far.
Part of me is so exhausted by repeatedly dashed hopes that I cannot even muster the energy to dream anymore. Another part of me thinks, "Surely, it's not that hard to fix whatever's wrong with me and become more "chill" about the innumerable flaws most men have when you get to know them."
I firmly believe the adage "You attract what you ARE, not what you WANT." Ergo, my admitting to the busted picker. Yes, I have a tangled past - who doesn't? Yes, I have become cynical. Yes, I have burned many other people and been burned many times myself. All said, it must be that I am the relationally challenged one.
How in the world can I possibly get perspective on myself enough to resolve whatever issues are causing me to prefer unavailable or completely unsuitable men? I can't count how many therapists of all levels I've seen in my life, how many speakers, books, courses and lectures I've attended on personal growth and development.
I felt a lightning bolt of chemistry today with a man who drove past me in a workman's van. Like, earth-shaking chemistry. If I was a casting director, I'd cast him as an "enforcer" for a mob boss. I didn't even know I liked that type. It was all I could do not to turn around and tail him. In my luxury sports car, tailing a service worker, trying to pick him up, just because I thought he was hot. This is ridiculous. But that's more chemistry than I feel in a month! In three months!
HOW DO WE/I RECOGNIZE the thought patterns that make my brain misfire and choose men who are wrong for me? HOW do I start picking the right ones? How do you? Are we the blind leading the blind with that question? I don't know. But I must resolve this. Dare I say WE must resolve this.