Is This A Flag?-Sort of OT

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2001
Is This A Flag?-Sort of OT
8
Wed, 11-06-2013 - 4:29pm

A little off topic for this board but I also posted on the online dating board:

So I thought I finally met a "normal" guy online.  Nice looking, decent enough job, a home, kids of his own.  We texted back and forth yesterday, just the normal get to know each other banter.  During the texting he sent me a pic of himself.  Later in the texting he sent me another.  I though ooooook.  He either really likes himself or he is just sending pics to make me feel more comfortable that he is a real person?  Then he asked me to text him one of myself.  I told him that the 3 I had on my profile were all I have (truth) and that I did not have them on my phone anyway (another truth). He texted me this morning wishing me a good day.  Nice.  At lunch he texted some more.  He asked what I did and I told him I was an admin.  I mentioned that I worked with about 35 men and 3 other women and that the guys were more dramatic than the girls.  He texted back "lol-you have 35 men looking at you!" I replied haha, I do indeed. But then his next reply threw me a little.  He asked if I date men I work with.  I was again honest and said 1 man, 1 date only, before that never.I left out the info about MB since we only flirt and have never gone out. I then turned the question back on him.  He only said Never and that was that, end of texts. Whatcha think?  Is he a jealous controlling kind of guy?  Too soon to say?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Wed, 11-06-2013 - 5:28pm

I really don't see how you can make a leap from him asking if you dated guys at work to he is jealous & controlling?  One problem with texting is that you don't get someone's tone of voice or facial expression so sometimes it's hard to tell if someone is joking or serious.  My ex always used to make jokes about how all the men who came into my office would want to date me--but it was definitely a joke, not jealousy.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2001
Wed, 11-06-2013 - 7:35pm

It very well could be a leap but it's just a feeling I got.  The short reply Never when I turned the question around on him and then the end of the texting. I hope I'm wrong but I don't think I am. He went from texting like crazy to nothing right after that conversation.  I think that for whatever reason I am just an idiot magnet. I was just being honest, no sense lying about it. Dating a man from work might not have been the brightest thing I've ever done but I'm not ashamed of it. The ironic part is, that guy I dated from work, it appears that he may very well have been the best choice for me and I blew him off because MB and some others told me he was bad news. I shouldn't have listened to them but my judgement in men has not been the greatest.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Thu, 11-07-2013 - 10:23am

Well if the guy is upset because you told him that you dated one man from work once, then he is an idiot.  what is wrong with dating someone you work with?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Thu, 11-07-2013 - 11:06am

 "What is wrong with dating someone you work with"?

Everything.  Some companies even have policy to discourage dating, and/or transfer place people who are dating/living together/married so they don't work in the same department.

Dating (and breaking up with) co-workers makes a messy and awkward work environment not only for the people involved but others around them.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Thu, 11-07-2013 - 10:24pm

What I meant was that it would be very odd that a guy would refuse to date her just because she said she once dated someone she worked with.  I recognize that problems can occur when you date someone you work with but not always. (Two of my son's favorite high school teachers are married to each other.)

Avatar for floridagirl52
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
Fri, 11-08-2013 - 8:24am

This is yet another reason why I think it's important to meet before starting an electronic "relationship." You can't see thier face or hear the tone of their voice. I'd also rather keep contact through the dating site rather than personal email or texts. And NO FACEBOOK before you meet. I think a few pleasant emails should suffice to determine if you want to meet or not, unless it's long-distance, which creates a whole other set of challenges. 

I'm on a computer all day for my work--I'm just not a big fan of texting and emailing someone all day anyway. The point of it all is to meet or move on. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2006
Fri, 11-08-2013 - 7:18pm

Love is hard to find so I take it where I can so nobody is off-limit. I understand the rationale of some workplaces that outright discourage it b/c it may interfere with productivity or in a team work setting could be awkward. This is particularly true in a office setting where people have to do projects together. I suppose if you meet someone at work and your r/s is official, a transfer is in order or one person must find another job. For me it's different but my line of work is different too unless the r/s is between two people not on equal footing such as teacher/student situation. Also goes without saying no dating patients. In a corporation it's OK to date clients since the nature of the r/s is different.

So I wouldn't have any qualms if someone tell me they dated a co-worker (as long as no boundary violation). If anyone is so rigid as to write someone off b/c of this w/o knowing the sitch in details then he's not worth my time.

Sounds like you like him a lot so it's hard to brush it off but I'd say if you haven't met and the guy's interest get dwindled off already, it's not a go. You don't know what these guys are doing. They may be juggling several women at the same time that's why they're not in a hurry to meet or they're not serioulsy looking.

There's one guy that texted me a few times now went silent. I was of the thought that texting and endless emails (unless LD) is not conducive to bonding and lighting things in fire. It's a lazy and easy to die off. In the past, I rejcted sending more pics and texting. Now I lowered myself to that level out of desparation and it proves what I knew all along.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2001
Sat, 11-09-2013 - 9:15am

Well, evidently the 1 date with 1 man was a turn off for this online guy because I haven't received any more communication from him.  Discouraging but I figure he's not worth my time and energy if he is that judgemental.  And, we do NOT have a policy at work stating no inside relationships. My boss actually encouraged the date I had because he likes us both and thought we would make a good couple.  It just wasn't meant to be because of certain things I found out about the guys personality (drinking a lot #1 on the list) and of course the feelings I had for MB.  The date thing was just that, a date.  The thing with MB....believe me, I tried to not have feelings for him especially because of our age difference.  It was not my "goal" to fall for someone I work with, I realize the consequences it could cause. But at this age and in these times it's hard to meet people and it just developed over time before I even knew what was happening.  He wouldn't (and still doesn't) stay away from me. If I were a true cougar I would have jumped him by now, lol. But I haven't and I won't because he means something to me and the last thing I want is to be a regret on his part, plus I may have some self esteem issues but I still manage to have some respect for myself. MB is aware of my feelings and thoughts on the matter of a fwb situation because I finally told him that my feelings would get in the way. Our relationship is strange to everyone that knows anything about us (my friends, co-workers, and I'm sure all of you) but we genuinely care about each other. He is not a player, just confused about his feelings for me. He has his life sort of mapped out and being with someone 13 years older isn't a road he planned.  He will eventually figure out life doesn't always take us on the path we thought and he will give in to his feelings or one of us will find someone else and our friendship will end.  I am trying to keep myself very busy working on my house just to keep myself from being depressed over the emptiness in my life. Wanting and needing are two different things and I don't need a man.