Fling, FWB, Friend.... I dont know!!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Fling, FWB, Friend.... I dont know!!!!!
15
Tue, 06-18-2013 - 4:05pm

Hello folks..

Here is the back story... About two years ago I met a guy online dating .. We met for a date and he was really nice and we had a good time.. He is 60 years old and lives in Staten Island New York and you guys know I live on Long Island. NY.. After the date he went back home and we remained sort of friends... Talking online and on phone once in awhile.. Over the two years he has told me about his dates and last two gfriends..Both of whom sounded to me very unstable. but now he is without a relationship.. . Anyway; He never came to visit or asked me out again.. I assumed it was the distance although I never really asked and never thought much about it..

Fast forward to present time and we were talking on facebook for a few weeks and over the year and he would still call and say hi and all.. Well last week he took a ride where I live with his friend and he came to my house and we all went out for lunch and the beach and all. I think I mentioned this on my other post.. Anyway;; He is now flirting with me on facebook and I think asking me out again but I am not sure.. He said we have to go to the new restaurant where you live (me) and check that out.. I said okay anytime let me know.. He is off for the summer as he is a professor..

Now I dont care but just saying and you know us women thinking sounds like a FWB to me and wondering should I do it if that is what he is thinking or  I mean how many offers will I get at my age ?? (lol)...But do friends with benefits get dates and dinner??. So either its a fling or FWB right??

I just want to be somewhat prepared for this if it ever happens??

any thoughts/?

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Wed, 06-19-2013 - 10:22pm

I have always heard that women really bond with a man thru sex. Women have a much harder time separating love and sex, whereas a man could have sex with a different woman every night and have no bond with them. Don't think I could ever do the FWB thing unless I knew I wouldn't develop any feelings for the guy. Well maybe I could barter a nice steak dinner for sex with him. lol

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Wed, 06-19-2013 - 10:22pm

I have always heard that women really bond with a man thru sex. Women have a much harder time separating love and sex, whereas a man could have sex with a different woman every night and have no bond with them. Don't think I could ever do the FWB thing unless I knew I wouldn't develop any feelings for the guy. Well maybe I could barter a nice steak dinner for sex with him. lol

Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Wed, 06-19-2013 - 6:09pm

 Never pass up a goodthing!

chaika

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Wed, 06-19-2013 - 5:26pm

I know what you mean Music?? I def. would not get into a long distance relationship without the intentions of someone would have to move .. BTDT...

What I would like and I was talking to a guy about this is it would be nice to separate the heart and the head and the emotions like they say men do .. Men can just have sex and separate the love and all.. Women cant seem to do that.. So I would love to be able to separate all of that if the opportunity presented itself.. I am really not sure I could do that nowadays although i have done that in the past I am not the same person at this age as I was when I was younger. I would like to try it though... Maybe it has to do with not having attachments to any person place or thing and right now i have learned not to have any attachments...

Sometimes I feel there is no perfect situation anymore and there are all kinds of relationships..in 2013... Nothing is black and white anymore..

I would never feel I wasnt good enough for someone because wouldnt it have to be established the two people are going into this with the same intention?? Friends, fling or FWB or a committed relationship??

Its good to get all kinds of perspectives..

thank you everyone

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Wed, 06-19-2013 - 4:10pm

FWB is an interesting concept.  I could think of doing it if there was some reason why I couldn't have a relationship with that man, such as we are living far apart so only could see each other once in a while.  I don't believe in trying to have long distance relationships and trying to keep them exclusive when you can't be together, although it might work for some.  I guess if the person is around and you like each other, then I might always have it in the back of my mind, well why am I not good enough to have an actual relationship with you?  A friend of mine got into that situaiton because she was so deprived of sex--even in the last years of her marriage her exH didn't want to be with her, so the physical needs weren't being met.  So this guy was cheating on his live-in GF w/ her, but after the GF was out of the picture, they still didn't progress to a relationship.  I think once you start off w FWB and say you're ok with that it probably will never go any further. But I think sometimes that could be ok.  I wouldn't mind having soemone around to meet my physical needs--it looks like that isn't going to happen any time soon.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Wed, 06-19-2013 - 1:47pm

Yeah; He brought his friend and I had two men that day so I assumed it was a good day all the way around.. It was like feeling special when two men were paying attention to me.. Oh; the Irony of it....

Yes I was sort of kidding about this but even if it wasnt him I was just talking out loud about if someone came along and offered FWB I am wondering if I would do it... I mean it is true and I dont care what anyone says that as we age how many offers or opportunities do we get/? I just want to know in my heart of hearts that I am not passing up anything right now if it stares me in the face.. KWIM??? I dont want to have any regrets.. plus I dont suscribe to waiting for Mr. Right. I think at this time in my life its Mr. Right now but then again yes I have reservations about it all..

Yes it would be nice and perfect to get into a real relationship but how long do we wait for that.. ..Of course I would never get into something abusive or bad or anything but being alone now for four years is brutal..

oh; I have asked him about me and he says I am great blah blah blah but we live too far away from each other but he did say he would visit from time to time.. trust me people I dont care either way and I wont hold my breath.. I just love to talk about things happening in singledom life to keep the thread going..

 

Avatar for floridagirl52
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
Wed, 06-19-2013 - 12:50pm

"....I mean how many offers will I get at my age ?? (lol)..."

I know you might be kidding, but I think one should never settle for less because they feel they get very few offers. I would never be one to say that it's easy to connect with men when you are older, but I would rather die alone than to feel I had to jump at a chance, just because it was offered. But if you truly want a FWB (if that is what is eventually offered) then go for it.

Like the others, I don't think you can really tell what he's thinkig at this point. But I will say it doesn't seem very date-like if he brought his friend along.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Wed, 06-19-2013 - 12:52am

The year is 2013, not 1965!  Instead of worrying about what HE wants, why don't you decide what YOU want from this man, if anything.  I don't get the impression that the one date you had with him included any kind of intimacy, either.  He's talked to you as a friend, he's told you about other women he's dated, and it reallly doesn't matter what you thought of them.  Now you think he's flirting with you on facebook?  How?  He mentioned going to a new restaurant, but hasn't confirmed a specific date.  It doesn't sound like he's looking for much of anything at all!  But, as I said, the year is 2013, and if YOU want to see more of him, then why not just tell him that?  If you want a fling, or an FWB, then either tell him that, or at least "start something" when you see him.  There are two people involved in this situation, so why are you so worried about what he wants or doesn't want?  How about what you want or don't want......and why not go for it, IF you want it.  This isn't the past when men ruled the situation.  Women are free to do what THEY want, including make advances.......IF they want to.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Tue, 06-18-2013 - 8:07pm

Oh; Shy you make some good points. So why would a guy drive two hours for a FWB.. that wouldnt make sense.. unless I just hopped in my car and went to his house and rang the doorbell and said here I am??..oy vei

CFK.. well I think there are way too many books out there unless a new book for 2013 has to come out .. A book on how old people should date and how senior citizens get it on  and have sex.. Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm.. could be a best seller. Let me start on chapter one.... who wants to help??

oh; well I am probably making this into something it wont be but like I said I dont want to hear him tell me next week he met a girl....

You know maybe this does mean men and women cant be friends.. Hmmmmmmmmmmmm .. another interesting observation.

 

Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Tue, 06-18-2013 - 7:56pm

Free, I have an idea.  We will make a bazillion dollars, too!  All we have to do is learn how to read mens minds.  Then write a book carefully explining to all of the confused ladies out here, why men do X, Y, and Z.  

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