Fling, FWB, Friend.... I dont know!!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Fling, FWB, Friend.... I dont know!!!!!
15
Tue, 06-18-2013 - 4:05pm

Hello folks..

Here is the back story... About two years ago I met a guy online dating .. We met for a date and he was really nice and we had a good time.. He is 60 years old and lives in Staten Island New York and you guys know I live on Long Island. NY.. After the date he went back home and we remained sort of friends... Talking online and on phone once in awhile.. Over the two years he has told me about his dates and last two gfriends..Both of whom sounded to me very unstable. but now he is without a relationship.. . Anyway; He never came to visit or asked me out again.. I assumed it was the distance although I never really asked and never thought much about it..

Fast forward to present time and we were talking on facebook for a few weeks and over the year and he would still call and say hi and all.. Well last week he took a ride where I live with his friend and he came to my house and we all went out for lunch and the beach and all. I think I mentioned this on my other post.. Anyway;; He is now flirting with me on facebook and I think asking me out again but I am not sure.. He said we have to go to the new restaurant where you live (me) and check that out.. I said okay anytime let me know.. He is off for the summer as he is a professor..

Now I dont care but just saying and you know us women thinking sounds like a FWB to me and wondering should I do it if that is what he is thinking or  I mean how many offers will I get at my age ?? (lol)...But do friends with benefits get dates and dinner??. So either its a fling or FWB right??

I just want to be somewhat prepared for this if it ever happens??

any thoughts/?

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Wed, 06-19-2013 - 4:10pm

FWB is an interesting concept.  I could think of doing it if there was some reason why I couldn't have a relationship with that man, such as we are living far apart so only could see each other once in a while.  I don't believe in trying to have long distance relationships and trying to keep them exclusive when you can't be together, although it might work for some.  I guess if the person is around and you like each other, then I might always have it in the back of my mind, well why am I not good enough to have an actual relationship with you?  A friend of mine got into that situaiton because she was so deprived of sex--even in the last years of her marriage her exH didn't want to be with her, so the physical needs weren't being met.  So this guy was cheating on his live-in GF w/ her, but after the GF was out of the picture, they still didn't progress to a relationship.  I think once you start off w FWB and say you're ok with that it probably will never go any further. But I think sometimes that could be ok.  I wouldn't mind having soemone around to meet my physical needs--it looks like that isn't going to happen any time soon.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Wed, 06-19-2013 - 5:26pm

I know what you mean Music?? I def. would not get into a long distance relationship without the intentions of someone would have to move .. BTDT...

What I would like and I was talking to a guy about this is it would be nice to separate the heart and the head and the emotions like they say men do .. Men can just have sex and separate the love and all.. Women cant seem to do that.. So I would love to be able to separate all of that if the opportunity presented itself.. I am really not sure I could do that nowadays although i have done that in the past I am not the same person at this age as I was when I was younger. I would like to try it though... Maybe it has to do with not having attachments to any person place or thing and right now i have learned not to have any attachments...

Sometimes I feel there is no perfect situation anymore and there are all kinds of relationships..in 2013... Nothing is black and white anymore..

I would never feel I wasnt good enough for someone because wouldnt it have to be established the two people are going into this with the same intention?? Friends, fling or FWB or a committed relationship??

Its good to get all kinds of perspectives..

thank you everyone

Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Wed, 06-19-2013 - 6:09pm

 Never pass up a goodthing!

dragowoman

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Wed, 06-19-2013 - 10:22pm

I have always heard that women really bond with a man thru sex. Women have a much harder time separating love and sex, whereas a man could have sex with a different woman every night and have no bond with them. Don't think I could ever do the FWB thing unless I knew I wouldn't develop any feelings for the guy. Well maybe I could barter a nice steak dinner for sex with him. lol

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Wed, 06-19-2013 - 10:22pm

I have always heard that women really bond with a man thru sex. Women have a much harder time separating love and sex, whereas a man could have sex with a different woman every night and have no bond with them. Don't think I could ever do the FWB thing unless I knew I wouldn't develop any feelings for the guy. Well maybe I could barter a nice steak dinner for sex with him. lol

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