Flings and Open Relationships
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| Tue, 04-17-2007 - 8:33pm |
This is sort of 2 separate questions, but they're somewhat interlinked. First off, I've been thinking about relationships and why I don't want them. Some of it has to do with that I don't necessarily desire to put all the time, money and effort into dating her, building the relationship. Some of it has to do with the fact that I don't want to put up with the inevitable fights and drama that comes with every relationship, nor the heartbreak and breakup that probably 99.9% of relationships end in.
But the biggest reason I don't want a relationship is because I don't want to be monogamous. The idea of spending all that time with only 1 girl isn't all that attractive. I'd rather have just casual hookups, ONSs, FWBs, and so forth, but a lot of you have said that doesn't seem like a feasible option in my foreseeable future. So I was wondering if "flings" and "open relationships" were a feasible alternative.
First off, I'm not quite exactly sure what a "fling" is. Is a fling just a really short, really fast relationship? Because honestly, I wouldn't mind being in a relationship with a girl if it was only for a few weeks and I could just move onto someone else afterwards. If that's the case, how do you have a fling?
Second of all, what does it take to have an "open relationship." Because I honestly wouldn't mind being in a relationship with a girl so much as long I was still free to pursue other sexual opportunities. So I'm just wondering, as women, what would it take for you to be okay with a man you were in a relationship with sleeping with other women?

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I'm normally a lurker here, and have read several of your posts, redonculous. I couldn't help but reply to this one.
Why do you think you could get a fling/open relationship if you cant even get a date? If you can't even talk to a girl without falling over your words, how are you going to be able to charm a girl to sleep with you? I just don't understand why you are worried about what kind of "relationship" you want with a girl, when you should be focusing on the basic building blocks of communication, confidence, etc.
Another thing that perplexes me, is you seem to want this girl to be quite attractive (from previous posts). Thats fine, but if you are not attractive yourself, you're setting yourself up for failure. If you honestly don't care about these girls and just want to have sex, maybe try something in your own "league", which includes looks, among other things (maturity, emotional stability/health, social competence, etc).
A fling is another word for FWB and has been descibed to you in over 200 posts. Reread them. Generally, an open relationship comes to fruition if both members in a stable relationship are VERY open about sex and are NOT jealous people. These people usually have been together for quite awhile and want to break up the "routine". There are 2 sex boards (taboos and let's talk about sex)that might be able to better answer that question than me.
Tom
How do you have a fling? Go on vacation somewhere and try to find someone to hook up with. Or find someone who's moving or something like that. A fling needs to have an endpoint that's caused by circumstances in order to work. Picking someone who's graduating this spring would be another possibility.
There's nothing that could make a non-monogamous relationship "ok" with me. It would always be something I would be unhappy with if I were to be in that situation (which I try to avoid). Edited to add, it's going to be as hard to find a woman who's ok with a non-monogamous relationship as it is to find someone who's ok with casual sex so I don't think this will help you.
But like the other poster, I'm also curious about how you're planning to find all these women to be non-monogamous with.
Edited 4/17/2007 9:13 pm ET by northwestwanderer
Go to a place such as myspace, craig'slist.com, lavalife.com, Americansingles.com, aol, match.com, you get the idea, and post this:
"I am looking for a fling and or an open relationship"
Include a little bit about yourself such as height, weight, a general and honest description of your looks. Maybe include whether or not you are in school, your hobbies/interests. Also very important, post a picture, a good one. You will not get many, if any, replies if you do not post a picture. Some of these websites (I know lavalife does) even have special areas that specialize in "discreet encounters".
If you are smart, you will not be picky. The more people you meet up with in person, the better your chances are of reaching this goal of yours. Take what you can get, just use protection. One more thing, once you start emailing back and forth, don't send more than a couple. Set up a time and place (bar, cafe) to meet almost immediately.
That should do it. Sit back and see what rolls in, brother.
>>>Why do you think you could get a fling/open relationship if you cant even get a date? If you can't even talk to a girl without falling over your words, how are you going to be able to charm a girl to sleep with you? I just don't understand why you are worried about what kind of "relationship" you want with a girl, when you should be focusing on the basic building blocks of communication, confidence, etc.<<<
I guess so. It's just that it gets really discouraging at times to think about the huge distance there is between where I am now and where I want to be, and the long road ahead of me. They say the first few steps are always the hardest, but it's so hard to keep on pushing. I tried my luck at asking some girls out last week, and none of them took, and it completely shattered whatever little confidence I had at that point.
>>>Another thing that perplexes me, is you seem to want this girl to be quite attractive (from previous posts).<<<
She doesn't have to be a model or an actress or anything. She doesn't need to have the perfect face with large breasts and a small waist. She just needs to have a cute face and an okay body. I'd say maybe 30% of girls are attractive to me.
>>>Thats fine, but if you are not attractive yourself, you're setting yourself up for failure. If you honestly don't care about these girls and just want to have sex, maybe try something in your own "league", which includes looks, among other things (maturity, emotional stability/health, social competence, etc).<<<
In all honesty, looks and physical attractiveness are my only criteria. So I'm perfectly happy to sacrifice all the other stuff (maturity, emotional stability/health, social competence, etc). To be honest, those things aren't even a factor when I'm considering a girl.
But there's no way I can ever hookup with a girl who doesn't pass my bare minimum physical attractiveness standards because 1) I would feel utterly disgusted and ashamed of myself if I ever hooked up with a girl I wasn't attracted to and 2) it would be physically impossible. How would I be able to get aroused if I wasn't attracted to her?
"She doesn't have to be a model or an actress or anything. She doesn't need to have the perfect face with large breasts and a small waist. She just needs to have a cute face and an okay body. I'd say maybe 30% of girls are attractive to me."
In a room of 100 women,
<<< Because honestly, I wouldn't mind being in a relationship with a girl if it was only for a few weeks and I could just move onto someone else afterwards.>>>
You can't find girl #1 and you're worried about how to skip on to girl #2 once you've finished up with the first non-existant girl?
<<>>
It would take Hell freezing over for me to be OK with that.
But you might luck out if you check out the swinger websites.
I still don't get how he hasn't gotten this after all the posts but whatever.
Redonculous. I suggest adult friend finder. That will be your BEST bet for finding the kind of people you are searching for. They are the kind of people looking for FWB's, flings, and open relationships.
Smile,
Deirdre
>>>In a room of 100 women, there are 70 to whom you wouldn't give the time of day.<<<
Why is that wrong? Women deem just as many men, even more, as "undateable," "slobs," "losers" and so forth.
>>>And you wonder why you can't get a date. Ya know, WOMEN can pick up this vibe and blow you off faster than a tornado through a trailer park. At least 95 of those 100 WOMEN in the room don't appreciate being treated as objects.<<<
I don't know how many more times I can say this.
I am not trying to hook up with WOMEN.
I am trying to hook up with G-I-R-L-S. Girls who're dumb and naive and don't have a shred of personality or substance. Girl's whose only saving grace is their looks. Is that really so difficult to understand?
Edited 4/24/2007 11:20 am ET by redonculous
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