Flings and Open Relationships

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2006
Flings and Open Relationships
38
Tue, 04-17-2007 - 8:33pm

This is sort of 2 separate questions, but they're somewhat interlinked. First off, I've been thinking about relationships and why I don't want them. Some of it has to do with that I don't necessarily desire to put all the time, money and effort into dating her, building the relationship. Some of it has to do with the fact that I don't want to put up with the inevitable fights and drama that comes with every relationship, nor the heartbreak and breakup that probably 99.9% of relationships end in.

But the biggest reason I don't want a relationship is because I don't want to be monogamous. The idea of spending all that time with only 1 girl isn't all that attractive. I'd rather have just casual hookups, ONSs, FWBs, and so forth, but a lot of you have said that doesn't seem like a feasible option in my foreseeable future. So I was wondering if "flings" and "open relationships" were a feasible alternative.

First off, I'm not quite exactly sure what a "fling" is. Is a fling just a really short, really fast relationship? Because honestly, I wouldn't mind being in a relationship with a girl if it was only for a few weeks and I could just move onto someone else afterwards. If that's the case, how do you have a fling?

Second of all, what does it take to have an "open relationship." Because I honestly wouldn't mind being in a relationship with a girl so much as long I was still free to pursue other sexual opportunities. So I'm just wondering, as women, what would it take for you to be okay with a man you were in a relationship with sleeping with other women?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2006
Tue, 04-24-2007 - 7:00pm
Honestly, I don't know many women (actually any at this time) who would be okay with this. I may have known one or two people who were okay with this in college, otherwise, someone who is going through a transitional period in their life...other that that I think you will have a lot of trouble finding what you are looking for.
Pregnancy ticker
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2006
Tue, 04-24-2007 - 7:04pm

<>

I don't know you, but it seems like you have really high standards. Most people are attracted to people of similar attractiveness (in other words the woman has to find YOU attractive to get aroused as well). Perhaps you are being unrealistic.

Pregnancy ticker
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2006
Tue, 04-24-2007 - 10:32pm

>>>THEN WHY ARE YOU ON A W-O-M-E-N-'S MESSAGE BOARD???? Why is this SO DIFFICULT for you to understand? Why are you not on the 20-something board or a craigslist hookup site or whatever?

Are you REALLY this dense in real life? It's clear to *me* why you can't get a date. Why is it so difficult for YOU to understand?

Why do you keep coming back here if no one here has helped you? Why do you keep asking the same questions over and over and over again? Why are you on a WOMEN'S message board asking about GIRLS??

WHY?<<<

Because you were ALL girls once. Once upon a time, you were all 18 to 21 years old and liked to gossip and shop and party. And I just don't understand why you can't tell me what it took for guys to hook up with you at that age.

You all have told me "there's no script for flirting" or "every girl is different" and so forth. So why can't you just simply give me an example? Why can't you simply just tell me about a time when you hooked up with a guy? Why can't you simply just tell me how he looked, what he said, how he carried himself?

Please. All I'm asking for is a real life example, but you refuse to give it to me. Why?




Edited 4/24/2007 10:40 pm ET by redonculous
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2006
Tue, 04-24-2007 - 10:45pm

>>>Maybe you should just concentrate on school right now.<<<

School is where half the problem is. How can I concentrate? Everywhere I walk on campus, there are young, attractive girls with glossed lips, straightened hair, tans, tank tops, mini skirts, short shorts. Do you realize how frustrating and painful it is to walk around seeing that all day and not being able to have ANY of it? Not even just ONE? I mean, you probably think all men are just horny buffoons, but it really does hurt. It really does leave you feeling empty, frustrated, lonely and depressed at the end of the day.

Edited 4/24/2007 10:46 pm ET by redonculous




Edited 4/24/2007 10:46 pm ET by redonculous
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2006
Tue, 04-24-2007 - 10:48pm

>>>Go to a place such as myspace, craig'slist.com, lavalife.com, Americansingles.com, aol, match.com, you get the idea, and post this:

"I am looking for a fling and or an open relationship"

Include a little bit about yourself such as height, weight, a general and honest description of your looks. Maybe include whether or not you are in school, your hobbies/interests. Also very important, post a picture, a good one. You will not get many, if any, replies if you do not post a picture. Some of these websites (I know lavalife does) even have special areas that specialize in "discreet encounters".

If you are smart, you will not be picky. The more people you meet up with in person, the better your chances are of reaching this goal of yours. Take what you can get, just use protection. One more thing, once you start emailing back and forth, don't send more than a couple. Set up a time and place (bar, cafe) to meet almost immediately.

That should do it. Sit back and see what rolls in, brother.<<<

I already tried an sex personals site. I had an account that lasted for 2 months, for $59.00. I didn't get a single response to any of my emails or flirts, I barely got any hits on my profile.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2006
Tue, 04-24-2007 - 10:49pm

>>>I really question his sencerity. Why is he REALLY here; for advice or attention?<<<

Both. This website is the only female attention I get.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2006
Tue, 04-24-2007 - 11:04pm

(Slaps head with hand and rubs eyebrows hard)

OK dude, you have gotten more attention here than most people are willing to put up with. I seriously think that you are looking for attention. I bit my tongue last night but after reading further today, I can't take it anymore! I have given you examples from the male perspective. Nobody has ESP, so there are no mind readers that can tell you what everybody else is thinking except what goes on in their own mind. In fact, Princeton University gave up on ESP as well since nobody else believes it enough to fund them.

Here's one, go experience real life. There's a whole world out there and you will NEVER learn about sitting in front of a computer or MTV! And judging by your posts you live near NYC. The same NYC I visit on a monthly basis with my friends and we have no trouble talking to women and if we wanted to, pick them up. The same NYC that has more single women per square mile than anywhere else in the world.

As you have read, a great majority of these WOMEN were GOOD girls back in the day. Enough is enough, if you had spent enough time looking for anonymous sex as you have "anonymous" advice here, you would have gotten laid a long time ago.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2006
Tue, 04-24-2007 - 11:08pm
I've clenched my fist so hard reading this thread, I'm starting to wondering if they can declaw humans. I may draw blood soon
Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Wed, 04-25-2007 - 12:31am
Have you tried any of the free sites out there? It seems you'd be more likely to find what you are looking for online.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2006
Wed, 04-25-2007 - 12:45am
I just don't understand why I can't just go for the girls I see around campus everyday.