Flings and Open Relationships

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2006
Flings and Open Relationships
38
Tue, 04-17-2007 - 8:33pm

This is sort of 2 separate questions, but they're somewhat interlinked. First off, I've been thinking about relationships and why I don't want them. Some of it has to do with that I don't necessarily desire to put all the time, money and effort into dating her, building the relationship. Some of it has to do with the fact that I don't want to put up with the inevitable fights and drama that comes with every relationship, nor the heartbreak and breakup that probably 99.9% of relationships end in.

But the biggest reason I don't want a relationship is because I don't want to be monogamous. The idea of spending all that time with only 1 girl isn't all that attractive. I'd rather have just casual hookups, ONSs, FWBs, and so forth, but a lot of you have said that doesn't seem like a feasible option in my foreseeable future. So I was wondering if "flings" and "open relationships" were a feasible alternative.

First off, I'm not quite exactly sure what a "fling" is. Is a fling just a really short, really fast relationship? Because honestly, I wouldn't mind being in a relationship with a girl if it was only for a few weeks and I could just move onto someone else afterwards. If that's the case, how do you have a fling?

Second of all, what does it take to have an "open relationship." Because I honestly wouldn't mind being in a relationship with a girl so much as long I was still free to pursue other sexual opportunities. So I'm just wondering, as women, what would it take for you to be okay with a man you were in a relationship with sleeping with other women?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2005
Wed, 04-25-2007 - 8:33am
LOL - it's really not worth getting so upset. I just roll my eyes.


iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2005
Wed, 04-25-2007 - 8:50am

<<< if you had spent enough time looking for anonymous sex as you have "anonymous" advice here, you would have gotten laid a long time ago.>>>

OMG - coffee....through the nose....all over the keyboard.


iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2005
Wed, 04-25-2007 - 11:07am

I can't resist one more response.

Have you never heard the phrase "You don't look at the mantelpiece when you're poking the fire?"

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2006
Wed, 04-25-2007 - 11:43am

>>>I can't resist one more response.

Have you never heard the phrase "You don't look at the mantelpiece when you're poking the fire?"<<<

No. What does it mean?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2003
Wed, 04-25-2007 - 11:58am

Sounds to me like you've already tried everything and with no success. I think its time to hang it up for a bit.

I think the best option for you is online porn and masturbation.




Edited 4/25/2007 11:58 am ET by cl214
Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Wed, 04-25-2007 - 12:31pm
It doesn't seem as though you are truly putting forth any effort in order to have them. At least, I haven't read any evidence of such.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2005
Wed, 04-25-2007 - 1:30pm
when i was a "girl," all the men i had flings with were hot, self-confident jerks. the only time i didn't focus on looks was if the guy seemed to have relationship potential. i know you are very focused on the physical now, and i thought the free web sites (cragslist, etc.) were a good idea for indulging that. but, i think it would be good for you in the future to get to really know a woman or two, and see how beauty and personality intertwine. you may find that a woman who would previously have failed your attractiveness test has a special spark that takes more than a moment to see. i am sorry you're frustrated, but honestly, not really. you want to treat women like all those jerks treated me, and that is a period in my life i don't much miss.
good luck
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
Sat, 04-28-2007 - 12:56am

"School is where half the problem is. How can I concentrate? Everywhere I walk on campus, there are young, attractive girls with glossed lips, straightened hair, tans, tank tops, mini skirts, short shorts. Do you realize how frustrating and painful it is to walk around seeing that all day and not being able to have ANY of it? Not even just ONE?"


I gotta know, where do you go to school? 'Cause where I go to school, I see NO girls who are like this... most of them are in sweats or jeans and t-shirts. The ones who are dressed nicely, are usually in internships or some other professional part of their studies.


"I mean, you probably think all men are just horny buffoons, but it really does hurt."


Not all men... but those horny buffoons have it basically tattooed on their foreheads, so we know to run... quickly. And in the other direction. Kinda like the man who has the shirt, "I am a bomb technician. If you see me running, try to keep up."

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