Flirting 101

Avatar for cl_shywon
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Registered: 03-20-2003
Flirting 101
16
Sat, 05-19-2007 - 12:39pm

I was thinking last night.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: cl_shywon
Sat, 05-19-2007 - 1:34pm

Flirting with some one as if he or she is a friend reveals your personality. Not every one will like your personality, but who cares? From my experience, I cannot say that loneliness is a good motivation. Whenever I do something to mitigate my misery, I end up screwing up even more ....

My psychologist told me that she is not surprised that I am afraid to approach female strangers. I was coming from a difficult background and have had little success in life. Therefore, each failure is for me a lot more painful than it is for other people. What I am trying to say, I guess, is that adding one rejection on top of another, when you are already miserable, may not be a good idea.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2005
In reply to: cl_shywon
Sat, 05-19-2007 - 2:10pm

I also find it much easier to flirt with guys I know and/or am friendly with. Unless I've had enough alcohol. Alcohol is a badge of liquid courage for me.

I have yet to be able to approach a stranger by myself and just say, "Hello, I'm Stacey," and flash my pearly whites. I couldn't do it with my boyfriend I'm with now - I tried - I walked over to where he was sitting and at the last minute, I chickened out and pretended I was just walking past him. Thank goodness I know enough people there that when I saw an older lady talking to him after they'd been next to eachother during a dance lesson, I knew I could ask her to help me. And you know what? It worked! So, I think if us shy girls were not afraid to just go flirt with a guy we think is cute, we might be pleasantly surprised. Too bad it's just so darned difficult to do! LOL

One thing I have found that does NOT work is to have your braver, equally attractive same-age friend do the introducing (unless they were already friends with one another) - I've had my friends introduce me to guys I've noticed that they were not too shy to approach...and it almost always happened that the guys were more interested in the girl who initially made the contact, and not me. So that is NOT a good plan. The only way that works is if you have another guy introduce you, or an older "motherly"-type woman do the introducing (like I did).

I have two friends who are not drop-dead gorgeous, but they are ALWAYS meeting guys when we're out and about - some of the guys are really CUTE. One of my friends who recently became single saw one of them in action one night asked me, "What's so special about her? She's not even that pretty, and that guy is GORGEOUS!" I said, "I finally figured it out - it's not necessarily about who's the prettiest. It's about who has the balls to go up and talk to them!" I really think some guys totally love that. I know my guy was psyched - he said he never would have come up to me because he thought I was too "sexy" for him and that I'd never be interested in someone like him. At the time I joked and said, "You haven't seen me in my glasses with no make-up and my hair a mess!" LOL

Edited 5/19/2007 2:10 pm ET by cl-countrygrlupnorth

Edited 5/19/2007 2:11 pm ET by cl-countrygrlupnorth




Edited 5/19/2007 2:12 pm ET by cl-countrygrlupnorth
Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
In reply to: cl_shywon
Sat, 05-19-2007 - 2:11pm

What I am trying to say, I guess, is that adding one rejection on top of another, when you are already miserable, may not be a good idea.


So you don't even try?

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
In reply to: cl_shywon
Sat, 05-19-2007 - 2:21pm

Alcohol does the same thing to me, too.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2007
In reply to: cl_shywon
Sat, 05-19-2007 - 4:12pm

I can tap into my most recent flirting experience.

I was out on thursday night, had a few drinks in me and started talking to a girl at the bar I thought what pretty cute. Turns out we had a class together a few years ago, and she thought I was cute back then (and she said I had improved since shaving my goatee). We just talked for a while about graduating and such, and all was going well until a few friends of mine walked in. Turns out she had recently broken up with one of my friends... and when he came in he didnt look very happy about it (he's also about 6'4" and a bigger guy then me) so I backed off.

The night did not end well though, as you can read in my "i suck at this" thread :). I need to not drink so much

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
In reply to: cl_shywon
Sat, 05-19-2007 - 5:00pm

How did you not know she was a friend's ex?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2007
In reply to: cl_shywon
Sat, 05-19-2007 - 5:54pm

I have a dif. take on flirting. I am sep. from H and now I feel my clipped wings are growing back. I'm lonely too, but due to my life now, I will need time to get myself together. I wish to date now but realistically I'll have to wait some time. Any way, I've noticed 2 things that help me with flirting. 1 - is a prop - more specifically, and ironically, my DD who's 3 and 1/2 and due to her antics it gets people to stop and talk to me (esp. other men who "can relate" to DD's behaviour), I don't purposefully use her as a prop, it just happens when I'm out and about. In e.g. I was in a bank once and DD was trying to sneak away (she's a lively one) and I blurted "get back here, or mommy's going to have to get you a leash" and the attractive man behind me in line started talking about his 2 sons and living in another bigger city and how he had to do the same for their safety, etc. I should have at that point checked out his left hand, oh well, live and learn.

Secondly, I like flirting because I like the smiling and sometimes embarrassed reaction that men have - but that's when a spontanious stituation happens, I don't often flirt in a sexual way, but seize the moment if something amusing is going on. It's kind of an aphrodisiac, and at the least it can put myself in a good mood for the rest of the day, perhaps also the man involved too. I just have to learn next how to take flirting to the next level - getting a date ;o)

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2007
In reply to: cl_shywon
Sat, 05-19-2007 - 7:23pm
Nahh different girl, the reason why my mind was elsewhere was because I was thinking about the other girl... But yeah, we arent great friends or anything, and he wasnt pissed that she was talking to me in particular, more that she was talking to anyone.
Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
In reply to: cl_shywon
Sat, 05-19-2007 - 10:10pm

Well, he sounds like a real winner.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2006
In reply to: cl_shywon
Sat, 05-19-2007 - 11:41pm
Confidence (if you don't think you're hot s**t, at least in the moment, it's not going to work) and strategic/lingering eye contact, haha. :)

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