forgive and forget?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-25-2011
forgive and forget?
13
Sun, 12-25-2011 - 10:42pm
so about 5 years ago there is this girl I was just friends with for about a year. At some point we went out on a couple dates. On the second date I drove us about 45 minutes to see a band play. it went ok until the end of the night when she very politely asked me if I wouldn't mind if she stayed there with some friends. And I ended up making that seemingly endless drive home alone....also way before this she called me up one night drunk and crying at 2 am. She was sitting in the middle of a traffic lane with a flat and needless to say I went there and changed her tire and got her out of there before the cops showed up.

Well I soon thereafter learned that she was never interested in me. She just used me to get a ride when she needed a ride and get her out of jams because she knew I would come. This has left me somewhat scarred and weary of women.

So I'm going to see her at a friends party tomorrow and I'm hoping for some advice on wether I should forgive and forget or not give her the time of day. Any thoughts?

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Community Leader
Registered: 07-16-2001
Sun, 12-25-2011 - 11:01pm
Was it clear that you were on a date when you went to see the band? If you'd been friends for a year beforehand, she might not have seen it that way unless it was explicitly stated. If she didn't think it was a date, I see nothing wrong with her actions. I also think she was calling a friend when she had a flat at 2am- something most of us would do. What makes you think she was just using you?

I'm pretty unclear about what she did that was so horrible at this point, so I say move past it. Maybe you just had expectations of her she wasn't aware of and therefore could never live up to.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-25-2011
Sun, 12-25-2011 - 11:09pm
No it was a date. That was clear. She specifically referred to it as a date when she asked me.
Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Mon, 12-26-2011 - 12:25am

Hi

Goldfish

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-25-2011
Mon, 12-26-2011 - 1:21am
After looking at other posts I thought I would be taken seriously. I guess not. Thanks for the help.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2011
Mon, 12-26-2011 - 1:57am

You do indeed seem to have been taken seriously.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-25-2011
Mon, 12-26-2011 - 2:25am
I'm telling y'all I went on a date and had an issue and all I hear is "it wasn't a date". I was there. It was a date. I think I'm at the wrong place.
Avatar for floridagirl52
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
Mon, 12-26-2011 - 7:00am

My short answer: forgive and forget.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2011
Mon, 12-26-2011 - 9:49am
I'm a guy. If I took a woman to a show and she bailed on me to go with some friends, then that finalizes that we are not going to be dating anymore but I would still enjoy the band. She's one woman, there are plenty more. If any female I know called me at 2 am drunk and stranded, I'm there in a heartbeat because lots of bad things can happen real quick to her in that situation. That is part of being a regular person to do that. If you were driving out there just to get some grateful action at some point, then you are "using" her as much as anything.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Mon, 12-26-2011 - 10:15am

Wow..That was really good advice for the OP and I agree.. If you dont realize that you met someone for a reason and learn the hard lessons and take advice and learn from it you are going to have to keep re learning the lessons until you get it ..Unfortunately most people dont ever get it and keep repeating the same patterns over and over.. and keep making the same mistakes..

I would take the high road and say hello to her and then move on to the other guests and try to have a good time..

Community Leader
Registered: 07-16-2001
Mon, 12-26-2011 - 10:52am
I've had my share of bad dates and I'm not wounded because of it. Like JT said, we're not telling you what you want to hear and that upsets you. I suspect the same thing happened with this woman- she didn't do or say what you expected, and that upset you. Maybe she isn't worth your worry and is a horrible person. Maybe you did something to turn her off and you deserved to go home alone. Maybe she was giving you a chance because she thought you are a good guy and just didn't feel the way you do. Only she knows that.

The bottom line is that you can put aside your bitterness toward her and ask her nicely what happened or you can continue to be wounded over it. I personally would choose to heal.

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