Friend Hook Up

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-30-2003
Friend Hook Up
2
Tue, 08-21-2007 - 2:32pm

I have a male friend who I've known for years. We hang around with the same people and are part of the same gang of friends to some degree. He recently became single and is having a single summmer. We got to talking and said "were both single, wouldn't it be interesting if we dated". After that thought, we started talking about different benefits to dating each other.

Long story short, we hooked up. Unfortunately, it wasn't what we intended from our conversations. We acknowledged that we didn't want to make it a "hook up" rather, go to dinner and have a nice date. It didnt' go down that way. I feel like a notch on the bedpost to some degree. He has spent his single months hanging around alot of young girls and even discussed that not being how he wants to spend his time but we didnt' take it to the next level in the right way. Now it's awkward. He said he doesn't want to mess up the friendship but I'm not sure how to move forward. If we intended to explore dating, how do we get back there? And now I will not know if he really meant what he said about the loads of women hanging around if we can't distinguish between what happened with me and what has been happening in his single summer.

Can you bring it back when it goes in the wrong direction? Actions will speak louder than words at the end of the day. I'm just trying to figure out how to play it. And even as I type that, I'm disappointed that I now view it as a game I have to play.

I'm not sure we are well matched but the chance to explore it now has some challenges. I have remorse... Thoughts?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Tue, 08-21-2007 - 3:44pm

As I read your post, the following words struck me: remorse, game, well matched?, notch on the bedpost, loads of women.

If you two are friends, I think the best approach is a brutally honest one. Talk to him and tell him how the "hook up" made you feel. Ask him if he's interested in starting from scratch and trying a more traditional date this time. See how he responds - all may not be lost.

Also, since he is "having a single summer," it sounds to me like he is enjoying dating around and figuring out what it means to be single again. (Did he just get divorced?) If you do decide to date him, go in with the assumption that he IS dating other people and keep your expectations realistic until he seems ready to move to a more exclusive mode.

AJ, enjoying life with C.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-14-2007
Tue, 08-21-2007 - 3:46pm

Okay,
How 'bout this.

This worked for me a couple times in my younger years. IGNORE that it ever happened. "Actions" right? When you meet up together with mutual friends, laugh, talk, have a good time, "act" like nothing ever happened. That will help you get over some embarrassment. I just "acted" like nothing ever happened, didn't bring it up, and moved forward. Don't call him. Let it go.

Sorry that happened the way you really weren't planning to but it did and that's that, we've all done boo-boo's here and there and that's part of life, that's how we learn. Right?

I've got some buzz words I repeat to myself to get over any oop's. Like, "Ah, Screw it, who cares, not a big deal, let it go".