Friend just lost her Dad
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Friend just lost her Dad
| Tue, 12-05-2006 - 11:14am |
I don't know if you guys remember the last post when I was talking about my friend being upset with me because of not having me around as much after I got into this new relationship. Well, the same friend's Dad passed away on Friday. She is in Mexico right now making funeral arrangements and paying for everything. Her parents are very poor and her Dad lived down in Mexico. The death was unexpected and they say it might be due to suicide. I feel so bad for her now. I'm trying my best to be around to receive phone calls when she calls and just be there to listen. I'm telling her she's doing good and to stay strong but I just feel like I can't do enough right now. Ironically, I lost my mom to suicide too when I was a little and I still can't seem to find the right words to say to her. I know there really is nothing I can do at this point except just be there as much as I can and she's in Mexico now dealing with things so I'm of no help here in San Diego now. I think I just needed to vent about this and if anyone has any suggestions on what to say or do to make this time a little easier for her let me know. I am going to get a nice bouquet of flowers for her when she returns with a nice card and probably will cook her dinner or take her out. It's hard too because it's the holidays and I have a couple of trips planned and won't be around that much after she gets back even though I know she needs people around.

Oh, I am so sorry for your friend.
My best friend just lost her mom unexpectedly to a stroke a few weeks ago, and I have been wondering how to best support her as well.
So far, she seems to appreciate just that people talk about it, ask her how she's doing, and show that they care. I think it hurts the most when people ignore it because they don't know what to say, or it's been a little while and they forget that grief lasts well past the funeral.
I have sent my friend cards, called her, sent her e-cards, made food for the family, made a donation to an animal shelter in her mom's name, and I am helping her move her mom's house next week. In doing all of those things, I always mention her mom's memory and tell her specifically that it's ok that she cries to me and to our other friends. Sometimes, people just need permission to cry and feel safe enough among friends to do that.
If it was a suicide, I don't think that changes how you treat your friend. Just honor her dad with your words and help give her a safe place to talk about him. Letting her talk about his life and her memories of him can be really helpful.
AJ, enjoying life with C.
I think that dropping off a home cooked meal would be a very kind and deeply personal thing to do for her. The other ideas were good too but there's something about taking the time to prepare a meal for someone. It triggers all of the senses and will not go unnoticed.
I'm sorry for your friend. Try not to beat yourself up for having to travel and not knowing what to say to her. You never know, as awful as this situation is, it may just bring you two closer together.
I don't think there's ever a right thing to do or say.