friend maybe more???

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-19-2003
friend maybe more???
5
Sun, 10-19-2003 - 6:24pm
I have a friend and we have known each other for years now. I think of him as a good friend and I can talk to him about anything. I don't hang out with him overley often. I have had feelings for this guy for a long time now.

Two weeks ago we had found out that we have feelings for each other. I thought he had liked me for a long time too and everyone else could see it. We've talked since we found out and here's the reason for this post....

Lastnight we had gone out drinking and we were dancing and we ended up kissing each other. Went back to his house and just cuddled for about 4 hours. We've kissed a few times as well. He said he isn't really looking for anything serious since he he got out of a long term relationship in Sept. What I want to know is, is he just using me as a comfort doll until he knows what's going on with him because he's not sure if he wants to get back together with his ex because they still have feelings ( he thinks. He's confused)for each other or are these feelings for me genuine?

Here's another clincher, I'm unhapply attached. Could he be keping his distance until things in my scenario end? Yet, its nothing for him now cuddle with me and be close to me. I'm confused.Our friendship hasn't changed. I really hope his feelings are genuine because mine are for him. I don't want to feel like I'm being used.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-08-2002
Sun, 10-19-2003 - 8:39pm
Do you know what I would do? Just step back and avoid the situation altogether. I would end my present relationship if I were unhappy in it. I would take time to get myself together after the breakup, then begin dating again. I would assume that if the guy is interested after I become single and wants to have a serious chance at a long term relationship with me, he will ask me out on a date i.e. take me to dinner, bring me flowers (if he's the type), and afterwards maybe see a movie or a play or a concert. I wouldn't accept anything less. But I wouldn't count on him doing this. I would just begin dating lots of other guys, until I find someone who treats me well and with whom I connect.

You two don't sound like either of you is at a good place right now to have a healthy relationship.

Ava





iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2003
Sun, 10-19-2003 - 9:24pm
I agree w/Ava - I think that before you start something new w/this guy, you need to end your current relationship - happy or unhappy, you are still w/someone else. Then, I think that both you and the guy you've been cuddling with need time to yourselves to get over your respective relationships before starting something.

ginger

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 10-19-2003 - 11:08pm
His feelings may be genuine but did you not hear when he said he doesn't want anything serious? He has been very honest with you - accept the limitations and assume they will not change and decide if that is enough for you - what I would do is tell him to call me when he is ready, and not before, but that's just me. Don't make the mistake of assuming that things have changed if he has sex with you. Right now he knows that you are not the one for him - whether it is a timing issue or otherwise, he doesn't want to lead you on - do not take this personally, but don't try to analyze this simple message. Be thankful to him for being so honest.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 10-19-2003 - 11:35pm
i agree with calliopsis, too.

"He said he isn't really looking for anything serious since he he got out of a long term relationship in Sept."

-this doesn't sound like a ringing endorsement.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-19-2003
Mon, 10-20-2003 - 4:01pm
Wow. Thanks guys. You guys are right. I don't want to get into anything that may in the long run ruin our friendship. We've been friends for years and if we can't be anything else, I at least I want to keep the friendship.I did some thinking on the situaiton lastnight and and came to basically the same conlusion that I just read from your posts and I'm going to take your advice. Thanks all! :) I feel better