Friend upset, over a guy I do not like!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2003
Friend upset, over a guy I do not like!
5
Sun, 12-17-2006 - 5:27am

Hi I need some advice here.

Last night I went out to a bar for my friends b-day. I am not really that fond of bars as I do not really drink, but I have no problem going there to hang out with my friends for a friends b-day or to just see my friends if they all want to go there to watch sports games. I decided to invite on of my other friends as I have different groups of friends and I knew that I wouldn't want to be in the smoking area or with a lot of drunk people the whole night. Plus I knew that my ex b/f's close guy friend would be there as he is friends with my friends as well. So my friend I invited is my ex's close friends best girl friend. She decided to invite this guy that is friends with my ex to come as well as she has a crush on him. I have only met this guy a few times, but never really had a chance to get to know him.

So when I was hanging out with all of them I felt a slight bit uncomfortable at first because last night was the first time I have seen my ex's friends since we brokeup just about a month ago. All his friends still like me and talk to me. So anyways this guy lets call him scott (the one my friend has a crush on) was asking me questions about guys, and making sorta flirty comments to me. I really do not know how to respond to guys who are sorta joking around and hitting on me at the same time. As I barely know him so I did not want to joke back incase he would take it personally. He kept saying to me you seem uncomfortable. My friend who likes "scott" said to me he is just joking around because I would look at her when I did not know how to respond. So anyways he grabbed me a gave me a hug at one point, then he was kididng around saying hey do you wanna come to my truck with me (because he was asking me if I had seen his big girl(his truck) But he was saying it in a kidding way meaniing come to my back seat. My ex's really close guy friend was there at that moment and sorta just shoved his friend when he said that because he did not like what "scott" was saying to me. I sorta just laughed it off and was like no thanks.

Well anyways after the bar they decided that they wanted to go to a country club. So we went there for the last hour it was open, my girl friend and I were dancing and having a good time. Then she went to talk to some girls from her work that came along with us. So I was just standing there beside this "scott" guy, as all my other friends did not come along with us to this club. A slow song came on at this point so I just sorta stood there then "scott" asked if I wanted to dance. Normally I would say no to a guy who asked me to dance if I was not interested in them. But I took it as him just asking me because we both were just standing there, plus I did not want to offend him because all night he was like you seem so uncomfortable with me or something like that. So because he is friends with my ex b/f I did not want to be rude to him, so I said sure. But when he started to get really close to me I sorta pulled away from him. Then I went over to my girl friend and was like sorry for dancing with him I did not want to be rude to him. As I was worried that she may be hurt that I danced with him. Then a little while later we left the club. While walking to "scotts" truck he asked me if I wanted shut gun, I was like it doesn't matter to me. He then grabbed my hand, I sorta pulled my hand away as I was like what the heck. Then he was like oh am I making you uncomfortable, then he opened the car door for me, and then asked me if the seat warmer was warm enough for me. Then when my friend got into the truck the guy "scott" was asking her whats wrong she was like nothing.

Then he dropped me off first as I wanted to be dropped off first so I would not be alone in the car with him. When we were talking he said that I am a really sweet girl. Then when I was getting out of the car and saying thanks for the ride and saying bye to my friend and the other guy in the back he gave me a hug. I took all of this behaviour from him as nothing, because I know he is a flirty type guy and probably just wants attention or something. As I saw him checking out other girls all night long. Not to mention I was not even really around him that often. Plus everyone knows that I am not looking for a b/f and that I am not the type of girl that just sleeps around. Heck my ex b/f and I did not even sleep together, as I want to wait till I am married.

Well anyways to get to the point of the story. A little while after I get home I get a text from my friend saying that she can not come to the xmas dinner party my friends and I are having this monday as she switched shifts with a girl at work. I thought that was a bit odd because she was so looking forward to going. Then I texted her back saying is everything okay. She was like ya why wouldn't it be. She then texted me back saying see you around. I was like what the heck is going on, she normally will say to me talk to you tomorrow before or after work. Then I texted her back asking her if I did anything to upset her, and she replied back it is getting late I have to work tomorrow. I was like okay she is obviously upset with me or else she would of just said no I am fine. So then this afternoon I called her because I wanted to talk to her, but she did not pick up and I knew that she did not work till later on in the day. Normally if she misses my call she would call me on her way to work, or when she gets home. Well anyways when I got home from going out to dinner and renting a movie with one of my best friends I saw that she was online. So I messaged her no reply back, so then I messaged a mutual friend of ours the guy that is her really good friend and when I asked him what was up he was like oh I am talking to so and so (my friend). Then I was like oh I messaged her but she won't reply. So then a few mins later they both went offline. I decided to e-mail her to say sorry if I did anything to upset her last night, but that I was not sure what I did. I then said sorry again for dancing with "scott" and explained that I only did that because I did not want to be rude and did not know how else to act without having him think that I disliked him as a person. Well anyways I am just really hurt because I am not interested in that guy, nor was I even flirting back to him. He was doing that all, and not even that much for that matter. She knows how in love I am with my ex b/f still and that I would never ever even if I liked a guy go after someone a friend liked. But I am not even interested in this guy as he is so not my type. I just do not know what to do, I do not want to loose a friend over this. Heck I do not even know if she is upset with me about him dancing with me, but thats the only thing that I can think of. Because her behaviour was fine up untill about 20 mins before I got home.

Sorry for this being so long, I just wanted to give you the history to understand it all. Your insights into this would be great.

Thanks

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2003
Sun, 12-17-2006 - 5:43am

Hi again,

I am mainly just posting this message to vent as I am really upset that my friend is upset with me. As all I was doing was minding my own buisness and trying to have a good time, as I needed to go out and just have fun with my friends. I had even told my friend before I danced with that "scott" guy how much I missed my ex. Heck whenever I have to go to a club for a b-day or something if some guy asks me to dance I always say no thanks. Because if I am not interested in the person I do not want to dance with them and hurt their feelings if I do not like them. Plus I know the reason that most guys go to clubs, so I would rather stick to dancing with just my friends, or only with a guy that seems decent and nice. But I would only do that if I was single, and even then that rarely happens as I barely ever go to clubs.

My best friends says that she could see why my friend is upset with me, because I am 10 times prettier than my friend. I do not believe this to be true, my friend is very pretty. However, I do not feel that I should be treated this way as I never did anything, nor did I intentionally ask him to act like towards me. I have done all I could, I appologized for dancing with him, incase that upset her. She is the one that does not want to talk to me. I am just so frustrated because I know how much she likes him, and I am always supportive of her hanging out with him, that is why I was like sure invite him to my friends b-day if you want. I am still grieving over my ex b/f so even if Matt Damon hit on me and asked me out I would decline as I am not interested in anyone else, nor ready to even think of dating another guy. I am sure that in time she will come around.I guess I just can not deal with the thought of loosing someone else in my life, as I just lost my ex b/f.

So if any of you girls have had a similar experience with this kind of situation let me know.

Thanks

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Sun, 12-17-2006 - 11:13am

How did the guy act toward your friend?

Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Sun, 12-17-2006 - 3:09pm

Your friend is probably just jealous. Give her some space. By apologizing again and again, you are giving her more ammunition. "If she's profusely apologizing then she DID do something wrong and I have every right to be upset with her." Which, really isn't the case.

I've danced with friends boyfriends before and it has not been an issue. I think it depends on the friends self esteem. If they have a healthy sense of themselves, I think they are less likely to take offense over a situation such as yours. I think age and maturity level come into play here as well. I don't think it makes your friend evil or anything. She is being irrational. She knows she can't be outwardly mad at the guy because they aren't even dating so she's taking it out on you.

I would like to add, there's a slight chance that she may not even BE jealous or upset with you. There could be something else going on with her.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2003
Sun, 12-17-2006 - 5:10pm

Hi thanks for replying. I would never let a guy really touch me if it made me really comfortable. When he gave me a quick hug it really did not bother me, as I took it as him just being like that. I never took it in a way as him liking me or anything. An yes he did talk to my friend and pay attention to her. However, he never tried to dance with her closely or anything like that. Yes there could possibly be something else that is making her upset, but I doubt it. Because she is speaking to everyone else but me. I know that she is probably taking it out on me as she can not do or saying anything about it to him. However, I am just concerned that if she speaks to her best friend, which is my ex b/f's guy friend that he is going to go and say something to my ex b.f about it. Then it is going to look like I like this guy when I don't. Because despite everything that has happened between my ex and I, I still respect him enough where I would not flirt or do anything with someone he was friends with.

Thanks

Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Sun, 12-17-2006 - 5:48pm
No offense, but you're really hung up on your ex, huh? If he's a decent, mature person then he won't pay much attention to gossip. It really doesn't matter anyway, does it? I mean, I know you say that you still have a great deal of respect for him and all, but what does it matter if you like someone or not, if you dance with someone or not. You two aren't together anymore. As far as him possibly judging you because you danced with a guy that your friend likes. She likes him, they aren't dating or anything. I just don't see any of this as a problem. I am not dismissing your feelings. I just think that you are worrying yourself over nothing, my opinion. Your girlfriend will probably get over this silly misunderstanding and all will be well . . .