The friend zone again

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
The friend zone again
13
Tue, 08-06-2013 - 4:15pm

Earlier this year, as you guys know, I met a guy, he asked me to go to a dance and then we were together at another event.  Then I got the email that he liked me only as a friend and was dating someone else.

So I have been going to this outdoor salsa dancing for 3 weeks now.  I found out about it through a meetup group.  the guy who is the organizer described himself as a "fun loving lawyer" so the 1st night I went, I introduced myself to him as another fun loving lawyer.  The 2nd week we talked a little more and he gave me hugs hello & goodbye.  The nights start with a lesson and he starts out dancing with me, but the teacher makes everyone rotate partners.  So this week is the 3rd week--we ended up dancing more together at the end of the night and practicing.  He's much more of a beginner than I am and he thanks me for being patient and willing to practice with him.  So then he says "Do you have to go right home?  Want to hang out?"  It took forever to actually get out of the park where the dance is held cause he's like Mr. Social who knows everyone and keeps saying hi and talking to people--but he does introduce me to everyone.  so I was thinking hey, maybe he likes me.  I work in a very yuppie neighborhood and most of the places are very upscale restaurants--so we ended up in a pizza place--not exactly dressed fancy.  We talked for a while--he's very funny and we have a lot in common besides being lawyers.  then he throws in that he started dating someone and has no idea where it will go--well that was definitely not something that I wanted to hear.  I thought it might be a long shot since I figured out right away that I'm older than him--I thought 10 yrs, but it's actually 8 yrs (he doesn't know how old I am).  Even if we don't date, I still want to keep him as a friend because he is a fun nice guy and it would be fun to be with him--but it sure would be nice if he was interested.  Objectively I don't even know if we would be a match, but it would just be nice to be the object of someone's affection.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2008
Wed, 08-07-2013 - 3:13pm

"This definitely wasn't a "date"--it was a "hang out" which sounds kind of dumb coming from a 48 yr old man, but I do feel like we have a lot in common besides work--we talked very easily & there was a lot of joking around, which maybe isn't the most romantic thing but I just have to be myself with someone.  It's too tiring to try to make a good impression like you are in a job interview."

I hear ya.  I don't know whether it is because I am hormonally-challenged or that it's been so long since I have been attracted to anyone, but I do not get nervous at all anymore and really approach everyone, male or female, as an acquaintace or friend.  On the one hand I miss the excitement if romatic attraction and suspense,on the other had it is kind of a relief to not have to deal with all of that anymore.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Wed, 08-07-2013 - 7:39pm

Oh don't get me wrong--there was romantic attraction on my part.  I am such an idiot that I go to his meetup profile and look at his pic & enlarge it to full screen to get the full view of his blue eyes.  lol  Maybe it was just that I didn't have time to think about it & get nervous.  Back when that other guy asked me to go to a dance & I assumed it was a date and he had romantic interest, I was fine until the day we went out--then I was pretty nervous leading up to it.  Once we met (and it had been a few weeks since we had seen each other which was making me more nervous) then I relaxed cause he was another guy who talked a lot and we got along quite well.  I guess I just can never date a guy who is shy & can't talk.  And my hormones are in overdrive, which is probably why even if I think we might not be a good pairing, I just want to jump him.  lol

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2008
Wed, 08-07-2013 - 9:19pm
Haha. Lucky you. I can't remember the last time I felt like that. Anyway, I think maybe some of the difference now is that you (we) have more control over this stuff than when we were 20. There are *some* compensations to getting older. Good luck! I hope something good happens. And you are not an idiot. This proves you are far from dead. I would give my eyeteeth to feel that way again....well....maybe not my eyeteeth. LOL

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