Friends and/or HJNTIY?

Avatar for floridagirl52
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
Friends and/or HJNTIY?
9
Fri, 11-18-2011 - 10:17am

I'm over-thinking a situation and wondered what other people thought. Of course, without all the nitty-gritty details, it's hard to really assess I suppose.

About a month ago, a man I had met via OLD three years ago called and asked me out. I have run into him fairly often over the years at different events we attend and we have talked, we even have friends in common as it turns out. We're even FB friends. I was not able to go that night, but made it clear that I would have gone and would like to do something in the future. Two weeks later, he asked me out again on a Sunday. I accepted and we spent most of the day together. I had a good time--but he is rather reserved and not easy to get to know. I again made it clear that I would like to get together again (but didn't overdo it). At this point, I don't really know him well enough to know if we would even be a good match--but I'm very willing to find out.

A few days later, we both attended the same event (separately, we hadn't planned it although I told him I was going and he said he was probably going). We talked a couple of different times at the event, and then he wandered off---and I didn't see him again.

Two weeks went by, and I heard nothing. At this point, I am wondering: does he see me as "just a friend"? He hasn't been flirtatious, but I don't think that's his nature (really, not making an excuse). In talking about it with some of my friends (none of whom know him, and no, I can't ask our mutual friends), most of them said, "He's waiting for you to ask him to do something."

Well, is he? Yeah, I know, no one knows what he's thinking.

In the past, I would have invited him to do something. But the new and improved FloridaGirl wants the man to take the initiative in the beginning. But--if he's looking at this as friends, then of course it wouldn't matter who invited whom.

Even though I don't know him well enough to know if this could be more, I don't want to treat this as a friendship at this point, so I have stood by my "rule" of letting the man take the lead. I did send him an email about an interest we both have, something we talked about. We had a little email exchange and that was it.

I know I have to do what I feel is right in this situation, and at the moment, I feel l should wait for him to do the asking. This is what I would advise someone who asked my advice. But then I start to wonder…

As Greg Berhrendt says, if he's not calling you up and asking you out, he's just not that into you.

Thoughts?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2008
Fri, 11-18-2011 - 10:49am

FG,

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Fri, 11-18-2011 - 10:56am

Here is my thought.

I would try and find out from him if he wants to date..

Give him one or two more chances or enough rope to hang himself.. If he doesnt take the bait move on. Just give it a try because you have nothing to lose. He could be very shy and waiting for you .

My motto lately..

Community Leader
Registered: 07-16-2001
Fri, 11-18-2011 - 5:20pm
It does seem like he's not that into it- whether it's you, dating, or just being friends. I follow that rule with friends as well. If they aren't making at least as much effort as I am, I don't think they really want to be friends.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2011
Fri, 11-18-2011 - 6:09pm

Don't you just hate that?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2011
Sat, 11-19-2011 - 10:50am

The only glimmer of hope would be if you think you might be a person who shuts down a little too much when interested in someone which

Avatar for floridagirl52
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
Sat, 11-19-2011 - 11:51am

all signs point to not being interested.

Yes, I agree. I began to wonder because I had a couple of friends say, "Call him to do something." Plus, I don't really know if he were looking at these two "dates" as actual dates--maybe he just looks at me as a friend anyway.

Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Sat, 11-19-2011 - 12:35pm

Men do not ALL do the chasing.

dragowoman

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2011
Sat, 11-19-2011 - 1:40pm

I dunno, xxxs.

Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Sat, 11-19-2011 - 2:11pm

IMO there is asking and giving signals hints don't work with men.

dragowoman