Friends with Benefits

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-13-2005
Friends with Benefits
4
Tue, 02-28-2006 - 5:35pm

Wow, i'm just busy on here today. I thought I would leave another post about something that happened to me this past weekend. It again fits into "the single life" area and I thought maybe some of you may have some experience to share or advice and whatnot.

I'll try to keep this short- met a guy on halloween- we had a "one night stand" that actually didn't involve sex, technically, just fooling around and talking all night. He's the one that didn't want to have sex. We talked on the phone after and he said he didn't have time for a relationship and wanted me to know that right away. Ok, i realized he wasn't the one and moved on. But eventually we became friends (chatting on MSN and discussing everything under the sun- great conversation).

On new year's eve, I saw him and we were talking- i asked for a new year's kiss- he kissed me, then turned his back and walked away. We talked about this a few days after and he said how he felt bad because he felt like he was leading me on- i said i felt that way too (that he was leading me on) and I told him I didn't think we could be friends and we should just stop talking. He said he would prefer to try to be friends. So well, that worked out okay actually. I started dating someone else (that lasted for about 6 weeks) and me and this guy kept talking on MSN a lot and i was even asking him for guy advice and such.

So I see him this weekend at the bar. I owed him a drink because of a bet we had. I give him his drink, give him a high five then go to the dance floor. Next thing I know he's with my group of friends and dancing near me all night. We laugh a lot and at the end of the night he, myself and two other friends go back to my place where we just hang out and watch tv.

Then my other 2 friends leave and me and him stay on the couch watching tv. Trying to shorten this here- basically he kisses me. I stop him and ask him what's on his mind. He says he still doesn't have time for a relationship but wants to know if i'd be up for "doing this" every so often. Again, not sex in the technical sense (his decision). Just fooling around. He says he wants me to find a guy that can offer me more and will even help me find him and will understand when i do find someone else.

We had a really nice time together- and after, again great conversation. He actually let loose a lot of baggage though. Which makes me think that his not wanting a relationship has nothing to do with time (though i do know that he is actually busy, but really if you're interested in someone you make time) and has to do with trust issues and all that baggage.

What is affecting me now is that I don't know if I can really do this Friends with Benefits thing. I want to. But I know that inside I want him to fall in love with me and sweep me off my feet. I've been trying to talk about this with him on MSN for the past 2 days- but he's making that hard. Next time I do get him online, i want to ask him more about this and ask about what his expectations are and setting up some rules. Or maybe I shouldn't say anything and let this just pass.

Any advice would be great! I think I know what you'll say, but well, say it anyway :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2005
Tue, 02-28-2006 - 5:51pm

If you believe this: " But I know that inside I want him to fall in love with me and sweep me off my feet."

No rule, regulation or limit you put on the "fooling around" is going to change that. You are already emotionally involved so it seems to me it's too late to have a no strings attached arrangement.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-31-2006
Wed, 03-01-2006 - 7:34am
Don't do it! I did it and now
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-17-2004
Wed, 03-01-2006 - 7:51am
ITA with lesleylou. You already have feelings for him and if it's not going to move in the direction that you want, you're only going to hurt yourself. My advice is to not do it (from someone that has been there, done that).
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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
Wed, 03-01-2006 - 8:55am
I have to agree with you and Lesley. If there are already romantic hopes attached to this man, nothing can happen but the complete dashing of said hopes and some heartbreak.