Friends With Benefits.....

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2004
Friends With Benefits.....
10
Fri, 02-17-2006 - 4:30pm
Have any of you had one of these? Was it a good situtation or did it end on bad terms?
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2004
Fri, 02-17-2006 - 5:24pm
My experience is that it doesn't work for the girl unless you have ABSOLUTELY no feelings for the guy above the physical. Girls usually aren't wired that way. I would go with your gut, but my gut feeling would be - nix that before one of you develops feelings and gets hurt. If you are hoping it will turn into a real relationship, it probably won't because he's getting the best of both worlds already.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2003
Fri, 02-17-2006 - 5:46pm

I have an FWB right now.

Overall, I'd say it's not a good situation cause someone always gets hurt (me) and it's ended and began again a few times. Right now, I'm lsing a bit of interest but not cutting things off completely cause when things are cool. it can be a lot of fun.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Fri, 02-17-2006 - 5:49pm

The only FWB I ever had never involved intercourse, just everything leading up to that. It was shortly after college, and he was well known as a player. So, I knew what I was getting into (and didn't want a real relationship with him anyway - he was kind of a jerk).

Had I actually had sex with him, I know it would be a different story. I do get attached after sex.

AJ, enjoying life with C.

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Fri, 02-17-2006 - 6:31pm

I had one in college and for about a year afterwards.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2004
Fri, 02-17-2006 - 7:39pm
Hmmm... Mine is actually similar to your situation. He and I dated and it was really good and then went very bad, pretty quickly. He had less then desirable boyfriend qualities that pushed me over the edge and I broke up with him. He continually asked to get back with me, the first time we tried, we ended up fighting again before we even saw each other. Well, he keeps contacting me and I ignored him for a while, until valentines day(a sucker I am). He wanted to do something nice for me (for being a jackass in the past) so I agreed. We are incredibly attracted to each other, so I wonder "why not". I don't really trust dating him, so why not? But I am worried about hurt feelings...... I don't know what to do.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2004
Sat, 02-18-2006 - 3:15pm

Something kind of similar...... More like a 1 night stand that turned into a few more encounters... We had no 'exclusive' relationship agreement so it was like friends with benefits.

It sucks unless you truly don't care. I do not love this person per se, but I do care if someone only wants to see me because they know I am going to give them what they want physically. It makes me feel like I've sold myself short because I know that there is more to me than that - so much more.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
Sat, 02-18-2006 - 8:40pm

I am in an occasional FWB situation with my ex. We broke up 2 years ago and have had the hook up now and again since then. Not when either of us is seeing someone else (we have both had more than one girl/boyfriend since we split) and only when we both feel like it. I think that it's been OK because neither of us has been in a serious relationship since we broke up but it will be really strange when one of us gets serious with someone else.

Whether it is a good thing or not depends entirely on the personalities of the two people involved as well as their dynamic together and the places that they are in their lives. He and I have a good situation for now but it will have to change and then it might be tough for a little while but I have no doubs that our friendship will survive it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2006
Mon, 02-20-2006 - 3:29pm
I have had a couple of these, and they both ended amicably. The thing to keep in mind, in my opinion, is that BOTH parties, and you can't stress BOTH enough, have to be completely in agreement about the situation.
If it's just friends with benefits, what are the benefits? How "friendly" is it going to be? I go to the movies with my friends, will I go to the movies with you, because that's an awful lot like dating. I don't have sex with my friends, but I will with you. How will I keep myself from developing feelings? With me, and I think most women, that's usually a major issue.
In my situations, we didn't really go on dates alone, but we'd hang out in groups of people, as friends. Both times, it simply ended naturally when one of us realized we had met someone we wanted to date. I am still friends with both guys, without the benefits, the same way I'm friends with my other guy friends.
Tina

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-20-2003
Mon, 02-20-2006 - 4:03pm

I had a friends with benefits situation many moons ago. It was a good situation at the time; however, my feelings became more intense and eventually I wanted more than he was willing to give. The break-up was difficult, but we remained friends. However, the dynamic of our friendship has definitely changed. We are nowhere near as close as we were before the benefits entered the picture. I don't regret our choices, but I do miss the type of friendship I had with him before we complicated things.

Brightest Blessings,
Annika

Brightest Blessings, Annika


iVillage Member
Registered: 11-17-2004
Tue, 02-21-2006 - 2:16pm
Off and on for about 4 years, wouldn't do it again. It was fun for a while but it had run it's course and I was looking for more.
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