Friends with Benefits????

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2003
Friends with Benefits????
5
Thu, 07-17-2003 - 5:24pm
So confused!!! Started seeing a guy about 3 months ago, it was great for the first 6 weeks or so, then I turned off for whatever reason... The sex was always good but I didn't want to be with him in any other way so I broke it off. Today he asked if we could get together and just have sex every couple of weeks. I love the thought but he was pretty hung up on me and I hurt him pretty bad when I broke it off. I think that having a friend like that would allow me the freedom of not worrying about finding Mr. Right. I'm 40 years old and definately in my sexual prime. I want a relationship but not now and not with my buddy. However, I like the thought of getting together with him every couple of weeks and just going for it. He says he can do it without any resentment and knows that it will end one day. I say fine I know I'd be able to do it without ever looking back but I don't want to hurt him... Any advice for me today???
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 07-17-2003 - 5:31pm
Well, given that his feelings, perception and heart aren't your responsibility...I really think it is possible what he's saying the sex was great, I have no problem not having more than that with you, you're a woman that I can easily have the great time in bed with, get up, take a shower and have no obligations to while I pursue my life. That's FWB...are you into it?

Erin

quickblade14@hotmail.com

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2003
Thu, 07-17-2003 - 5:35pm
I'm definately into it...just worried that he is going get hurt.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 07-17-2003 - 5:56pm
Certainly nothing I could ever or would ever do but you are two consenting adults - just get tested for aids frequently, and use excellent birth control, and understand that the longest time period for both of you will be the time period post-orgasm till the time you/he can leave. Make sure you have no delusions about it meaning anything other than a roll in the hay or a delusion that it won't impact your friendship.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2003
Thu, 07-17-2003 - 9:53pm
Doesn't sound that great to me. I think you should just end it with him. He could wind up getting hurt.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 07-18-2003 - 11:21am
So, pull a "Seinfeld" - make rules.

No calling the day after to "hang out" - so that nobody gets confused about "wanting to be together" except in bed.

No "kissing" at all - no making out, no "lovey-dovey" activity in public. Imean, you might go somewhere together knowing that at the end of the night if nobody has caught you eye you have a "guaranteed piece" - but nothing should indicate to those in public that you're "together" except as friends.

No "sleeping over" - so that nobody gets confused by the offer/requirement to offer eggs/bacon/juice the next am.

Whatever "rules" would apply to your situation - make them, and then YOU stick to them even when YOU wish YOU didn't have to....because that is quite likely to be the result.

Generally, it's the person who says "I'm all about sex with no emotional involvement" that ends up getting emotionally involved and attached. And the person gets up from calling at 2am and 'getting some' - to go home because the next day they have a date and want to get some sleep - and you're crushed beyond belief.

Erin

quickblade14@hotmail.com