friends....

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2005
friends....
14
Tue, 12-13-2005 - 11:58pm
i noticed a female friend of mine always wanted to meet with me and talk and spend time with me when she was so to say between boyfriends or when she has some issues with the boyfriends. then she needs my advice and time, etc. but when a new b/f appeared she started to cancel our meetings and does not have time for our friendship... she is staill calling, but doesn't initiate meetings and prefers to go to her b/f events than to come out with my friends... there was nothing bad b/w us, but i don't like this type of attitude. she knows a new guy for a month or two, and she prioriteses him over a friend who had been with her through her difficult time...
i guess the answer is self-evident... but i don't know either to just let it go and never tell her, or tell her openly about it (which will mean the end to the previous type of open friendship we had)... i feel insulted though
any insight or similar experience from the girls?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
In reply to: irena_2005
Sat, 12-17-2005 - 10:31pm

While I do think that some married people sort of gravitate away from their single friends, I don't necessarily think they do it on purpose or realize what they are doing. I mean really...when people get married, priorities and things change. That SO is really the most important person in their life and they should be. Plus married people have different lives than singletons..so naturally marrieds are going to gravitate toward other marrieds.

I have two friends that are now married and the one couple definitely hangs out more with other married people. They simply have more in common with them than they do me. I mean, they have a 5 month old child. What do we have to talk about anymore except our college years? She's changing diapers and dealing with weaning her baby off the breast...I'm dealing with grad school and a long distance relationship. When I get married, I expect it to swing back in the other direction where we begin to have more in common again. I don't think there is anything wrong with it, its just how life happens.

But then again, I'll be moving a significant distance away from all my current friendships and may see them once a year if I'm lucky.

Rubyshoes

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Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
In reply to: irena_2005
Sun, 12-18-2005 - 12:12pm

I disagree.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2005
In reply to: irena_2005
Mon, 12-19-2005 - 12:14am

Thanks Ruby,

I know it's not on purpose, it just happens. It's inevitable & I'm not mad, it's more my reality---check. I have to prepare myself whenever anyone gets married...or has a baby...things change. Also the older I get (40), it seems that people don't need more friends & if you try to make a friend with someone new, you may come off needy.

I also know my expectations for friendships is high & I've been working on that.

I also agree with CL-shyone...that friendships shouldn't take a back seat & there is more to girl friendships than talking about men which reminded me of one of those sex in the city episodes where Miranda was like "all we do is talk about me & relatinships." POINT BEING...WE HAVE LIVES independent of men :)

I so believe life would be a lot more fun thought if we all had someone. I love my friends but I really would like a man in my life. I would like someone to do things with & my friends are too busy. They have their boyfriends, husbands, & it just seems noone is available when the weekend comes around. I am independent, have my own home, financially set. That's all great, but I think people still need people.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
In reply to: irena_2005
Tue, 12-20-2005 - 12:51am

I agree that your friends should not become nonexistant during the course of a relationship or marriage, but priorities do change with time. I could never eliminate my friends from the picture...I did it once and I regretted it very much. I was lucky to still have 2 of my friends when I dumped the douche. People change and as such so do relationships. I'm not friends with any of the people I went to high school with (I had a circle of about 50 friends at that time) except for 2 females and 1 male. I have 3 tight female girlfriends that I would do anything for them.

It takes me a long time to make friends but once I do, Im loyal for life (unless you burn me of course). But they change too. My single friends and I chat about everything in our lives, not just the men. How boring would that be to always talk about the male persuasion? ;) Its all about balance as I said before.

Rubyshoes

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