friendship hurts..

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-10-2007
friendship hurts..
11
Tue, 08-21-2007 - 10:03am

I'm hurt by my two *closest* friends. My b-day is coming up and I messaged them with my plan for us and a few other friends to go to the bars for a fun night out. They both messaged back that they had already discussed my birthday and wanted to keep it more low-key, and just have dinner. They gave excuses such as having things to do the next day and the bars aren't fun when you're sober. I never said it had to be a wild night! For one's birthday a few months back, we went to a bar because that's what she wanted to do, and I stayed sober so to be designated driver, and I got up the next morning to pack and go on a trip, but I didn't let any of that stop me from going with them and having a good time.

I'm just feeling like, this is my one special day a year and they can't even do what I want to do. I've thrown two bridal showers for my one friend and am throwing a bachelorette party next. I feel like I'm not getting back what I'm putting in.

I guess this was more of a vent, but does that seem unfair? I'm not the confrontational type so I'm hesitant to say all of this to the two of them. Suggestions?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2007
Thu, 08-30-2007 - 5:49pm

Hi azure84, I can totally relate to you. The same thing happened to me recently and I stopped talking to my best friend. I mean she was one of my closest friends. We hang out and share everything with each other. For her birthdays I have taken her out to an expensive restaurant, bought her a really nice gift and paid for everything. For my birthday, she couldn't even remember it was my birthday. All I got was a phone call "Happy birthday". That was it. No plans nothing of getting together. I tried to be forgiving with the understanding that maybe she was very busy and got no time and that maybe she'll make it up, so I tried to schedule a time with her so we could meet up and go out for dinner or just hang out for a little bit for my birthday. She said ok, and I even told her that she doesn't have to buy me anything , just hanging out together is good enough. She said ok, and then when the day came, I called her and she said she's so sleepy she needs to sleep some more, and she made me waited for her to get up. I felt really hurt because it just didn't seem like she cares. So I just said forget it and let her sleep because I couldn't understand how she could do that to me. For her birthday I made her felt really special, I offer to do everything like pick her up, take her to her favorite restaurant, buy her a special gift..and for my birthday she made me wait for what..because she's too lazy to get up to take me out. So I was really sad and I said to her that day to go back to sleep and not to worry about it. And she said ok. That was the end of it. She tried to call me back later that day and ask me what I want to do. I was really upset because I would have appreciated an apology or something like "I am really sorry I was really tired this morning. Let me make it up to you because you're my best friend and it's your birthday and I want to make sure you feel special on your birthday" Nothing like that, just "hey you wanna go now, I'm up!" I just said to her no thanks and bye. She didn't call me for that whole month. I felt really betrayed by her and just let it go. I don't talk to her anymore. I am not trying to be petty over a birthday. I usually dont expect much for my birthday. I even told her just to bring herself when she comes to see me, dont bring any gifts or anything, but she still dissappointed me by making excuses not to show up and having no desire to make it up to me. Needless to say I was very hurt and still hurt till this day. I don't even talk to her anymore.

Well, sorry I had to vent about it because after reading your post, it reminded me of what happened to me. I just wanted to let you know I know how you feel and dont worry. You dont need friends like that. I think I am much better off now without her. sometimes I feel lonely that I Lost my best friend, but then when I think about it, she wasn't really my best friends so I don't think I had much to loose.

Happy birthday by the way!

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