Friendship with a married man

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2005
Friendship with a married man
Sat, 10-15-2011 - 12:09am

I mentioned this guy before in a couple of posts, but just in case, here's the story.

He contacted me through a language exchange website 3 weeks ago to practice English. He's 41, Cuban, has been in Canada for 2 years. He's here with an ex-wife and 2 kids and his current wife is in Cuba with a 3rd child. He visited them 5 times in the past 2 years. He has a PhD, has lived in France and the US and is very interesting to talk to.

So we met for coffee. He paid for me saying that


Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 10-15-2011 - 1:52am

Your question if he is interested in friendship or a sexual liaison?

Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Sat, 10-15-2011 - 9:32am

For what it's worth, I agree with Mark.

Community Leader
Registered: 07-16-2001
Sat, 10-15-2011 - 9:43am

I think it is possible to be friends with a married man, but this guy almost seems like he's dating you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Sat, 10-15-2011 - 10:42am

I think it really seems like he is dating you--he pays for you and he drives you to the place where you are going.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-27-2002
Sat, 10-15-2011 - 11:18am


As some of the individuals on this board may know, I have struggled with this issue as well for a couple of years now.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2009
Sat, 10-15-2011 - 2:32pm
I'm really curious about the fact that he is living with his ex while in the States, what's that all about? He seems so focused on you and pays for you. Its suspicious all around. I think he is working up to something. Tread lightly. I do have a non-married guy friend that always pays for me who is not interested in dating me, so it is possible though..
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2009
Sat, 10-15-2011 - 2:33pm
Oops correction, he is in Canada not the states, my bad.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2005
Sat, 10-15-2011 - 3:06pm

Yes, I'm also curious about the fact that he came with the ex, but since the initial purpose of our meeting is practicing English, I didn't ask. It could be that he was married to her when they were filing for papers, so they both came here. Then he divorced and now bringing the other one. The difference of age between his younger child with the ex and his 3rd child is about 3 years, so it's possible that he met the wife while he was with the ex, but it's none of my business.

When we went dancing, there was absolutely no flirting. We have very different dancing styles, so I can't say that we had a lot of fun. And I had the impression that he was a bit sad, so I imagined that he was missing his wife. He didn't even kiss me on the cheek when he dropped me off, neither did I.

He's a dedicated father to his 2 sons that are here, sees them everyday, brings them to activities, etc. And he suggested that we do activities with the kids as well this the winter (again I am surprised that he's looking that far into the future).

He works from home as a freelance, so I imagine that he simply feels lonely.

He always tells me that he appreciated my corrections and that it helps him improve his English, so maybe that's why he's trying to please me by taking me out. We'll see.

On the other hand, a few people warned me about Cubans, who, supposedly have questionable morals....

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2008
Sat, 10-15-2011 - 3:49pm

My husband goes for drinks and to concerts w/a single woman and I have no problems with it. They have things in common that we don't have in common. I sent her a message on facebook and she never returned it so that kind of tweaked something. I've noticed she has no interest in getting to know me - only wants to spend time w/him. Again, that doesn't worry me tho bc I completely trust him and know he has NO romantic interests in her. But I can see how others outside this scenerio would think it odd.

My point? Those of us outside this scenerio tend to think this looks odd. But only you and he know the real story. It sounds like he has done nothing inappropriate so it may be that he is just lonely. If you are uncomfortable, perhaps you can insist that you pay your own way. You said you were dancing w/other men - so it's not holding you back from "getting out there" and meeting guys. Sometimes just the companionship of males can give you a male attractiveness (you know how when you are not single, there are guys everywhere?).

But if you are uncomfortable then don't do it. Or spend less time w/him and more w/your other friends. It's all up to you :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2011
Mon, 10-17-2011 - 6:13pm

As you say, different cultures look at things differently.