Froze Out

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Froze Out
12
Sat, 12-01-2007 - 2:26am

I have chickened out on this one girl for a long time. There were some flirtings in the beginning, but things just died out, mostly because of my insecurities. Right now, I do not even feel comfortable looking at her, and she does not look at me either. Tonight, I was watching a parade of guys walking over to talk to her, but no one tried to hit on her. So I thought "Why not me?"

A little background information: We met in coed volleyball, and she usually comes in with two or three guy friends, with whom I am somewhat acquainted. I caught her attention, I think, in one game when I waved at her fervently and told her to hit her hardest serve at me.

Once, I put out my hand to her, and when she reached out, as if to shake hands, I yanked her to sit next to me. Unfortunately she was not able to stay. I did not pursue it because at the time I did not want to look like I was clinging to her. A couple weeks later, she was smiling and saying hi to me, but I did not respond. That was because I was talking to some one else and did not really see her. I don't remember if I explained to her afterward and I am feeling bad for being rude ....

Do you guys need more info? What is your prognosis? She might have written me off as a wuss for she does not even try to look at me any more. Then, again, if no one is hitting on her, I might as well be the guy. If I am to restart the flirting, how should I proceed? Thanks.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-17-2007
In reply to: akt226
Sat, 12-01-2007 - 4:52am
If I were in your place, I would walk right up to her and looking her straight in the eye,say "You know, I really like your shoes".. without of course ever once looking at her shoes. If she replied back "but I am wearing flip flops...", then I would say "yeah, that's what I am talking about "...and in case she said "but I am barefoot.." then I would probably say "would you also like to be pregnant (or not) ?" ... (giggles)..and then build conversation from there.



Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
In reply to: akt226
Sat, 12-01-2007 - 1:19pm

Is this the same girl you've been lusting after for...ohhhh...a year?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2006
In reply to: akt226
Sun, 12-02-2007 - 11:25am

No offense, but guys drive me crazy with this..."why are you single? why are you single?" Perhaps THIS is why I'm single.

I realize it's difficult, but just suck it up...if she's a halfway decent person, she's not going to tell you off or be rude to you in response. And yes, rejection sucks, but it's not the end of the world...if you never try, you'll never get the girl.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: akt226
Sun, 12-02-2007 - 10:59pm
You got good memory, but, no, this one is different. The last girl was rarely around and never called back, and I got tired and gave up. Today, (We play on Fridays and Sundays) the new girl, whom I will call Trish, was not there, but I made friend with some one else, Jenny. I am not interested in Jenny, but since she is popular and seems to have some interest in me -- as her touch gave it away -- it is useful to have her around me.
Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
In reply to: akt226
Mon, 12-03-2007 - 7:34am

Don't pass up Jenny just yet, okay?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2007
In reply to: akt226
Mon, 12-03-2007 - 2:34pm

 Z

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: akt226
Mon, 12-03-2007 - 10:17pm

Z,

Thanks for your responses. I have considered those questions for some time. While I haven't figured out the specifics, I know that it is a problem with self-worth. For reasons which I now don't want to go into, I assume that others, not just girls, are cooler than me. When I meet some one, I automatically assign high value to him or her, and low value to myself. That is why I think that I am "bothering" a girl when I approach her. And you are right, no trick is going to cover the reeking smell of insecurities.

All these self-reflections began a few weeks ago when my parents were arguing. While I was listening, an epiphany occurred to me, that I will be just like father if I do not forgive myself for past mistakes, regrets or any thing that I do not like about myself. The most important lesson, I think, is that I can change. In the past, I might not be as cool as I would like, but I can reconstruct my life and build a lifestyle that I want. I'm not talking about becoming some one else. Rather, I now know that I can do some thing about myself.

As far as my target is concerned, I don't know. I thought that I am looking at her as a potential girlfriend, but I cannot be so sure now. Earlier today, while I was flipping through TV channels, I saw an interview with Tera Patrick about her marriage to a rocker. She said, "Every one was telling me that he is a womanizing pig, but I am willing to go for it." Her statement struck me like a calling -- Yes, "calling". Perhaps I am not that interested in a relationship right now, but just want to feel cool and have fun. Now a pornstar is telling me to go for it.

AKT

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2007
In reply to: akt226
Tue, 12-04-2007 - 12:56am

 Z

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: akt226
Wed, 12-05-2007 - 9:59am

Z,

I have realized those things for some time, but I still don't really know how to solve them. If you have any suggestions, let me know. I was seeing a psychologist for a while and have stopped temporarily. When I resume, I will address to her this specific issue .... Are you talking about using NLP on yourself? I was never really a believer.

AKT

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2007
In reply to: akt226
Wed, 12-05-2007 - 1:22pm

 Z

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