Frustrated with engaged friend!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-05-2007
Frustrated with engaged friend!
2
Thu, 06-14-2007 - 9:51pm

I'm am at my wits end with a friend of mine who is engaged. She's never been single and is now in her early 20's and engaged. They've been together for many years and I truly do beleive they are a good match.

However...she's NEVER been independent. I have been independent for many years and single for a couple of those. I think it's been an incredibly time in my life and really forced me to grow. Now that she's planning a wedding/marriage, she's the expert. She's telling me that she's broke and will be for awhile because of the wedding and moving out. Well yes, it's called living on your own! Plus it's made easier by a dual income. I'm doing it COMPLETELY on my own. Yes she may have a wedding to pay for but she also has 5 years more in savings when she wasn't paying rent, utilities, food, etc etc.

It's incredibly frustrating for me when she talks to me as though I have no clue about how difficult things are financially. She also has never been very social or had many friends but it has become much worse since the engagement and she expects me to drive a very very long distance to visit HER constantly. I'm trying to get her to hang out now before the distance increases and she's always 'busy'.

I'm just frustrated beyond belief...since when did being single and independant equate to stupid and naive? Will she ever understand my position...and will I ever truly understand hers, even though I try?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-30-2007
Thu, 06-14-2007 - 10:56pm

No . . .it wont happen.

Next she will have a kid . .the true ball and anchor . . 24/7. I know, raised three, wife in collage, me at home with the kids after work . . .real hard stuff. I missed the age . . .but very low 20”s . . . . if I am right . . .you are the smart one. Get collage done, get the career on tract . . let the “boys” grow up . . then in due coarse you will happen across a like minded man . . .

As for her, she will never be able to come to you again . . if you cant get to her . . you guys are doomed.

Just a humble thought from a man in his 40’s with lots of “errors in judgment” under his belt.

Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Fri, 06-15-2007 - 12:32am

Some people thrive on change and some fear it like the devil. I have friends in their 30's that have never been without a man. One of them is married and treats me like I'm an orphan. When we go out to eat, even when we go for drinks, she insists on paying. If I happen to get to the bill before she does, she throws a hissy fit. I used to argue with her but now I just thank her and try not to make a big deal out of it. The sad part is, I don't think she's very happy. I get the feeling that she does a lot of pretending and I know from experience that it's very, very difficult keeping up facades. It takes a lot out of a person.

Try being patient with her, but don't allow her to walk all over you. Planning a wedding is very stressful and I'm sure she has some apprehension. Is there a reason why she expects you to come to her? The next time she asks you to make the drive to her place, just tell her you've been spending too much on gas lately and ask if she'd like to meet somewhere in the middle. I do this with my sister who lives an hour away and she's never gotten upset over it. How could she? It's only fair.