Frustration (Musings)

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Frustration (Musings)
Sun, 11-24-2013 - 8:21am

So I went to a fund raiser on Saturday night and it was in a local pub where I live... There were a few bands that were classic rock and hard rock.. Now I kept looking around

to see if there were any prospects but again same thing over and over.. There were mostly couples or men who were way younger and with their buddies or men who were just plain old drunks... Then there were the men who were really really old and could barely stand up and of course alot of women with their friends..

I know many say and it has been like this for ions you cant meet anyone in a bar but once in while that might be far  from the truth....and since it was a fund raiser I assumed maybe some regular guys around my age would show up.. NOPE!!!!

Okay there was a woman in the bar who was sitting next to me at one point and we started talking and I found out she was 47 years old. She had on a wedding ring and I said where is your husband? She said he is away in another state and working... She showed me a picture of him and he looked really young.. I said how old is he? She said he was 27 years old.. I was like???????? What??????????? 27 and she is 47.... She explained the whole story but I couldnt help but think wow that is wayyyyyyyyyyyyyy too young .. but who am I too judge... Sometimes I have guilt because I like men a bit younger than me but now that I have heard and seen this I dont feel so weird anymore.. By younger I mean a few years and not that young.... Geeeezzzzzzzzzzzzzzz I would think you need alot of confidence and guts to marry someone 20 years younger...or be drunk or whatever...LOL

Oh;well it was atleast a night out but not one prospect in which I cant help but think a milion times over..Where are the eligible singles????I have been to every venue out there and its the same old story... It looks like there is a speed dating event coming up but its pricey.. yet it is my age group.... I am wondering maybe to try out one speed dating event and see who shows up... if I can get up the money, guts and nerve to do it and not feel stupid.....but that is so iffy on my part.....: Has anyone tried speed dating yet on here??

Oh; and then I just read that Charles Manson (serial killer) is getting married to a 25 year old woman.. Okay I am not going there but he can find a wife and some of us cant even find a date..OY VEI....!!!!


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2008
Sun, 11-24-2013 - 10:05am

I hear ya, Free.  As far as Manson, number one, women are way more forgiving of mens' faults, plus there are always those attracted to "celebrity."

I do the same things you do, with the same results.  Last Saturday I went to a talk by a favorite author/radio host of mine, which was followed by a book signing, drinks and appetizers.  There was an opportunity to mingle, which I did.  I met some nice people who shared my interests, but again, it was older women, couples of varying ages, real old men, and a tiny fraction of men on their own.  The supposedly single men there were the type on the fringes, i.e., odd, unattractive, not dateable.  I didn't go specifically to meet men, but I always figure I am more likely to meet someone if I am having fun and participating in an activity that interests me.

I've done speed-dating twice with no success.  The men who expressed mutual interest would never follow up, or dropped off the face of the earth. I personally would not spend the money again.  It is pricey.

It truly does seem that the available men over 50 have been swallowed into a sinkhole.  I just don't see them anywhere. With regard to much-younger men, that just isn't for me, any more than men 10+ years older.  Is it really asking too much to want to date someone around my own age?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Sun, 11-24-2013 - 10:54am

I think sometimes that single middle aged men just don't go out!  Young men can always get a group of their friends to go out with them to bars & such, but I don't know, maybe middle aged men are just home watching TV and hoping that a woman magically appears--or they are on OLD sites every night but never actually getting the nerve to meet women.  Sometimes I just think it's easier to go out and forget about meeting men.  Last night I went out with some friends to see the Christmas tree lighting in the city and then we just went for pizza.  It was fun but then of course I am still missing being with someone.  I went to a ballroom dance place that I go to often on Friday night--there were some single men there but the prospects were dim.  Aside from the very old men, I think there were maybe only a couple the right age.  One is a friend of mine from our school.  He's 10 yrs older than me (but looks very good & in shape) but then I know he asks out women 20 or more years younger than he is--yet they don't go.  One other guy was a very plain looking Asian guy who has bad social skills--he asks very inappropriate questions.  Most of the time it's the same people who go there so I feel there's no prospect there to meet anyone.  We just go there to practice dancing.  So we keep looking for new places with new people.

Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Sun, 11-24-2013 - 10:59am

Don't you think the majority of single people around our ages are at home?  I don't mind going hiking, to the library, shopping, to lunch or even to an afternoon movie by myself but I would never in a million years attend something like that (charity event) by myself.  I applaud those of you here who do this sort of thing on a regular basis. 

I have a friend who loves to dance(resides in Texas).  She said she got tired of friends flaking on her so she started going alone.  Similar to Music's experiences, she started seeing the same people week after week so it became less and less intimidating.  Anyway . . . I am not that ballsy, wish I were.  I have the distinct notion that I'm not alone.  

I saw on the news this morning that Charles Manson has indicated that he isn't engaged to that girl, they're just dating.  I saw some clips of interviews she's done and I think G hit the nail on the head - it could be a publicity stunt(maybe even of Manson's arranging).  She seemed a little off, but also like she may have been acting.

There's a girl in the lab where I work.  She's right around the corner from my desk.  She tells anyone who'll listen that she's single and that if they know an available guy to please tell him about her.  There is no shame in her game.  She's probably had at least two dates a week since I started.  I thought I'd share that since I'm not really out there hustling, myself.  I don't know how you feel about being set up on blind dates. 

Have you tried church?  I haven't stepped foot inside a church since my twenties, but that seems to be a popular place to mix and mingle in my neck of the woods.  Of course, I'm in the Bible belt . . .  

Sorry for rambling.  It's a chilly Sunday morning and I'm sitting here with my coffee, procrastinating running errands!  


iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2012
Sun, 11-24-2013 - 11:27am

 "The supposedly single men there were the type on the fringes, i.e., odd, unattractive, not dateable."  Before I remarried I went out with 7 women in their twenties and thirties.  One was odd, i.e., free spirit,  One was unattractive, i.e., overweight by a few pounds.  What I learned is that each had something special to offer.  I'd suggest that no one looking for someone to date should be too quick to write someone off as undateable.  Makes absoluely no sense to me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2012
Sun, 11-24-2013 - 11:33am

" We just go there to practice dancing."  With who?  Sounds like studying to be an MD and then moving to a third world country where you wouldn't feel comfortable serving the inhabitants. 

Community Leader
Registered: 07-16-2001
Sun, 11-24-2013 - 11:34am
I hear ya. I've been dating someone for 7 weeks and thought things were going well. He wanted to see me more, said he needed more reassurance from me that I wanted to be with him. As soon as I started doing that (nothing drastic- just initiating contact more) he freaked out and is now on his way out. He pretty much ignored me last night while we were out. I was furious. The thing is, there are plenty of guys willing to take his place....but just for a night (or a week, if they're really good at it), but that's not what I want. I'm starting to really think that all the guys willing to commit have done so by 30. After that, forget it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-10-2005
Sun, 11-24-2013 - 11:35am

I agree that many singles are home, which makes us think they don't exist.  Even if you didn't meet someone Free, I do hope you at least had a better time at the event than if you had not gone (plus, it was for charity, also something nice.)

I have done speedating a few times over the years, and always had a decent time.  I went on a few dates, although nothing really materialized from them.  It is pricey, but sometimes there are coupons, and one time I wrote the company about a bad experience with a very disorganized event manager and went free.  Anyway, they are age bracketed, so you know the ages of the people you'll meet.  I would say that most people at the event are in the upper end of the bracket (i.e. an event for ages 32-42 had people from 38-44ish).

I have been lucky lately with meetup groups around here.  I've been to trivia a few times, and am going with the group to watch the football game tonight at a local bar. I assure you, I NEVER go out on Sunday night, but this group is really nice and there is a cute guy I spotted, who is very much my type.  So the group is pulling me out of my comfort zone a bit, which is a good thing.  I have been to every event by myself, and just enjoyed meeting the other people.  The first 5-10 minutes are hard, but after that I usually relax a bit.

It is frustrating, but glad you are hanging in there!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2012
Sun, 11-24-2013 - 11:38am
"I don't know how you feel about being set up on blind dates." For Christ's sake what can if hurt if you control the environment for the date. I suggest reading "Looking For Mr. Goodbar" and then hooking up with guys however you can.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2008
Sun, 11-24-2013 - 12:10pm

I get your point. I am a free spirit, and "different" myself. But I am not talking about quirky or not GQ material. As far as the few pounds thing, women are way more forgiving of that then men are, in general. I agree that most everyone is special in their own way. That doesn't mean I will be romantically interested in them. I love how some people will pontificate as though they know all of the answers or the details of the life of someone on the internet. And, as usual, it is implied that the woman is too picky and needs to, ahem, "lower her standards." How about men step up to the plate, take a shower, dress neatly, put the fork down and get some exercise, and learn some social skills? That would immediately improve their odds. Actually, men and women both should do these things. Sorry for the snark, but hearing this stuff gets old.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Sun, 11-24-2013 - 1:04pm

Thanks for the comments everyone .

Glean.. You are so right.. We have new people on here who have absolutely no idea who we are or what we are all about ..

First off I have been with unattractive overweight, underweight and all kinds of men.... so that isnt the issue and I would give anyone I met a chance but first you have to meet them right? That motorcyle guy I met in the summer at the outdoor club I would have loved to hook up with him again but he never wrote to me and he never called and I have no idea where he lives or anything .. I am assuming he was looking for a one night stand and I just dont do those things anymore.. Geeezzzzzzzz Louise I am 59 years old and that stuff gets old and it isnt who I am right now... and I really liked him and he was not tall and overweight and a host of things but I liked his personality and so it wasnt about looks or anything. He even had a blue collar job so I am not a snob when it comes to liking men. LOL.......

The issue is is that I dont see many middle aged men out there in the world when I go out and that could be in many many venues.. All I see are married couples, dating couples, women and the old men who are alcoholics...

So yes I am assuming like you all that my peers and men my age are just sitting home on the computer..........................