Furious

Community Leader
Registered: 07-16-2001
Furious
12
Sat, 10-20-2012 - 7:03pm

You might remember that about a month ago, my sister's ex had her arrested for kicking him while he was forcing her out of the house and leaving bruises on her arms.  This is his second accusation of domestic abuse, and both times she was defending herself against his attacks.  This time, he kept their baby and has had her ever since, refusing to let my sister see her.  My sister has since gotten a lawyer and filed for custody.  On Thursday, he called mad because she got a lawyer.  Stupid jerk.  Did he think she wasn't going to fight for her daughter or defend herself against his accusations? 

So her first birthday is next Saturday.  My sister just texted me, saying that they talked and came up with a plan to share custody 50/50- he gets a week, then she gets a week.  I am NOT happy that she's agreeing to let this psychopath have my niece half the time.  He can't afford diapers, daycare, or even food for the baby.  I asked her if they were making it legal, and she said "lol yeah we're making it legal".  Which makes me think she caved and isn't going to.  On top of that, they're having her birthday party at a park in the town where he lives.  I get that they need to get along for my niece's sake, but I am furious at this boy and I do NOT want to see him next Saturday.  I told my sister that I don't like him (I've never expressed an opinion about him before), never have, and I refuse to be nice to him.  I told her I don't want to talk to him at all.  If he tries to talk to me, I cannot guarantee that I will be able to control what I say to him.  It takes a lot- and I mean A LOT- to get me mad.  I'm beyond mad. 

Oh...and get this- she said they are meeting at the park on Monday and then "hopefully" he'll let my sister have the baby.  Hopefully???  He's messing with her mind.  We don't even know for sure that she's still in his care, healthy, or that he hasn't sent her out of state with a family member.  If she gets her back Monday, then she'll have her until Saturday and then they'll trade off again.  So he gets her for a month, while living in chaos with his drunk buddies, and she gets her for six days.  Grrr...

I'm gonna go try to run off some of this frustration, but it never really works!!!

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2003
In reply to: wishful78
Tue, 10-30-2012 - 5:31pm

I wish I had read this post & responded a lot earlier.  I am so sorry your sister is going through this not to mention you & the rest of the family.  You've got every right to be concerned & upset. 

You know I speak from personal experience & I can tell you upfront, he's going to make this difficult.  The typical mindset of an abuser is all about control.  And I wouldn't put it past me if he tries to pull the typical Jeckyl & Hyde persona.  I'd have your sister document EVERYTHING to cover her hyde incase this does ever go to court.  I can't stress it enough - document, document, document.  She can also check out www.womenslaw.org to see what her legal rights are there where she lives.  And, she is more than welcome to visit the RDA (recognizing & dealing w/domestic abuse) board I used to CL here on the Village.  The ladies over there are great & will be very helpful not to mention supportive of her. 

Community Leader
Registered: 07-16-2001
In reply to: shywon
Tue, 10-30-2012 - 7:12pm

He absolutely pulls the Jeckyl and Hyde thing, which makes it so difficult.  My mom is sucked in as well.  She was with an abusive boyfriend for several years, so she has that vulnerable personality that just falls for it.  My sister so wants to be able to get along with him for the baby's sake, but he's such a jerk it's almost impossible.  She has paperwork she's supposed to have filled out related to the custody issues that she hasn't yet.  Of course, my mom nags her about it which makes her anxious, which makes her not do it, which makes it worse.  I think that because he doesn't make her bleed, she doesn't think he's abusive, but he is.  His words are abusive, and he's  held her down and left bruises from shoving her before.  I think it's going to take him making her bleed or sending her to the hospital for her to recognize he's abusive, unfortunately.

 

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