FWB Input Anyone?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2001
FWB Input Anyone?
11
Sun, 12-08-2013 - 7:38pm

Two things have prompted this post.  First in reading many of the responses to my Crazy In Love post it appears that many of you would rather not have all the emotional drama.  Secondly, my latest conversation with MB. I had my work Christmas party last night, at which I may have had a few too many.  MB heard from his friend that did attend and was all worried about me driving home.  Through texting he wanted to come drive me home (he did not go to the party) or have his friend take me.  I told him I was fine and able to drive myself....and I was.  So he called me later to make sure I got home safely and of course we ended up talking for over an hour as usual with us.First he told me again that his feelings for me confuse him and because he doesn't know what to do he does nothing. He told me that he doesn't believe in having sex to have sex. To him sex means a one night stand, he likes to make love.  He then mentioned him becoming my boy toy,lol. I told him that seemed a bit contradicting and asked how he would be able to keep feelings out of the way.  He told me that he wasn't sure he could and that he could see himself falling in love with me, which scares him. I've already told him in the past that I didn't think I could do a fwb because I felt my feelings would get in the way. And it's not that I have anything against people having a fwb thing, just not sure I can. Or maybe it's just that I couldn't with him?  So anyone here that has had or would have that sort of thing I just wonder how you do or would do it.  Do you pick men you find unattractive?  And if so how do you become intimate with someone you are not attracted to?  Or do you pick men that are somehow unavailable, either married, or emotionally unavailable? 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2010
Tue, 12-10-2013 - 3:35am

I did the fwb thing twice when I was in my 20s which was a long time ago. First was a guy that I found attractive but not suitable for a bf because he was such a womanizer. I had known him for a few years and he had been trying to get me into bed with him the whole time, so finally I said yes. We had sex 2 or 3 times, and I was in no danger of getting emotionally attached to him. It was just a diversion, something that made me feel sexy during a difficult time. The other guy was someone that I dated, we were attracted to each other physically plus we liked each other a lot as friends but somehow the relationship chemistry wasn't there. We accepted that it would just be friends and we continued doing things together. Occasionally we ended up with me sleeping over at his place and sometimes having sex, sometimes no sex but cuddling. It sounds confusing but it wasn't, we both understood what we were doing which was filling our need to be held and physically close with someone that we trusted. Eventually we got romantically involved with other people and ended the sex part but stayed friends. My husband and I hung out with him and it wasn't awkward, he was just a fun guy. I lost touch with him because we moved.

When I did the fwb I was in a particular frame of mind, not looking for a long term relationship, not feeling needy, enjoying my independence and freedom to date around. I had been badly betrayed in a prior relationship and wasn't ready to completely trust a man or open up enough for a real relationship. I probably could not have done fwb at any other time in my life without getting attached or hurt.

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