Games
Find a Conversation
| Mon, 04-10-2006 - 10:39am |
Hello all!
I have a question for all you single men and woman out there. Before I ask my question, I have a few things to say. I am a 27 year old single woman. When I was younger, and inexperienced in the world of dating, I sought advice for rules of dating (e.g. “Should we go dutch on the first date?”; “How long should I wait to call him after the first date?”; “How long should I wait before I kiss him?”) Now, as a woman approaching 30, I am beyond the games; I know what I want in a man and I don’t want to settle for less than that. However, I’ve found myself back in that place where I’m asking one of those questions. I'm asking the question because I genuinely need help! I've been out of the dating loop for a while. So, here’s my situation and my question.
I met a guy over the weekend. He seemed nice enough (they all do in the beginning). I noticed him staring before he actually approached me. Whenever someone is staring at me, I do what comes naturally for me, I say "Hello." After he was busted, he walked over to me. His approach was clever; he asked me who my auto insurance provider is. Coincidentally, he works for the same provider that I’m currently using. He introduced himself anyway, and asked me my name. He then asked me if I’m single. I said, “I’m single, but I date.” He asked me for my phone number. I told him that I’d take his. Normally, I would willingly give out my phone number and wait for the guy to call me. This time, I just figured that it would be a good plan to not just be so quick to give out my number to a guy just because he asks for it. Also, if he's a weirdo, I won't have to worry about him calling me incessantly. So, now, my question: how long should I wait to call him? Also, would it be weird and impersonal for me to shoot him an email? His personal email address was on his card. It’s been a while since I’ve been approached by a guy who I’ve actually been interested in calling. I don’t want to wait too long; however, at the same time, I don’t want to seem too eager or desperate even. What would you do?
Edited 4/10/2006 10:40 am ET by mali2579

Pages
Hi mali2579,
Waiting ISN'T playing games. If you really caught his eye he will be thinking about you everyday. Every time his phone rings he will be secretly hoping that it’s you calling. It **WON'T** make a difference whether you call OR e-mail because he will be excited that you contacted him. It’s only Tuesday, I’d say call or send him an e-mail on Thursday. If you choose to e-mail him, make sure you keep it VERY short and sweet. Don’t give him all the details about who you are and how you met because he should know, it would have been an unforgettable moment if you really did impress him!
Good Luck.
Call him whenever it's convenient for you.
I'm going to call him this evening. I agree that emailing him would be kind of strange, since he didn't say, "here's my email address, shoot me an email." I guess I felt "safer" behind a computer, since I've been out of the dating loop for a while. He seems like a cool guy, and I wouldn't want to wait too long to call him; then, he'll think I'm not really interested in talking to him, and that isn't true.
Thanks again for your reply.
>I agree that emailing him would be kind of strange
>since he didn't say, "here's my email address
>shoot me an email."
Don't you think it's kind of strange that he asked for your number and you refused and took his instead? Trust me, 9 out of 10 guys would interpret what you did as a sign of low interest so it's too late to worry about what is "strange".
>he'll think I'm not really interested in
>talking to him, and that isn't true.
See above. I say it will make little difference whether you call or e-mail.
Just an update. I called the guy (twice) and his voice mailbox is full (maybe because it's his business VM), so I couldn't leave a message. So, I sent him an email, letting him know that I'm a "woman of my word" and that I did call him. I included my number for him to call me. So, if he calls, great. If not, I'll just assume that either he never checks his email OR he's bitter because I didn't call him when he thought I should've called him, and refuses to call me. Should I try calling him again? It really shouldn't be that serious, though.
Thanks to all for the advice.
Edited 4/13/2006 7:32 am ET by mali2579
No do not call again. You've called twice and he likely has caller id. Plus you've sent an email. Any more and you will come off as desperate.
I'm giving up. His VM box is still full, so I'm not able to reach him. I guess I should've given him my number. I'm certainly not desperate to talk to him; I just want to be a woman of my word and call him as I said I would. Who doesn't check their messages for several days? I don't want to call him again.
Thanks for the advice.
Edited 4/14/2006 10:08 am ET by mali2579
Okay, so I finally spoke to the guy on Friday. The conversation was a bit awkward at first in that he didn’t (or acted like he didn’t) remember meeting me the weekend before on Sunday. When I realized that he didn’t remember me, I tried to end the call. He told me that he's a nice guy, worth getting to know and asked me if it bothered me that he didn’t remember me at first. I told him it did a little bit, and said, "you must meet a lot of people (women), huh?" He said that it's not like that and that it’s been nearly a week since he met me, and that when he didn’t hear from me, he assumed that I wasn’t going to call. Does that make sense? I also told him that I had tried to call him, but his voice mailbox was full and I couldn’t leave a message. He apologized for that, and said that he barely uses his home phone. He gave me his cell phone number.
Anyway, I think I’ve made some mistakes in my communication with him, and I need some advice. When we finally did talk on Friday, the conversation was very brief: I was going out with friends, and didn’t have much time. MISTAKE #1: I CALLED HIM WITHOUT HAVING MUCH TIME TO TALK. Why would I call a guy that I want to get to know, when I’m practically walking out the door? That wasn’t smart. I really didn’t find out anything about him. He did tell me that he’d like to see me and told me to call him after hanging out with friends if I wanted to do something. I didn’t call him b/c I didn’t want to make myself too available. Should I have called him? Then, the next day, Saturday, I think I did something stupid: I sent him a text message saying “hello” and that I got in really late the night before. MISTAKE # 2: I SHOULDN’T HAVE SENT HIM A TEXT MESSAGE B/C I BARELY KNOW HIM. Aren’t texts reserved for people with whom we’re familiar? Shouldn’t I have just called him instead? After receiving the text, he called me and I missed that call. Then, I returned his call, but got no answer. I left a message. He called me back and left a message. I called him back, but left no message. This was Saturday, and we didn’t talk. Then, on Sunday……. I have this thing where every holiday, I send a text to all of the people in my phonebook, wishing them a good day. He replied to that text, and asked me to call him when I have a moment. I did, and he didn’t call me back yesterday. After a day and a half of phone tag, there was no communication; I haven’t talked to him since Friday.
At this point, I’m thinking that either he isn’t really interested in talking to me, or he and I are just missing each other and it’s no big deal. By no means am I desperate to talk to him; however, I’m kind of anxious b/c I wonder what his deal is, if he's a player who collects phone numbers, or if he gets a vibe from me that I'm not interested. My friend told me not to call/text him anymore. She said that it’s really no biggie, and that he’ll call when he can. I never want to come off as though I’m chasing after a man, by calling him more than he calls me. Another friend said that it's really not that serious and that I shouldn't be afraid to call him. What would you do?
Edited 4/17/2006 11:51 am ET by mali2579
Pages