Get Married This Year

Avatar for floridagirl52
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
Get Married This Year
35
Mon, 08-27-2012 - 8:01am

I saw this book and read some excerpts on Amazon. To me, it's pretty much like every book I've picked up like this. The author feels that it's important to set a time-frame, and as the blurb says, "Forget waiting for Mr. Right! You can go out and find "The One" yourself when you follow this plan."

I know this has been discussed before, but have you ever know anyone in the history of love, who started looking for love or marriage and found it in 365 days by following a plan? 

A very good book I read a number of years ago, With or Without a Man, has a wonderful list in it, something like "The Nine Messages Women Get". One of them is "Find a man!" Another one is, "You'll only meet him when you stop looking." The author points out how opposite those two messages are.

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Community Leader
Registered: 07-16-2001
Mon, 08-27-2012 - 8:18am

If my only goal in life was to get married, and I didn't care about being happy I'm sure I could do it in a year.  I'd have to settle for far less than I want and be manipulative, and possibly misrepresent myself, but I could do it. 

I get so sick of people saying you'll find "him" when you stop looking.  Those people really don't know what they're talking about.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Mon, 08-27-2012 - 8:26am

Sometimes I really dont think it is that hard to find a guy and get married .. Heck; I did it twice and I could have been married more times than that but like shy said its the quality of men.. I truly married two wrong men...and I probably could have married alot more wrong  men..but thank God for some limited sense I have...

 

Avatar for floridagirl52
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
Mon, 08-27-2012 - 9:23am

The author is not recommending settling or marrying just anyone: she feels once you know yourself and remove the blocks you have, that you will meet the right guy.

I've heard this many times. I agree that in cases where someone does need to deal with issues, that it probably is true that you won't meet anyone (healthy) until you have. But what about those of us who don't have issues?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2008
Mon, 08-27-2012 - 9:32am

I've read similar books.  I don't buy into the time deadline.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Mon, 08-27-2012 - 9:43am

Sorry but no matter how much we think we dont have issues and some have worse than others we really do all have issues. I mean we are human and we cant be perfect so we have some sort of stuff going on.. I mean I have and I am not afraid to admit it.. I would think everyone on this board has something to deal with and that is either light baggage or heavy baggage.. I dont think itmakes us unlovable or unable to find someone I think they are just who we are.. It doesntmake us bad or evil or whatever but it just says that we have lived life and we have battle scars. JMHO...

I mean I know for me that I am right  now pretty jaded and have a bad attitude about getting out there again and trying to meet someone.. It doesnt mean I dont want to meet someone but with my attidute right now why would someone want to deal with me? I am also aging and maybe a guy doesnt want an old woman with baggage? I have no idea. I know I have good things going for me but maybe someone doesnt want someone living with their family and who has no job?? I have to look at their point of view.. So if there is someone out there for me he better understand an aging crabby women with wrinkles and limited funds and no job and all. So I might not have that chance again so I guess I have to stay alone and just wait for death.

Please dont think we all dont have issues because from reading the posts for awhile now I can say I would think you guys have issues. sorry but I say it as I see it.. Heck. I include myself in that also.

 

Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Mon, 08-27-2012 - 10:04am

FG, you pose a good question . . . I have to say, I tend to agree with Free.  I think most everyone has some sort of baggage, even if it's been quietly tucked away.  I know I do . . .

Still, if a person were to exist, having no "issues" . . . I'd love to hear the response to your question. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2011
Mon, 08-27-2012 - 12:14pm
Recently I am starting to wonder if I have a problem within myself.

I met many guys and they are interested in going out again. But I find myself not wanting to go out. Like I dislike every guy I meet.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Mon, 08-27-2012 - 5:02pm

get married in a year?  I couldn't even find a BF in a year of looking (on OLD).  I think it's kind of ridiculous.  Of course I think Kim Kardashian had the goal of getting married as soon as possible & look where that landed her.  Personally I don't think you can get to know someone well enough in a year to decide if you should get married, although it must work for some people.

Oh & now that I'm not looking, I'm not getting any dates either--the difference is that it's more relaxing & less stressful and I can just enjoy going out with friends.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-10-2012
Mon, 08-27-2012 - 6:56pm

I think the younger you are the more likely you are to marry(or re-marry).   I still have faith that it can happen.  A gf at work met a man on OLD and just recently got married.  She is a few years older than I....Have Faith!!!

But my reality is that I just don't see it happening.    I am not really looking, i have BTDT, and not sure I can deal with ex-wives,  his kids....baggage.   

I think I am too jaded, burnt or have given up hope.  

We all have baggage.   Kids, ex's, aging parents, debt...whatever\

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-23-2008
Mon, 08-27-2012 - 9:34pm

Well, the messages aren't much better in books written for us men. They all pretty much tell us the same thing: become a pick-up artist, because that's something you, the male reader, obviously are not... oh, and you must also develop this crazy idea that someone is going to give you a gold trophy cup if you have sex with enough women.

I agree with the poster who says people who tell you it'll happen when you least expect it, don't know what they're talking about. Being openly asexual is not a problem for me; but it was more difficult to come to terms with the fact that I'll always be introverted, and I'll always be a homebody.

At 45, even if I was to meet the woman of my dreams tomorrow, I wouldn't be interested in her now. I have no use for love.

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