Get Married This Year

Avatar for floridagirl52
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
Get Married This Year
35
Mon, 08-27-2012 - 8:01am

I saw this book and read some excerpts on Amazon. To me, it's pretty much like every book I've picked up like this. The author feels that it's important to set a time-frame, and as the blurb says, "Forget waiting for Mr. Right! You can go out and find "The One" yourself when you follow this plan."

I know this has been discussed before, but have you ever know anyone in the history of love, who started looking for love or marriage and found it in 365 days by following a plan? 

A very good book I read a number of years ago, With or Without a Man, has a wonderful list in it, something like "The Nine Messages Women Get". One of them is "Find a man!" Another one is, "You'll only meet him when you stop looking." The author points out how opposite those two messages are.

Avatar for floridagirl52
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
Wed, 08-29-2012 - 7:56am

She has two men after her right now. 

But consider this: It all depends on what you are looking for. If you are looking for long-term, then jumping right in to a relationship before you are even divorced may not be the best thing. I also don't feel that two dysfunctional people getting together makes for a happy couple, especially not long-term. If your co-worker is looking for male attention and excitement, then great, and I think that can serve its purpose. But I would think that would wear a little thin once she wants something more meaningful.

 

Community Leader
Registered: 07-16-2001
Wed, 08-29-2012 - 8:20am

She wasn't looking for either man.  They pretty much fell in her lap.  She doesn't want anything serious right now, and they do.  Both guys have their life together from what she's told me.  They've been divorced for a decent amount of time and have steady jobs.  I've met one of them and he was a little too loud for me, but he seemed like a decent guy.  She went to high school with both guys and dated one of them back then.  So, no, it's not a case of "just anyone" or her being desperate right now.  They really just fell into her lap.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2006
Wed, 08-29-2012 - 10:23am

I also think that even people with baggage or have problems find someone.. I think that some people just belong together for some reason ... some people just match together... Its finding them that is the issue.'

couldnt agree more. 15 years ago i was deeply miserable, deeply depressed, horribly alone and lost in a deep black hole of nothingness, stuck in a joke of a so called *marriage* not knowing how to get out, and amost loosing the job i loved, all at the same time. i was full of ALL immaginable issues and baggage in the world and still in the middle of it all i met  my man. 15 years later we are still together, living together, very unmarried and very happy..

Its ALL about luck, all about right place at the right time..

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2008
Wed, 08-29-2012 - 5:34pm

You are 1000% correct.  we all have quirks, but it IS a matter of degree.  Even then, I have seen women with MAJOR baggage that are with good men.  No rhyme or reason.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2008
Wed, 08-29-2012 - 5:36pm

Heather, yes, I think ALL of these things!  You are not alone.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2011
Thu, 08-30-2012 - 10:07am
A timeline like this reminds me of the 5 minute exercise advertisements, the rest of the world has to workout for hours to achieve the gains they claim, but somehow they have discovered the secret formula to achieve the same thing with minimal effort or time.
 
And how many of these self help books are written by triple divorced authors, who probably have years of therapy to know all the buzzwords and make a claim in a title for huge profits from it. It's a capitalist system, if they can find pigeons, more power to them! People always want the quick fix and for someone to tell them there is one.
 
But the idea of issues is interesting. It doesn't have to be mental health or baggage issues. If a man or woman really wants a relationship but can never get past a first or second date or has none at all - there are issues. The issues may be with technique and social skills.
 
Someone who huffs and puffs after a minute of running doesn't suddenly announce they are running a marathon tomorrow. Yet dating is probably the only thing that despite repeated failure, people rarely want to take a look at themselves. Actually many seem to do the opposite and declare themselves so amazing that no one wants to date them. That feels good temporarily but doesn't allow the person to learn from their mistakes and failures.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2003
Thu, 08-30-2012 - 10:34am

 

' If a man or woman really wants a relationship but can never get past a first or second date or has none at all - there are issues. The issues may be with technique and social skills'

Yes, agree.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Thu, 08-30-2012 - 10:53am

I would think that if anyone believes they have no problems and dont need work on themselves has a problem.. We alll have to work on ourselves everyday and become better people. I mean we all should look in the proverbial mirror everyday and see what can we do to become a better person. Now that isnt just for the sake of meeting someone but for the sake of being a better and more rounded human being and to reach a higher level of consciousness just in case we need it down the road and fill up our Karma tank..

I mean just go over to the affairs boards and betrayed spouses boards and the dv boards and all that and you will see all of the dyfunction that goes on.. Heck; I was involved with an abusive man.. I married him because I was a mess at that time and I thought all was fine.. Well? I wasnt fine and we divorced and it took me ten years to do that..I went on a healing of self discovery and healing and now I feel like I am okay although many would beg to differ. Like I said I know my good self and bad self and I keep working on my faults and yes I am aging and no longer that attractive to men..plus I dont go out there much anymore to look for anyone so I have cut my odds down tremendously and my odds are bad to begin with.. I want someone to fall in  my lap but that aint happening so I guess I am stuck alone and just growing older as we speak which cuts down the odds more. I have been alone alone now since 2008 and it sucks but I am not making any effort either to meet anyone ...

As far as the self help books I have read dozens of them and I love some and hate some. I have read the love books and most of them say to go out there and find someone.. no matter what venue it is.. parties, speed dating, networking, friends, singles events, meet up groups, online dating and all of it. etc.ect.. How many of us on here honestly would be willing to do all of that and take a zillion chances..

Speak up Now!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2008
Thu, 08-30-2012 - 11:08am
juliasuk wrote:

 

' If a man or woman really wants a relationship but can never get past a first or second date or has none at all - there are issues. The issues may be with technique and social skills'

Yes, agree.

Or it can be partially that, when you are a certain age, the number of women who are healthy and available for a relationship far exceeds the supply of men who are their counterparts. Some of us choose to be single rather than date people we are not attracted to or who have major deal breakers.  I know waaay too many women who are effed up and have poor social skills but are in relationships to totally agree with the above statement.

I just did an OLD search for the hell of it, though I always regret it.  I am 51, my age range is 48-58.  The men were by far older looking, unkempt, smokers, and just generally not dateable.  In contrast, I know many women who are in good shape and have their acts together.  Where are our male counterparts?  Therein lies the dilemma.

As far as human beings are concerned, there is no "one size fits all." We are far, far too complex for that to be applicable. Not saying that there is never any truth to what you are saying, just that I believe that, sociologically and demographically, the issue is far more intricate.

Avatar for cfk_3
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Registered: 05-14-1999
Thu, 08-30-2012 - 12:34pm

I agree!

Sometimes I actually wonder if there are more single "healthy" individulas floating around out there than there are "damaged" individuals who are in a relationship . . .