getting a girl's phone number?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2006
getting a girl's phone number?
10
Wed, 05-31-2006 - 2:33pm
I am a male. Okay, so I approach a random girl, we hit it off, should I ask for her number or give her my number?
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2005
Wed, 05-31-2006 - 2:51pm

I don't follow any rules with respect to giving out my number. If the guy seems trustworthy enough and there's a mutual attraction, I'll give my number. Sometimes a prompt at the end of the conversation, like, "I've really enjoyed talking with you and hope to do it again sometime" will get the message through to the woman and she'll offer her number if she wants to. If she doesn't you could ask if it would be okay for you to get her number so you could call her sometime. If you're not feeling that brave, you could offer her your number and leave the ball in her court. I once had a guy I talked to at a party give me his number and say several times that he hoped to hear from me. In that scenario, there was no immediate danger of rejection, but I didn't contact him, so it was more of a delayed rejection I suppose.

However, when the chemistry is right, you'll most certainly walk away with a number. When my boyfriend and I initially hit it off, I knew we would probably be seeing each other again. I basically said, "okay, I guess I'll be seeing you again, so I better give you my number." I guess I made it pretty easy for him, huh?

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 05-31-2006 - 3:02pm

I think the best approach is to have a business card handy that you can give to her, and have a pen handy too so you can write your cell or home number on the back. As you're getting the card out of your wallet, say something like, "hey I've enjoyed talking with you...if you'd like to get together again sometime, give me a call. Or I can call you if you feel comfortable giving me your number..."

That's a no pressure approach that would work for me, at least.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2006
Wed, 05-31-2006 - 3:04pm
thanks for the response, I have heard that it is better to just give the girl your number? is she less likely to call in this scenario when you put the ball in her court?
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2006
Wed, 05-31-2006 - 3:11pm
I guess the scenerio is not at a bar or club but rather on the street in downtown NY. That is why there isn't really much time for a convo, so that is why I am asking whether in this quick situation it is better to get her number or leave my number with her. Obvioulsy if we were at a bar talking for a half hr I would exchange numbers, but on the street it's a little more tricky I think.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2005
Wed, 05-31-2006 - 3:13pm

Giving her your number doesn't make it less likely she'll call, it just means you are leaving it up to her. If the woman is interested, she'll very likely call you. If she is traditional and wants the guy to call her, she'll probably make sure you get her number before you part ways.

If you are able to hit it off with someone, go with the flow of the conversation and don't be too persistent or pushy about the digits. In the scenario I was describing, I wasn't interested in the guy. He approached me and chatted me up. I wanted to be polite so talked to him, but after a while, I drifted towards other people. At the end of the party he remerged, gave me his number, and said repeatedly that he wanted to meet up again and asked (also repeatedly) if I would call him. This was a complete turn off because he went from marginally annoying to desperate and scary.

So, if you should meet someone you take an interest in and she in you, be as relaxed and confident about it as possible. Let her know you like her and want to talk to her again, but also be somewhat hands off about it. Give her your information and create an opportunity for her to give her number if she chooses. And then see what happens.

I'm also of the age group where it's not at all uncommon for people to exchange business cards, even in social settings. This also makes the phone number exchange scenario less pressure-filled and more like a regular social transaction.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2006
Wed, 05-31-2006 - 3:19pm
you see, I have no problem asking for a girl's number or giving her mine, my question is for the women, what would they rather do when meeting someone briefly on the streets of Downtown NY, giving their number out or having the person give them his number? Which way will be responed to better by the woman. Remember the interaction will be less than 5 minutes long most likely.
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 05-31-2006 - 3:22pm

Hmm...I guess I'm not sure how you would "hit it off" out on the streets, then! Having lived in NYC I just don't really see that happening...

I personally wouldn't give my number to a stranger in that situation...and honestly, I'd probably take your card, but drop it in the next trash can, just to get rid of you.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2006
Wed, 05-31-2006 - 3:24pm
why would a woman be weirded out if I approach her in public? I would think she would be flattered, instead of me coming up to her in a bar. really, either way, I am a stranger she doesn't know. lol, it seems only in America are women so paranoid, in Europe it's standard practice.
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 05-31-2006 - 3:33pm

Well, for one thing, Europeans have different views on one's personal "zone of privacy", if you will, than we Americans do (I've lived in Paris, btw--and while I got hit on a lot it was never just walking down the street ;-)). Also most European cities are safer than a place like NYC.

There needs to be some sort of shared experience going on, IMO, for a random connection to really work. That's why a bar (or bookstore or concert or other activity) works better.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
Wed, 05-31-2006 - 11:45pm
I prefer to give my email address. Then exchange few emails before deciding to go out again. It is also less pushy. So say you talked about certain outdoor activities, you can ask for her email to send her news on a group that organizes these activities...
then inthe email you can always suggest meeting over a drink to get to know her better.
This way, it is easier for her to show interest/or lack of it and it is also easier for you as well.