Getting him back....
Find a Conversation
| Mon, 07-10-2006 - 3:04pm |
Ok, so my boyfriend and I broke up, and the reasons seemed highly lacking, other then he just wanted to be more independent for a while.
Anyway, I'm in a different city for the summer, and so I don't have to see him (which is lucky i guess, easier to get on with my life) although I have very few friends here. And the two I have work different schedules then I do. I joined a gym and I go often, but most of the people there are older (30+). So basically I really can't develop a crush on anyone else, or focus my attention on something else you know?
And I am convinced that we were perfect for each other, and I definitly want to be with him. Ok, so that might have sounded pathetic, but whatever. So I'm wondering, when I get back into town...we will see each other, and I know the day, because we're involved with the same vollunteer organization so should I ignore him, or be really nice, and talk to him and stuff?
Just wondering what you think would make him miss me more...we won't have spoken for 68 days, and won't have seen each other in over 10 weeks.

Pages
oh no, i know that. I would never go up and discuss getting back together with him.
I just like having plans, and I like making plans, and while I won't have ANY opportunity to see him for over 60 days and basically the same opportunity to talk/contact him during the same time, unless he initiates it I have nothing else really to think about.
I was thinking, just looking great, smiling, looking happy, - they say that's the best revenge, to look great show no resentment. So what I'm thinking is maybe he'll want to get back together, since he hasn't really seen me/spoken to me now for 4 weeks. Who knows right.
I won't bank on it, but it's nice to have a plan of action when I first have to see him/possibly talk to him again.
>I would never go up and discuss getting back together with him.
Whether you discuss it or not is irrelevant because if he asked you back you would jump at the opportunity. Seeking "revenge" and thinking like a woman scorned is unhealthy. He didn't really do anything wrong, he is just not into you and never will be.
Men don't end relationships with women they are really into they find ways of keeping the relationship together. Decent men will end a relationship with a woman they are not into even if it is with a lame excuse. Just because it is a lame excuse it doesn't mean there is a chance of getting together again, it means he hasn’t got the heart to say, “I’M NOT INTO YOU, NOW LEAVE ME ALONE” Bastards would probably lie and cheat until the woman finally walks away.
If he asks you to get back together I guarantee it will only be a temporary affair. It will be because he is feeling lonely and wants to get back into his comfort zone with someone he is familiar with. Once that happens he will remember why he left you in the first place and break up with you again. The second break up will be worse.
But that's what I don't understand...WHY isn't he just *that* into me? I read that book "He's just not that into you" and "It's called a Breakup because it's broken" and it doesn't explain WHY!
I thought everything was great...I'm just not sure what else you would want in a relationship!? And he was "into me" for 2 years, so why not now!? I don't get it...what else does he want, why am I not good enough? It just doesn't make any sense.
I wouldn't jump at the chance to get back together with him acctually...I want him to want to get back together with me so that I can say "i don't think so, not right now, figure out what you want first" what I'm hoping will happen is that in a year, he'll choose me. I don't understand why people keep thinking i'm just going to sit next to the phone waiting for him to take me back. how pathetic. I have NOTHING to do right now. I have no prospects as i'm in a different city, I can't start anything with anyone as i don't LIVE here! I'm not sure what else i'm supposed to do, I mean, I'm thinking about him all the time anyway, so why not just play out scenarios in my head and how I plan to react to different things...like, what if i see him in sept and he has a new gf...how would I react? How will I react if he wants me back...how can I possibly not squash the chace that he might - say by ignoring, or being really mean...
I don't know anyone who knows anyone who got back together and are happily ever after as i'm only 20. All my friends who do have a S.O. are talking about moving in/getting married...what I do know is that some people break up mutually and then sometimes 5 years or so later they end up getting back together and are happily ever after.
I guess what I was looking for was, what would attract a guy...like to make him see what he didn't want anymore...and if that's not healthy, i would like to know what i'm supposed to do all summer, when there's nothing else to think about? If you have suggestions, please, i'm all ears.
It seems like 20 is a hard age to be single.
Maybe you can answer this then...
I wouldn't ask someone out that I wasn't *into*. I might go out on some dates with a guy I wasn't...or with a guy that my friend set me up with...but you would think that early on you would realize you're just not *that* into me/him...
...I am still best friends with my friend from when I was 4, and my other from when I was 9. I have new friends of course, but they are no where as close. He was my new best friend, and I thought it would be like the others. I could understand if he felt that we didn't have that *spark* anymore...but I asked him, and I think he would have just told me...isnt' that a reason? But he said that he still cared, and still felt chemistry with me....I'm smart, pretty, want what he wanted, I'm just not so sure I get the - he's just not into you....Well why the hell not!?
I don't get how you can stop caring about someone. Fall out of love...I just don't get it. I dont' understand break ups in general. I think that's making this harder. If you could shed some light on why or what may have happend...it just doesn't make sense to me.
hollyberry16,
I found this article which I think you should read. I agree with almost everything it says. Especially this tip:
-If you accept your ex back again you are playing with fire. Better to say good-bye once and for all. You deserve better
http://www.topdatingtips.com/getting-dumped.htm
I think what you are looking for is closure. You might not get what you are looking for because sometimes, things just don't work out. I was in your same shoes. I dated a guy three years and he was so into me. We broke up when we were twenty. We still cared for each other and there was still a great love, spark, and chemistry. But the timing was bad and we learned what we were going to learn from each other at that point. I still love him and care for him because he was an intricate part of my life at that time. Would I want to be with him now? No. Did I want to be with him when he started calling me after college? No.
You are so young. And there might still be a spark and he still might think you are great, but he obviously needs to move on. If you guys were with each other for two years and you are now twenty, that means you were very young when you got together. He probably wants to date. He probably wants to go to school and have fun without worrying about hurting you. He wants to learn and grow up.
I know it is hard and sometimes it would make it so much easier for those of us on the other end to have a solid reason. As in, there is somebody else. But sometimes, you're not going to get that.
My advice would be to move on and *try* not to analyze this too much. You are only going to drive yourself nuts. Get out there and date yourself. You might find there is somebody else better for you or you might find that you enjoy being single and just dating right now.
Pages