Getting Out of My Comfort Zone

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2004
Getting Out of My Comfort Zone
10
Sat, 05-19-2007 - 5:29pm
I think I have been stuck in my comfort zone for way too long. I want to go out and meet new people in the hopes that I can make new friends and meet someone special. I have cut some people out of my life that I thought weren't good for me, but that left me with only two or three friends in my area that I don't see that often due to them being married or in serious relationships. I got stuck in a routine where I didn't go out except to my family's house. I was happier just staying in and watching movies by myself than going out, when the invite was offered. But now that the warm weather is here I do want to go out and enjoy it, but it can be intimidating doing things by yourself. Someone at work told me that she used to go to happy hours by herself because it wasn't like you were spending three hours by yourself and feeling lonely. She said that men would come and hit on her all the time. I also heard of this website called meetup.com. There's a club in my area that is full of women who go to the movies, shopping, dining out, ladies night, etc. I'm thinking,"Wow, maybe this could a good group for me." But it is so hard to get motivated to do anything. Has anyone had luck with happy hours or this website or just feeling comfortable doing things on your own, in general? Thanks in advance!
Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Sun, 05-20-2007 - 10:53am

We actually just had a discussion very similar to this one.


http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=iv-rlsinglelovi&msg=7771.1


I've looked up meetup in my area, and there were only two people signed up at that point.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-14-2003
Sun, 05-20-2007 - 4:23pm

Hey there,

I just posted the exact same thing as you a few days ago! That is so funny, your words speak exactly how I feel and went through, almost scary reading it!. Its easier to "hibernate" in the winter, but how that summer's around it gets a little harder. But then its also easier because everyone gets out in the summer and chances of meeting new people are better.

I am totally with you it is extremely hard for me to just make the effort to get out there. Its easy thinking of all these things you want to do, but actually dragging your butt I'm finding it extremely difficult. Its almost like going to the gym, but once you've made your way there, it should be easy.

I'm also going through exactly what you're going through with the friends situation. A good start would definately be finding groups and classes you would be interesting in joining.

I started a computer class, its not really a socializing class, but at least its a start. At least it will slowly help you get out of your shell? Im also considering a golf class. I think there may be potential in meeting someone special if not then maybe friends!

Have you tried the online dating thing? I've done that a few times and if you are lucky then good but I just found that its a bit hard in a sense that your impression of them is a little different than what they turn out to be in reality.

Anyway it would be interesting to let me know your progress on this, because I'm in the exact same boat as you.....

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Mon, 05-21-2007 - 12:14pm

I used to go to a similar Web site, meetin.org, where people posted events of all kinds and you could go to whatever struck your fancy (movies, dinners, parties, happy hours). It was a really great way to meet people and just get out of the house. I met one ex-boyfriend that way, and several great friends.

I do get e-mails from various meetup groups now, but have yet to go to any events. It DOES take motivation, and a little bit of confidence to go hang out with strangers. Sometimes I'm in the mood for that, sometimes not. But, a stranger is a friend you haven't met yet, right? Like you, I have more motivation for that when the weather is warmer, so I'll likely start going to some events this summer.

I'd say give it a shot. The nice thing about those groups is that you can show up for 30 minutes and see if it's the crowd for you. If not, nothing lost. You can go as often or as seldom as you want.

AJ, enjoying life with C.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Mon, 05-21-2007 - 12:20pm

Shy -

There's a "MeetIn" in Kansas City. There are only 180 members (Denver has 3,500), but it looks like they have some events scheduled to see sporting events, if that's up your alley. http://www.meetin.org/city/MEETinKANSASCITY/index.cfm?CFS=Yes

The nice thing about both Meetin and Meetup is that it's not exclusively for singles. It's more focused on just being social. MOST of the people are single, but it's not required.

AJ, enjoying life with C.

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Mon, 05-21-2007 - 8:01pm

Thanks, TG.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Tue, 05-22-2007 - 6:55am

i went to a club alone only once in my life...and met my husband :)...i believe it was because i was by myself, and didn't have my girlfriends around me, i was more approachable.

i think the happy hour alone sounds like a good idea...so does finding some friends to share hobbies with.

honey

    

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Tue, 05-22-2007 - 11:38am

Wow - now that's a success story. :)

I have been way too timid to try happy hour alone, but I might give it a shot.

--
Edited for a typo




Edited 5/22/2007 1:29 pm ET by tallgirlcolo

AJ, enjoying life with C.

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Tue, 05-22-2007 - 6:43pm

You know what might be fun?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Wed, 05-23-2007 - 12:11pm

Single people? Do I know any of those? If I did, your idea would be fun. :)

Sorry - I'm in a bad mood because yet another coworker just got engaged. I am definitely running out out single female friends who are willing to go out like that.

AJ, enjoying life with C.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2004
Wed, 05-23-2007 - 12:34pm
I've had good luck going to bars/restaurants by myself during "off" hours. I went to a happy hour once on a Thursday and met a guy who I dated casually for a few months - super cute, but no long term potential - but some fun Saturdays at the beach! Most recently, I went to a bar/restaurant on a Sunday afternoon and had a salad and glass of wine and met my current boyfriend (it's been about 5 months). I definitely recommend it - at worst you people watch/have a few conversations and head home without feeling like you just run between the office and home, kwim? I've never done it at a club, though, and generally prefer wine bars or bars that also have a restaurant - but that's my preference single or in a group. Also, I'm in NYC, and I think people do things alone here more often than other places I've lived.