Getting Over Cruel Teasings

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Getting Over Cruel Teasings
4
Wed, 11-29-2006 - 11:49pm

When I was a kid, I was teased mercilessly for a rumor that a girl and I were in love. It terrified me, and until recently I have never fully recognized the damaging effect of the constant teasing.

Last night, to indulge myself in dirty fantasies, I read Casanova's memoir which I bought many months ago. While the writing is not as pornographic as I expected, the anticipations it built up roiled my blood. Now, his comment in the introduction, that in his pursuits of women he relied on amorous feelings and not any preconceived routine, seemed serendipitous as I am trying to shed my sexual inhibitions. If, I thought, it is true that one has to rely on his or her feelings, I can never achieve a fulfilling love relationship or sexual relationship until I recover from the teasings that I received.

So earlier today, in my journal which I use to sort out and put together scattered thoughts, I wrote that it is a wonderful thing that I fall in love with a girl and that I am sexually attracted to her. Furthermore, I told myself in a gentle tone that if I, like Casanova did, "nurture" my amorous feelings and trust in their powers, I will fall in love with a wonderful girl. What do you think? What else can I do to nurture myself?

Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Thu, 11-30-2006 - 12:35am

I can think of a way in which you can nurture yourself. Sorry, I couldn't resist(it's late).

It seems as though you are making progress. Good for you. Yeah, take a cue from Casanova and just go with those amorous feelings. Don't think too much.

Also, journaling IS a great way to sort out your thoughts.

About the trauma from the teasing about the girl ... why did it leave you feeling so damaged? I know you are still young but if it's something that really haunts you, perhaps you could get some short term counseling in order to deal with it and forge ahead.




Edited 11/30/2006 12:41 am ET by bbw_26
Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Thu, 11-30-2006 - 10:50am

I think we all get teased for liking someone- or being "in love"- at some point in our lives.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 11-30-2006 - 11:45pm
Actually, I am still surprised that the effect was so great, but four years of constant jeering is a lot ....
Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Fri, 12-01-2006 - 2:43am

Sorry you had to endure that, four years is a long time. I was a target in school too. I went to a relatively small christian school. I had a huge crush on this kid, Geric Smith. We had study hall in the band room. The teacher stepped out of the classroom and he pulled out his erm, member, and beat a drum with it. Allegedly. I suspect one of the cheerleaders told on him. I think he ended up getting suspended for a couple of days. The next day a group of his buddies cornered me in the hallway and accused me of tattling. If I remember correctly, one of them even pushed me. It brought me to tears. You know, I even got punched in the arm by a guy at the same school because I wouldn't let him look at my paper during a test!? Ryan Weller if you're reading this, you should be ashamed!

Anyway, I was painfully shy. I guess that made me an easy target. I have several memories similar to these. I suppose most people have experienced bully's at some point. Guess I got a little carried away. I didn't mean to ramble, I just wanted you to know that I could relate on some level.

Hopefully you can find a way to come to terms with what happened and overcome this confidence issue you are having. If it helps any, sometimes it can take years to gain confidence. I am still working on mine today and I'm 33 ; )

Good luck to you!




Edited 12/1/2006 2:49 am ET by bbw_26