Girl at Bank = Want to Ask Out

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-13-2005
Girl at Bank = Want to Ask Out
15
Wed, 06-20-2007 - 1:19am

Hello,

I recently went into a bank to refinance my loan. I found the girl that helped me to be very attractive. I want to ask her out.

I'm NOT worried about rejection but would like advice on how I should approach her to ask her out based on these facts: 1) I have only met her once 2)We do not know each other 3) I do not visit that bank often 4) I might put her in a bad spot if I were to ask her out at work (maybe I'd get her in trouble).

I can contact her via phone, email or in person. I feel that asking her out via email is impersonal. We may talk via phone until my loan is complete. I was thinking of calling her on the phone to see how my loan is doing so that I can keep the communication lines open. I want to build some type of rapport but I know that my time to make "the move" is very, very limited. Any advice?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2005
Wed, 06-20-2007 - 8:58am
Email may seem impersonal, but IMO it's the best way to handle this. It'll give her time to react thoughtfully rather than being put on the spot in a work environment.


iVillage Member
Registered: 09-13-2005
Wed, 06-20-2007 - 9:38pm
I agree yet wouldn't it be flattering if I were to stop by the bank. She would say "hello"
how can i help you?" I'd say something like well actually I'm not here for business but I am here to simply ask you to lunch. But I do agree email may be the best senario yet then if she doen't reply.... you'll always wonder if she got the email. Phone or in person, to me seems, more personal.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-18-2007
Wed, 06-20-2007 - 11:34pm

Your username is pretty apt. I think that you should definitely keep the lines of communication open and as frequent as possible without making it totally obvious what you are doing. I would call once or twice and try and develop some rapport with her, try to talk as much as possible outside of the loan business. Run your phone game, ask lots of questions about her etc (maybe one of you ladies can help out with what you like to discuss here). One thing I have recently picked up on from observing players, don't talk about boring topics like weather, how she finds her job etc, girls hate that crap. Talk about things which are interesting and emotive. I am not particularly good at doing this myself, but have a think about what to talk to ahead of time. Maybe ask some girls that you know for advice, or ask the ones on this message board.

Then, once you have called a few times. She will hopefully be starting to wonder what you think of her and whether you are attracted to her. Then is the perfect time to escalate the situation by going in to see her. When you go to see her, I think you need to let her know in some way that you are interested. Don't over do it, make it subtle but nontheless let her know that you want to do something more than discuss bank loans with her. I don't think you should ask her our in person though. This is not good as it may put too much pressure on her and it also may be not cool with her employer.

Finally, you email her asking her out for a coffee to "make friends". This is very low pressure for her and also it doesn't make it obvious that you are trying to pick her up. I like this approach because you gradually escalate the situation/relationship rather than just going in all guns blazing. This gives any feelings she may have for you a chance to grow and develop over time.

All the best buddy. Let us know what you end up doing and how it goes for you - You have to learn from others' mistakes because you don't have enough time to make them all on your own.

CM

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-13-2005
Thu, 06-21-2007 - 12:57am
Thanks for your thoughts. I agree building rapport is very important but I don't want to seem like I'm bugging her by calling her at work too much. Do you think communication via email may be a good thing? That way I am not bothering her at work as I do not know if someone (like her manager) may be nearby where she does not have the free time to talk. Most people can figure out what your talking about if they are close by and may figure out the conversation isn't exactly loan related. Most importantly, I don't want her to get in troubl.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-13-2005
Thu, 06-21-2007 - 1:00am

Sisfox

Thanks for your thoughts. I too think that email may be the best way to communicate. Do you think that calling her on the phone to talk about my loan and small chit chat would be a good idea?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2005
Thu, 06-21-2007 - 2:31am
you sound like a very reasonable person to me, and i'd say just go with your gut. i'll be interested to hear how it goes.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2005
Thu, 06-21-2007 - 8:43am

I can only give you my POV. I used to sell real estate, and if one of my clients had asked me out, it would have been very uncomfortable for me, even if I had the slightest interest.

You are right - phone or in person is more personal - but it also puts her on the spot. If she has qualms - or even corporate directives - that prohibit dating customers, or even if she's just not interested, it'll be terribly awkward.

A quick email or even a handwritten note asking her to meet for drinks would be better, IMO.


iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2005
Thu, 06-21-2007 - 8:47am

If you have actual business material to discuss with her, then yeah, maybe call to discuss it and end the conversation with something like "I really appreciate all the work you've put in on this, and I'd like to take you to lunch as a thank you".

But I wouldn't advise calling her soley for social reasons.


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2003
Thu, 06-21-2007 - 9:35am
I agree with the poster who said "don't call her just for social reasons." If it were me, and I had not done anything but be appropriately nice to a customer, and they hit on me, I would be very uncomfortable as well. You don't say a single thing in any of your posts as to this girl expressing any kind of interest. It sounds like (and you don't even say if she was "friendly" to you or not) but if she was friendly, that is part of a bank employee's job.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Thu, 06-21-2007 - 11:39am

I think you need to wait until you close on the loan before you ask her out - otherwise she might feel weird about mixing business with pleasure.

After the loan is closed, call her to thank her for her help and ask if she's like to meet for coffee or a drink after work.

AJ, enjoying life with C.

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