giving up on love
Find a Conversation
| Tue, 12-27-2005 - 4:33am |
Okay, i just graduated earlier this year from high school...which is not the bad news here. before i left high school, i felt totally "slept on" < slang for (under-estimated).
only because i never dated and yet girls who were big like me or bigger than me dated and i never have!?
i questioned it all the time...and i felt so...unfair!
i questioned myself all the time. Where people lying to me about being pretty, DO i HAVE to loose weight to get a guy and am i actually ugly? just cant seem to get it at all!
so a couple of months b4 graduation i said to myself..., "i'm going to give up on it all the way!! and NO looking back at all!!!
its a feeling where u KNOW deep down inside that you have it but other people of the opposite sex dont notice it.... i know it was just "high school" and it has a reputation of "keeping a certain image" and being popular.
now college is coming around, i still feel the same, but unaware of it too. like something new may happened or just will be better infulences? not sure but i'm totally giving up on looking for it (love). people always tell me let love look for you or just be patient... and ive done all of those things and where am i? herer giving up on it... what a life huh?
what are your insights?

Hello and welcome!
I'm not a fan of the saying "let love find you."
I used to hate it when I was younger when people would say "it's just highschool" or "it's just college" and "don't worry about it". That always made me feel like it wasn't important to have a boyfriend or any love interests at all because it was just a certain time in my life. And I didn't agree with them, because it was important to me.
Like you, I tried the "I'm giving up" mantra for a very long time. I tried to convince myself that it wasn't important to me and that I didn't see a need for that kind of love in my life. It didn't work though. I was lying to myself and honestly, I could never believe it for very long anyway.
My advice would be to not give up and instead work on convincing yourself that you are worth it, just as you are. Anything you do to change yourself and your life should be based on this. I tried giving up for a long time and made excuses that "people like me" weren't supposed to find love or need it. Now, I know that I am and that it will happen. Just from this experience, which has taken me a long time to realize, I can tell you it's much better on this side. Instead of having the attitude of giving up, I have the attitude of hope and confidence. Living with that attitude is much better and makes for a lot more fun.
My personal experience is that it is harder to find someone to date if you are larger.
Ok lostprop,
I’ll agree that men are visual and driven by their sexuality…, it is a true statement that women who give it up easier will have more men around them…,
…, however I do have to disagree with you in advising the young woman to have fun and a few flings…, first of course is the extreme dangers of lifelong STD’s from flings went awry (yeah, yeah, yeah,.., we keep telling them to use condoms and they continue to keep ignoring us), second is the all too prevalent unwanted pregnancy..,
.., but what I think we miss in talking to young adults about sex is that unprotected, monogamous sex with the person you love and have intimate knowledge of is more than just a physical pleasure but exceeds all levels of emotional, mental, physical, and spiritual bonds…,
…, I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again…, I would rather stay celibate 10 years to have the previously describes sex once…, than to have a different supermodel in my bed every night!!
OP…, have sex with someone when you love and care for them…, not for a “fling”…, this doesn’t mean you have to live with them or marry them.., it just means you have to know them and care for them!!
I was skinny in high school but I always wore glasses until I was 16. My eye sight was very bad too so I had to wear them all the time. When I was in school the frames were a lot thicker than they are now and I felt very unattractive. Once I got contacts and more importantly graduated I started being more confident around guys and started dating. I agree with the other posters it's more about your attitude than your appearance. If you dress well and project confidence you will find men that want to date you. Don't give up it will happen.
Also, guys have a difficult time asking girls out in high school. In my class I would say less than half the class had a steady boyfriend in high school and of those that did many dated someone from another school. In my experience most people don't date until after high school.