Giving a man a second chance?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2003
Giving a man a second chance?
6
Wed, 01-18-2006 - 11:42am
I was dating this guy for about 2 months. He was a great guy, but ended up just sorta fading out of the picture--I didn't push it since I could tell he wasn't interested in being exclusive and just moved on. Now, six months later he's back. He confessed that while we were dating he met someone else he was really interested in (we were never exclusive so that was okay)and was exclusive with her for about 4 months, but as he got to know her better he realized she wasn't the one for him. He said in hindsight he realizes how great we were together and how much he's always really like me, and he'd really like a chance to date me again and see what happens. I guess I'm torn...I really did like him and he was a great guy...respectful, etc....but I have to admit my pride is somewhat in the way...I mean if he thought I was so great before why was he so easily distracted by this other girl? If he was too stupid before to realize how great I was why should I give him a second chance? Of course, I realize sometimes the surface or image of a person can be appealing and then you can realize they aren't all that great and realize the true value of someone you've kinown much longer. So I don't know...am I being foolish to give a guy a second chance who passed me over once for someone else--or by not giving him a chance am I just being to egotistical and immature about my pride? Like I said, he's always been honest and respectful with me, which I have to admire, and we have a lot in common, but I'm still not sure if giving someone who's passed you over once a second chance is a stupid thing to do...
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Wed, 01-18-2006 - 12:39pm

Go with your gut. Do you really want to be the runner up? Don't settle for scraps.

I have been burned by this in the past, so that's where my advice is coming from.

AJ, enjoying life with C.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2004
Wed, 01-18-2006 - 12:55pm
I agree, I gave a guy a second chance and it blew up in my face. It's almost like they respect you less, when you give them the second chance they don't deserve. Don't go with second best. You don't deserve it. Move on.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2005
Wed, 01-18-2006 - 3:58pm

I'm generally a believer of the theory that a guy picks a girl when he's ready and it has more to do with timing than it does the girl.

That said, if those "second choice" thoughts are in your head now, they're unlikely to just go away.

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Wed, 01-18-2006 - 10:15pm

I think it depends on how he "faded away."

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-23-2005
Wed, 01-18-2006 - 10:27pm
I say life is too short to live with what if's. Which would you regret more down the line, giving him a second chance or kicking him to the curb. If you weren't that serious anyway, what's the harm in trying again, especially if he was respectful and a gentelman? I don't know your situation but I do know that i let some guys get away that if I met them again I hope would give me a 2nd chance. Keep us posted.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
Thu, 01-19-2006 - 12:23am

sometimes the "what if I did not do it" can be more peaceful than the what "if I did it".
I ve been in a different situation but chose to "do it" simply because I did not want to ask the "What if". looking back I wish the "What if" was never answered and in my mind my ex stayed that great guy who all girls used to die for... not this pshycopath that ruined his life and 2 years of mine with his obsessions and misery...

Chances are this guy wont stay too long with you. I m sure soon enough he will meet another girl who looks like, talks like, dresses like ... live like the one he met before and go after her. the risk is high and if he does go after someone the hurt will be great.
A lesson from project management I have to throw in here: if the risk is high and the impact is high too then dont adopt this solution. Look for men with low risk and also men who havent dumpped you b4 so the impact is less. It s not because you are punishing him it is just a matter of whether you should take the risk and whether it is worth it (after all there are another 3 billion men on this planet :)

have faith that you will meet a nice guy who will not put you second to any and start your day happy :)