going for drinks...

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2006
going for drinks...
6
Sat, 12-30-2006 - 5:49pm
After how many dates of just meeting for drinks do you feel a guy should ask you out for dinner? I have been dating this guy on and off for the past 3 months, conversation is great and chemistry is there...he just hasn't asked me to do any other activity than "go for drinks". I have no problem initiating another date activity, but I can't help feel like his non invitation is an indication of this guys character...thoughts?
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2005
Sat, 12-30-2006 - 6:36pm
I think I would take that as an indication that he's either unwilling unable to take the next step in your relationship. If he can't commit to dinner, what can he commit to?
Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Sat, 12-30-2006 - 6:45pm

I completely agree.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2004
Sat, 12-30-2006 - 9:02pm

Gowomen,

I personally would never go out for drinks on a first date. I'm a woman that you take out for dinner. I put a high value on myself and let the man be aware of that from the minute he meets me. I would stop dating this guy altogether. A guy who keeps on asking a woman out for drinks and not on a proper date has no class. By continually accepting his invitations over a three month period, you are showing him that you feel that you don't deserve any better treatment. Women need to learn that they aren't at men's beck and call. You also need to take responsibility for your actions.

Feisty

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2005
Sun, 12-31-2006 - 11:34am

I would think that he should have asked you on a proper date after your first meeting for the "drinks". 3 months??? Thats a ridiculous amount of time to just be meeting for drinks.

I mean normally I will meet a guy for drinks for the initial meeting (online dating) since we don't know if we are going to like each other, but like my last date as soon as we met he said "would you like to get a table?" and I said Yes and we had dinner together because we knew we wanted to spend more time together than that initial meeting.

3 months is way too long to just be having drinks with someone. I would be so over this by now and annoyed. You have a lot of patience.

Smile,

Deirdre

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2006
Mon, 01-01-2007 - 6:47pm

Feisty-
First I would like to thank you for your comment and contribution to my situation. I do agree that at this point, 3 months is past the point of acceptable behavior on behalf of this guy...it will be the end of that relationship (or lack there of for that matter).

However, I find your remark to be slightly offensive, demeaning and quite assumptive. I am a woman who deeply values and has respect for myself. I am a woman who gets taken out to dinner, to museums, movies, concerts, etc. I am a woman who acts responsibly and with morality. I am a woman who is comfortable enough with myself to accept the offer to go out for drinks with a man because- maybe he is shy.

I am NOT at a man’s beck and call, nor will I ever be. I am quite an independent woman. Thank you

Gowomen

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2004
Mon, 01-01-2007 - 7:19pm

Gowoman,

There is no need to be offended. I'm from Australia so dating is very different there and most people do not meet people online like in America. If a guy asks me out for drinks, then I assume that he's testing the waters and he's not sure about me whereas dinner is a commitment. If a guy cannot commit to dinner, as another poster said previously, what can he commit to? From the start, I demand respect from a man and I will not go out for coffee or drinks with a man. I decline the invitation. You settled for less when you accepted his invitation for drinks. Shy men are quite capable of asking women out to dinner.

Feisty