going form "can't wait to see you again"

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2005
going form "can't wait to see you again"
14
Tue, 03-21-2006 - 2:55pm

Hi – How is everyone? Well, I have been reading here a few weeks and finally decided to throw this short story out there and see if anyone can help me fix this.
I met a guy – he is very slow at calling. We have been trying to talk for about 6 or 7 weeks – I bet he has called 5 or 6 times in that time and he won’t call at night – he always calls me at work – not my cell phone – at work through my switchboard and I have told him that calling me at work is ok but I would prefer he not go through the switch board for personal calls and also I would prefer to talk to him when I away from work so we can actually talk. In this 6 weeks we have went out 3 times. The last time we went out it was a VERY good date – in fact he called that time – later that evening (it was a lunch date) and said he had a great time and can’t wait to see me again so I called the next day and asked him to come over to let me cook for him – said he already had plans and gave me a back up date and then called on the back up date and said that he had forgotten about plans he had made and then stopped calling – I called him on it and asked what had went wrong – through email – he said he had just gotten busy but still maintaining he had a good time and even giving a time frame he would call again. I emailed and apologized for jumping the gun on him not calling and then asked him to do something that Saturday – he gave me the run around, said he would call Friday and never did. I emailed him again Monday and kept it friendly but basically told I don’t do things this way – if someone says they will call they should. If you ask me the guy acts like he has a girlfriend. He always is giving me the run around and he doesn’t call at night, only calls me at work ect… but how can I either get back to the point where he was saying had the best time and can’t wait to see me again or at least admitting he has another girl so I know that connection we had was not just a figment of my imagination. I know this is crazy – at this point the guy has been a jerk. The last email got no response. But up until that point he was at least calling but it was almost like he did just enough to keep me in the wings. Any point of views on this? I really like this guy. Had a crush on him for 2 years before we went out.
Ok, lots of you going to say – he is not that into you and he is not interested enough – fine I get that – but how do they go from “can’t wait to see you again” to not calling at all in no time flat???




Edited 3/21/2006 3:58 pm ET by lonelyvixen

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Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003

Sometimes they just DO...and you'll never know why.

I'm in a not dissimilar situation...the guy shows me *some* interest but not enough and not with any regularity, and I'm ready to chuck it all. Sure, I'd love to know if it's because he's dating other people or what...but I doubt I will ever find out. Whatever the reason, what he's offering isn't enough for me, so it's up to me to walk away.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2004

how do they go from “can’t wait to see you again” to not calling at all in no time flat???

From what I can gather, he really didn't have that great of a time, and did not want to see you again, and he simply said he wanted to see you again to obvioulsy make you believe he was into you. It doesn't seem to me that he went from being into you, to not being, he just wasn't to begin with. Also, the fact that he called about once a week, if that, when you two were just starting out, was not a good sign. Men that are into women call, and it is more than once a week. I have been in, and am currently in a friendship with a man who doesn't call but once or twice a week, and that is not me, I enjoy conversation. He hasn't called since Thursday of last week, and I called him Sunday evening, no response. He will be let go of very shortly. It sounds to me that you should do the same with this guy. He isn't worth your time or energy. Find yourself someone who wants to talk to, and see you.

P.S. I would have to agree with you when you suspect that he is seeing someone else It sounds just about right.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
As a guy, I would not want a young woman to call me and ask why I'm not calling .... I think that he could have handled the situation better, but, yeah, sometimes it is tough to reject somebody. Best of luck!
Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003

I agree with you.

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003

I'm going to have to disagree on how often men call in the beginning.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2005
In my defense, I realize I put him on the spot so to speak but we have known each other over 2 years so it is not like I just met him. I would never put someone on the spot that I didn't know well and I probably wouldn't like someone enough to care if we had only went out 3 times with no previous history. It might be hard for him to reject me. But as a girl, I would much rather hear, let's be friends, this isn't working like I thought it would - any of those besides I had a great time, can't wait to see you again and then not ever calling again. To me, that is just being a jerk!!! In the time I have known him I just pictured him to be more upfront and it has left me in a state of confusion.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2005

A lot of times, guys just say all those things they think we want to hear, even if they don't mean them.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2005

I don't mean to be harsh here but exactly how much crap are you willing to put up with? Is this man still as attractive and alluring as he was now that he's avoided you and blown you off?

I know it's hard to let someone go that you've had a crush on for so long; I've been there, but you have to move on. You're better than an occasional phone call or email and you'd do well to work on believing that before anything else.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2005
Not harsh at all - maybe it is the thrill of the chase - maybe it is because I did feel a good connection with him and I just want to know what happened. He has a stressful job and recently had some bad health news. Maybe the health news got him down and I just seemed clingy by asking him to explain himself when he was just wanting downtime to process the health news. I don't know - maybe he does have a girlfriend - but I asked before we went the first time and he said he didn't. I just know the guys I like seems to do crap like this and the guys I don't like seem to ring my phone off the hook. I am just finally to the point of frustration to post. Thanks for everyone's insight. I know I deserve better, I know I can't drive myself crazy but somtimes you just can't help wonder what the hell happened. I think these feelings just mean I am human.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2005

"He has a stressful job and recently had some bad health news. Maybe the health news got him down and I just seemed clingy by asking him to explain himself when he was just wanting downtime to process the health news."


No, no, no, no, no, no, no!

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