Going with your gut?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2003
Going with your gut?
13
Fri, 06-08-2007 - 10:26am

I wonder about this sometimes. I've always been told to "go with your gut," but I have to say the gut has not always been right.

Anyway, reason I'm thinking about this is because of a posting on a Myspace page. My old BF from a few years ago has a page up and he blogs from time to time. I read it, not because I have any feelings for him but because I'm interested in what's going on with him. That's about it.

He was dating a girl late last year, and HER blog was up as well, so I would read hers too. Long story short, they dated for about three months and he broke it off with her, giving her the very same tired excuses that he gave me (mostly the "busy with work" line). So when I saw THAT posted in her blog - I knew what was up probably before SHE did. (I didn't say anything though - it's none of my business.) And then he broke it off with her and she was devastated.

So a few days ago, she has posted on her blog something about "going with your gut or your head?" (Apparently they "made peace" with one another.) I don't know for certain, but I imagine that he's probably got her as a "friend" while he chases other girls around (which is what he did with me).

Anyway, now I'm seeing this from a detatched view and seeing how ridiculous it looks. He's telling her what she needs to hear, and she's interpreting it the way she needs or wants.

So how reliable is "going with your gut" then anway? Because when I see this - I can see how emotions can lead you astray. Maybe "going with your gut" is not always the smartest way to go?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2005
Fri, 06-08-2007 - 10:52am
I think sometimes people confuse their gut with their wishful thinking.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Fri, 06-08-2007 - 11:24am
If she feels the need to blog about it, it's likely that her "gut" is telling her something's still not quite right and she's still trying to sort it out for herself.

AJ, enjoying life with C.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 06-08-2007 - 11:33am

My "gut" is only reliable when it's negative (and then it's 100% reliable or pretty darn close--I've had way too many occasions where I thought, "oh, I'm beling silly/I'm overreacting" only to find out that I was right). I've realized that any positive "gut feelings" were really only wishful thinking/projection on my part.

Sheri

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Fri, 06-08-2007 - 11:53am

Yep, I agree.

Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Fri, 06-08-2007 - 12:04pm
I've always thought that by going with my gut, I was going with intuition, not emotion. Is intuition a form of emotion? It's hard to say, I think going with my "gut" has gotten me into trouble a few times but I'm sure it's kept me out of trouble, too.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-30-2007
Fri, 06-08-2007 - 12:57pm

I believe strongly in trusting my instincts, or "going with my gut".

But your instinct sometimes is only as good as the information you are "receiving". Pick a word, in the end he was lying to each of you . .. he was a con. I just got out of a very short relationship, all the right things being said, but at this point my instincts told me something was wrong. Well she asked my son to leave my house and sleep else where one night so we could have "private time". One of these "no offence" questions. Gone. (-: On the spot. Grrrr . .. don't mess with my kids. (-:

I think my point is, brain or gut, if you are not getting the right information you are flying blind . . .and in that case if your "gut" nags at you . .. trust it. Your "brain" process the information it has . . . your gut sometimes can see past it, raise those flags. That does not make it perfect however, and you cant let a good con rock your confidence in it. We all suffer that experience from time to time.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2003
Fri, 06-08-2007 - 1:26pm

My thought is that this girl is doing the same thing *I* and many, many other women have done before her and will continue to do. She is giving him the benefit of the doubt.

Of course, this is all speculation, since I don't KNOW her and I'm not involved in the situation. I am only seeing it from the outside.

But my guess from what I've read (and also knowing what *I* did in the same situation) is that she thinks "well, he's a good guy, he's just confused. My BRAIN tells me to get away from him, but my GUT says this is the one and I should just ride this out and eventually he'll come around."

Gad - seeing it from a detatched perspective puts a whole 'nother light on the situation. Makes one realize how *dumb* infatuation can make one.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2003
Fri, 06-08-2007 - 2:04pm

I'm with Sheri and Shywon, I go with my gut and it as been 100% right, especially when its a negative feeling. In fact, its always negative. If I'm having positive feelings those are usually my wishful emotions projecting. Sad but true.

Every single time I felt something wasn't right and there was another women, I was right. Every single time. I can't wait to be wrong one of these days!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-30-2007
Fri, 06-08-2007 - 2:10pm
Yep . .. guilty as well.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2003
Fri, 06-08-2007 - 2:14pm

Unfortunately I have never had a gut instinct involving a relationship that has been correct.

On other things, yeah, my instincts are usually correct. But my instincts regarding other people, especially those of the opposite sex, are almost always wrong, wrong, wrong. I usually find that I should have gone with my brain.

Hence I am a big skeptic when I get involved with another person. I have to rely on that gray matter because the gut is useless.

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