got everything i thought i wanted...

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2007
got everything i thought i wanted...
1
Sat, 04-21-2007 - 12:50am

During undergrad, I began dating a guy 3 years older. He was a kind, sweet boyfriend and we fell in love quickly. We became quite serious and dated for 2 years. When he left for grad school in another state, he gave me a promise ring, telling me he wanted to marry me when we were both settled.

My guy and I were forced to do the long distance thing, seeing eachother about once a month. Things worked out well for a few months, but as the time dragged on, I grew restless. I began to become irritated with my boyfriend, finding his visits less and less fulfilling. By the 11th month of long distance, he and I were constantly fighting (I take significant blame for this). I nagged him daily and was frustrated with the entire situation. I felt I could find someone “better” who I could actually spend time with. Through all of the fighting, he began to lose feelings for me as well and eventually, we broke up. We promised one another that we might try things again if the opportunity presented itself.

I was happy to be single for a few months, but I soon missed him. I became very sad and felt I had made a terrible mistake. About a month ago, I asked him to take me back. He refused me, saying we broke up for a reason and that he believed it wouldn’t work.

I was greatly hurt by the rejection, but eventually managed to pull myself together and start to accept the fact that I was single.

My luck seemed to be improving and last weekend, I was asked on a date by a very attractive, smart, funny and classy guy (a dream guy! EVERYTHING I HAVE EVER WANTED!!...or so I thought). I was so flattered and excited to go on the date.

HOWEVER, yesterday, I found out that my ex has a new girlfriend. She is 4 years older than I am and entirely opposite in every way. I am so pained by this… my heart hurts and I have completely lost all desire to even talk to anyone else (even my perfect new date). I have been miserable since I have heard the news and can’t manage push it out of my head. I want so badly to be excited for the good things in MY life and be able to remember exactly why I broke up with my ex. I have forgotten everything that made me unhappy with him.

I feel as if I am going insane and can’t figure out why my dream guy isn’t even the slightest bit appealing anymore. How can I deal with this hurt? Has anyone ever been in a similar situation? It is eating away at me.

Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Sat, 04-21-2007 - 10:37pm

I had an ex turn around and move in with a lady who was my exact opposite. He was living with her within weeks of our break-up and in case you are wondering, we never lived together. Not that it's important to the story. Anyway, I was already miserable but to find this out, it was devastating. It made me physically ill.

All I can tell you is, at least someone has shown some interest in you. You know that you are a desireable woman. Try to focus on the positive things for now. I promise that one day you will wake up and that pit in your stomache will be gone. When I went through this, I stayed as busy as I possibly could, that helped tremendously.