Got her number but I AM SO UNCOOL!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2005
Got her number but I AM SO UNCOOL!
107
Fri, 03-31-2006 - 7:55am

Continuing on from this saga:

http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=iv-rlsinglelovi&msg=6371.1&ctx=128

After the usual small talk, hesitation and missed opportunities I finally got around to asking for her number. But it’s not like I was suave in any way, no, I just blurted it out like an idiot...AN IDIOT!

I handed in my towel and she returned my membership card (it is in a small wallet with a bit of paper with my name on it). This embarrassing conversation is what followed:

Me: You know what you should do? Give me your mobile number, that way the next time we are both free we can arrange to do something.

Her: Ok, Shall I write it on the back of this?

Me: Yes.

Her: It’s a new number

Me: I’m sure you won’t make a mistake.

She handed back the bit of paper complete with her number on the back and as I took it I looked up at her. She was smiling, but it appeared as though she was embarrassed, her normally pale face was a shade of red. I put the bit of paper back into the wallet, said “Thanks” and walked out.

So, how did I do?

Is it worth pursuing?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2005
Tue, 04-04-2006 - 1:32pm

So let me see if I understand this correctly. It shouldn't worry her that I might lose interest for not replying to my text? If you were advising her, what would you tell her to do now? Let me guess, you would tell her to ignore the text and wait until I called? What would that prove? (Assuming it would be your advice)

The fact is, I'm not going to call unless she replies to my text. Ignoring a polite text message is IMO A very LOUD AND CLEAR message that she isn't interested.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
Tue, 04-04-2006 - 1:49pm
I think it would have been better if you called her but...
(sigh), if she doesn't respond, then maybe you have your answer.
Still.. I think texts are like emails. Maybe she didn't read it so she can't respond which is why it would have been best to call her or confront her in person.
But if she doesn't respond, maybe you do have your answer.
Personally, I think you're making to much of all of this and since you are, maybe it just isn't to be.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Tue, 04-04-2006 - 1:50pm

>>Stacey, would it make a difference whether your crush text or called?<<

I'm not Stacey, but yes it makes a difference. If a guy asked for my number, I would expect him to call.

By the way, it is much more personal (and better for you) if she hears your voice. Gets the blood flowing a bit more, I think.

AJ, enjoying life with C.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 04-04-2006 - 1:54pm

Well, personally, if I were still interested, I'd probably send a text response saying something like "pls call", because yes, there would be some concern about what message it would send if I didn't respond at all. But then again, I might not (or I might wait a few days before responding to see if he called)...because as I said, I'd be annoyed by him sending the text rather than calling in the first place, *especially* if he'd had my number for a while and hadn't called. My interest level would have been lowered by both behaviors (possibly to the point where I wouldn't really care about what message my non-response was sending)...but it could be raised again by getting a phone call.

Anyway...you can't assume that you *know* why she's not responding. It might be because she's not interested, or there might be another reason. You won't know for sure unless and until you call.

Look...if you want to create barriers to the possibility of a date with her, then you are doing the right thing. If you want to see if she's interested in going out with you, however, then you will only know that if you CALL and ask her out.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Tue, 04-04-2006 - 1:54pm

text messages can disappear

Also - if all of her friends constantly text her, you're just lining up as one of the crowd. Stand out - CALL.

She also could have received the text in a place where it was inappropriate to reply -- and she's testing you to see if you will be a man and CALL.

Who cares if she didn't respond to a TM -- calling is the only real way to see if she's interested.

AJ, enjoying life with C.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Tue, 04-04-2006 - 2:11pm

~Sigh~

I agree with Sheri. You're creating barriers between her and you now and thats not good if you actually want to date her. I think its an unconscious thing but you're still doing it.

Texting or emailing is not a turn on for me. My SO and I primarily keep in touch through IM so him emailing me a message is sweet and thoughtful but calling is MUCH better and it always gets my attention. Gets the blood flowing like someone else here said (I think it was Lesley). At any rate, please call her. You're driving 7 or 8 women and one man crazy with the suspense.

Ruby

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2005
Tue, 04-04-2006 - 2:36pm
Ruby, I didn't put any barriers up! I have been trying to remove them. So I sent a text instead of calling, is it REALLY such an unforgivable act? Before the telephone was invented we sent telegrams, maybe I should have done that!? They were considered romantic weren't they?
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2003
Tue, 04-04-2006 - 2:53pm

Hey Hal -

You haven't answered the question of what exactly you are so afraid of.

Sounds to me like you're projecting your feelings on to her. YOU have a crush on HER - she doesn't necessarily have a crush on YOU. She may like you - but that's not the same thing. And we all know that attractive women get hit on every single day. So let's fact it - you're probably one of the many. And you're not really standing out and getting yourself noticed by TEXTING her and saying "hey what's up?" Are you 15 years old?

So let's say you call her and ask her to coffee. What's she going to say? She's either going to say Yes or No. Yes - great. No - oh well. What's so horrible about hearing no? We all have to hear it.

So - answer the question. What are you so afraid of?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Tue, 04-04-2006 - 3:04pm

The text message is not REALLY unforgiveable but the fact that you've had her digits for a week and haven't done something about it IS a barrier. I don't care if you see her at the gym everyday..you haven't done anything to push your interests out in front of her other than chatting with her when you hand in your towel. And I'm sure many other men do the same thing with her and so at this point, you're just a guy who hands her his sweaty towel, talks to her for a few minutes and leaves. The only thing you have over the rest of those guys is her number and you haven't done anything with that either.

Yes telegrams were romantic but I would argue they were used more because people couldn't afford phones. My great grandfather singing on his horse as he rode up the dirt road to court my grandma was romantic but most men dont ride horses these days. I still write letters to my SO even though we talk everyday in some form. But text messaging is impersonal even though its all the rage nowadays. I see people do it to set up appointments, chat with friends in class, but I dont see it as a means to pick up a date or convey your interest to a woman and be sure that she herself is interested. If you're dating her for 6 months and you're in the comfort of a relationship, and you send texts to her, fine. But in the first phases of a dating situation, a phone call is the way to go.

Ruby

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2005
Tue, 04-04-2006 - 3:20pm
SHE REPLIED!

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