Got her number but I AM SO UNCOOL!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2005
Got her number but I AM SO UNCOOL!
107
Fri, 03-31-2006 - 7:55am

Continuing on from this saga:

http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=iv-rlsinglelovi&msg=6371.1&ctx=128

After the usual small talk, hesitation and missed opportunities I finally got around to asking for her number. But it’s not like I was suave in any way, no, I just blurted it out like an idiot...AN IDIOT!

I handed in my towel and she returned my membership card (it is in a small wallet with a bit of paper with my name on it). This embarrassing conversation is what followed:

Me: You know what you should do? Give me your mobile number, that way the next time we are both free we can arrange to do something.

Her: Ok, Shall I write it on the back of this?

Me: Yes.

Her: It’s a new number

Me: I’m sure you won’t make a mistake.

She handed back the bit of paper complete with her number on the back and as I took it I looked up at her. She was smiling, but it appeared as though she was embarrassed, her normally pale face was a shade of red. I put the bit of paper back into the wallet, said “Thanks” and walked out.

So, how did I do?

Is it worth pursuing?

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-13-2003
Wed, 04-05-2006 - 6:15am

I don't normally post on this board as I am not single but read it regularly and feel as though I 'know' some people quite well.. this thread is fascinating to say the least and I cannot believe a grown up man can be THAT terrified of rejection.. And as far as texting is concerned: when my boyfriend and I met two years ago he texted me the day after we met and the next day but for some reason I did not get his messages till a few days later, there was some problem with the mobile phone service provider! He didn't get replies to 2 or 3 of his texts and still decided to phone me the day after that and it all got cleared - I was VERY interested, I just didn't get the texts!! The rest is history... Had he been procrasitnating and thinking and analysing and saying I won't ring till she replies the outcome would have been totally different! Being pursued by a man in an old-fashioned kind of way is very attractive to a woman. So what that you don't get a text back? Phone anayway. You got a text back? Don't reply with a text - just phone her and insist on a date!
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
Wed, 04-05-2006 - 9:43am

Preach it, sister! I completely agree.

On a different note, I will email you through your profile if I end up going to Seattle. I am supposed to be there the week after next but my knee injury might preclude that. I had my MRI last night and I see the surgeon on Monday so my gimpy butt should know by then.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2005
Wed, 04-05-2006 - 9:50am
Good luck with your knee Jules. Hope all goes well. :-)
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2005
Wed, 04-05-2006 - 10:08am

I am not THAT terrified of rejection, there is just way too much contradictory advice and opinion..

Women supposedly love spontaneity but think being sent a text without seeking permission is rude....HUH???

What about the notion that women like men that are a challenge???

And what about this snippet from a dating advice site?

------------------------------------------------------
How soon do you let a woman know that you are "interested" in her?

Here's a powerful tip: If you treat a woman more like a friend, rather than someone you're romantically interested in, this can really dial up the attraction.

A friend of mine recently told me about a woman that was so stunning he honestly didn't think he had a chance with her, so he thought he'd just kick back and have fun while they were together.

He didn't try to impress her. He didn't make any moves. He didn't act clingy or needy, because he didn't think he was even in the "game."

What was the result?

Well, this detached, non-wuss behavior worked like magic to super-charge the attraction, and actually set the stage for a long-term relationship.

Attractive women are used to guys acting clingy and super-interested from day 1, and it's a huge turnoff.

So instead, lean back a bit, be cool, and then enjoy your results.

------------------------------------------------------

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-13-2003
Wed, 04-05-2006 - 10:43am

I've read the whole thread and find that the majority of advise is not at all contradictory.. I am very curious - what did she say in her text?? Let me know and I'll try and tell you what she's thinking!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 04-05-2006 - 10:59am

Spontaneity is useful AFTER you and she have dated many times because it is exciting.

I cannot comment on your friend's case, although it is true that something like your friend experienced can happen. However, it seems to me, your behaviors are already broadcasting your interest. Thus, it is silly not to follow up with a phone call.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
Wed, 04-05-2006 - 11:52am
Thanks, Lesley.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Wed, 04-05-2006 - 12:05pm

Hal, you actually have to go out on a date before the woman will develop interest in you. Period. Trying to build up this desire in her while asking for her number and not following up will just tick her off - and she'll go find somone who will actually call her and ask her out.

I agree with a previous poster. Most of us women really enjoy the old-fashioned chase where the guy pursues us. Forget all these so-called "modern rules" -- women still want to feel wanted. If you don't make her feel like she's worth the effort of a phone call and setting up a date, she WILL lose interest.

AJ, enjoying life with C.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 04-05-2006 - 12:16pm

Great, please do let me know if you're coming, I'd love to meet you! Yikes about the possible knee surgery though...

Sheri

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 04-05-2006 - 12:30pm

Who said women love spontaneity??? Definitely not THIS woman, and most emphatically NOT in the beginning! I and the women I know LOVE a man with a plan...THAT is what impresses us. If a guy we're interested in calls and asks us out in advance for a date they've obviously given some thought to...now THAT is something many of us will react positively to.

And I'm sure there are some women who like men who are a "challenge" and who play hard to get...but that "friends" thing would be a total turn off to me. I want to KNOW he's interested...that is a turn on. Besides, there's a whole lot of room on the spectrum between "clingy and needy", on the one end, and pretending to not be interested on the other...it's not "either/or" as the snippet you posted seems to assume. Striking that balance is what's important, at least to me.

But the bottom line is, you're never going to find a "one size fits all" answer that applies to ALL women, because we are individuals, not the Borg. All this overanalizing and 2nd guessing is just more bricks and mortar on that barrier you're building ;-).

Sheri

Pages