Got shot down......again.........

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-27-2002
Got shot down......again.........
14
Mon, 11-26-2012 - 7:28pm

Hi,

Well, I've been out of the dating pool for some time, but I moved to a new area in Toronto........a few Saturday nights ago I went out to a pub.  Just chatting and socializing, but one guy really took an interest in me.  He had definitely had more to drink than me, but by the time I left he was holding my hands and asked to kiss me (I wouldn't let him - public place, people not really knowing me, etc.).  He wanted to "come over" that night - I refused, but he did ask a lot about me and took my number.

We had coffee a week or so later - he was actually quite nice, and as I suspected, we had a lot in common.  He made a comment that night though when he said "I"m happy being single" (he's 44).  I was actually  not going to contact him again, but at the end of the night when I joked that he liked being single, he said "Oh, but we can meet up for a drink some time."

I texted him last week and on Friday, we met up at a different pub.  I actually was quite done up - I guess I still have it in me when I do my hair, etc. (it had been a while since I made that "effort" to feel sexy). He commented on my appearance.......we hung out the whole night. Once again, the conversation was great. At the end of the night, he kissed me repeatedly (actually, not such a good kisser!! lol) and we shared a cab - him to his place, me to mine.

I texted him yesterday to ask him if he wanted to come over tomorrow night and get a pizza (we live in the same neighbourhood).  I got this response "Hi Mel.....unfortuantely I'm busy for the next few nights.  Maybe some other time? Keep in touch".  Ahhh!!! Not that bad but I guess he really didn't want to get involved.

Trying to bury this one and not feel rejected........just not sure that any men out there really want "girlfriends" anymore.........I think they want "girl" "friends" (as in, see you on the week-end, drink with you, don't have to meet your family/hear about your problems kind of thing).

Boo....... :(

Mel

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Mon, 11-26-2012 - 8:10pm

Well boo to him.  Did he say if he has ever been married or in a serious relationship?  I'd say that a guy who is 44 & hasn't been married or serious about someone is a bad candidate for a relationship--in this case, it's definitely not you, it's him.  He just wants someone to hang out with occasionally & is probably worried that you want "too much" from him even if you only wanted pizza.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-27-2002
Mon, 11-26-2012 - 8:11pm

Oh....I forgot to add......on Friday night as soon as I got home from our date I got a text from him saying "Miss you already".  I responded with - "Me too - thanks for the great night."

Community Leader
Registered: 07-16-2001
Mon, 11-26-2012 - 8:53pm
I think I'd tell him to let me know when he's available and leave it at that. I don't know that I'd say he rejected you. He may really be busy with something he's not ready to involve you in. I'd be upset that he didn't suggest another night, but don't give up hope just yet!
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2009
Mon, 11-26-2012 - 9:02pm
I dunno the asking to "come up" when you first met and constant not so great kissing screams hook up to me. Now if that's the kind of friendship you want as well then go for it, but I don't get the sense that he wants a platonic friend or a serious girlfriend. If my hunch is right then it's possible he's conveniently busy because he was able to line up a sure thing. If you're wanting a relationship then I wouldn't put much effort into this guy. He's probably fine to hang out with casually, but still single at his age and happily so? Doubtful that will change.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-27-2002
Mon, 11-26-2012 - 9:27pm

Yes, probably.  If he is still single, it's probably for a reason (choice).

I know he works from 6:30 to 3:30 so maybe a week-night (non heavy drinking date) was inconvenient.

Single, unattached men at 40 are a fairy tale!! lol

Mel

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Mon, 11-26-2012 - 10:04pm

Mel.. He is just not that into you.. Have you read that book?

Def. sounds like he just wanted a hook up and you were brave enough and smart enough to not go there.. Good for you..

Well if its any consolation you got to practice and hang out with a man and next guy or next guy will be the one for you.. You will def. know it when he comes along and he will be into YOU.. Have to kiss alot of frogs and all you know (lol)

throw this one back into the pond..

take care

Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Tue, 11-27-2012 - 4:56pm

  IMO you did not get shot down.  You are dealing with a adult that has things in his life.  Many people have a lot of activities that they do and like.  A young person who may not have as much going on.  It is possible that your expectations set you up to feel that you were "dumped".  To me i do not see that.  He may want to be a weekend friend while perhaps you assumed that he should want to see you during the week. 

chaika

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-10-2012
Tue, 11-27-2012 - 5:49pm

yes they are!    

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Tue, 11-27-2012 - 6:04pm

Florida;; Yes I like what you said..

CFK;; yes and that is true.. Trolls come and go on here.. Good analysis..

I just wish Julia would tell us why she continues to stalk us on the singles board.. without any good criticism.. I mean its  a SINGLES board and she is not single.. HELLO MCFLY

I also think JT is not single but atleast he always has good things to say and we need all the men we can get on here.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2006
Wed, 11-28-2012 - 8:04am

Hi Mel, always nice to see you posting here! First of all - please dont get discouraged by this one tiny *failure*! There is a reason why this i***t is *never married and unattached* at the age of 44 - he is not worth one minute of your thoughts! You are doing all the right things to *let it happen very soon* with someone who is *meant to be*!! I must say i admire your courage to just go to a new pub alone and socialise there with people so easily! And then considering that you just started a new job and moved to a new area, it brings my admiration for you to a whole new level :)! Anyway, what i wanted to ask is - how is your new job doing? May i ask what it is, the job, do you like it? (i am the executive secretary to a zoo director in one of the biggest zoos in northern Germany by the way) How long is your commute to work now, i hope its now reduced?

I truely wish you all the best !

Rocklady.

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