Got shot down......again.........

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-27-2002
Got shot down......again.........
Mon, 11-26-2012 - 7:28pm


Well, I've been out of the dating pool for some time, but I moved to a new area in Toronto........a few Saturday nights ago I went out to a pub.  Just chatting and socializing, but one guy really took an interest in me.  He had definitely had more to drink than me, but by the time I left he was holding my hands and asked to kiss me (I wouldn't let him - public place, people not really knowing me, etc.).  He wanted to "come over" that night - I refused, but he did ask a lot about me and took my number.

We had coffee a week or so later - he was actually quite nice, and as I suspected, we had a lot in common.  He made a comment that night though when he said "I"m happy being single" (he's 44).  I was actually  not going to contact him again, but at the end of the night when I joked that he liked being single, he said "Oh, but we can meet up for a drink some time."

I texted him last week and on Friday, we met up at a different pub.  I actually was quite done up - I guess I still have it in me when I do my hair, etc. (it had been a while since I made that "effort" to feel sexy). He commented on my appearance.......we hung out the whole night. Once again, the conversation was great. At the end of the night, he kissed me repeatedly (actually, not such a good kisser!! lol) and we shared a cab - him to his place, me to mine.

I texted him yesterday to ask him if he wanted to come over tomorrow night and get a pizza (we live in the same neighbourhood).  I got this response "Hi Mel.....unfortuantely I'm busy for the next few nights.  Maybe some other time? Keep in touch".  Ahhh!!! Not that bad but I guess he really didn't want to get involved.

Trying to bury this one and not feel rejected........just not sure that any men out there really want "girlfriends" anymore.........I think they want "girl" "friends" (as in, see you on the week-end, drink with you, don't have to meet your family/hear about your problems kind of thing).

Boo....... :(



Community Leader
Registered: 10-22-2001
Tue, 12-04-2012 - 6:04pm

It made me think of that song by D. Hall and J. Oates, you know the one about the "Kiss on their List"...;)... Youtube

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2012
Wed, 11-28-2012 - 11:43pm

This guy is probaby playing games,, making himself unavalable.

Either way, I thought you didn't like his kiss? lol

He may not be worth it since a kiss says it all.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-27-2002
Wed, 11-28-2012 - 7:11pm

Hi Rocklady,

Thanks for your positive post.  I agree this is a minor thing........I guess I resolved a long time ago to not get involved with guys in pubs because well.......they seem to not have a lot of integrity and they are usually after a night out with a full happy ending!! lol.  I guess I was just disappointed in this case.......the initial signs pointed to what I just mentioned, but I tried to string it out into something more.  Clearly, that was not to be.  Back to my original point!! lol.

The job has its challenges......I am working in direct mail for a publishing company.  My job is not that busy, but I get along well with the other people there, so I'm hoping it will progress.

Thank you again for your positive comments.  The area I'm in is fairly friendly so it's not too bad mustering up the courage to go in :)

Take Care,

Mel :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Wed, 11-28-2012 - 10:14am

wow.. all I can say is good performance and bravo for being the Devil's advocate.. I do it myself alot..


iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2006
Wed, 11-28-2012 - 8:04am

Hi Mel, always nice to see you posting here! First of all - please dont get discouraged by this one tiny *failure*! There is a reason why this i***t is *never married and unattached* at the age of 44 - he is not worth one minute of your thoughts! You are doing all the right things to *let it happen very soon* with someone who is *meant to be*!! I must say i admire your courage to just go to a new pub alone and socialise there with people so easily! And then considering that you just started a new job and moved to a new area, it brings my admiration for you to a whole new level :)! Anyway, what i wanted to ask is - how is your new job doing? May i ask what it is, the job, do you like it? (i am the executive secretary to a zoo director in one of the biggest zoos in northern Germany by the way) How long is your commute to work now, i hope its now reduced?

I truely wish you all the best !


iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Tue, 11-27-2012 - 6:04pm

Florida;; Yes I like what you said..

CFK;; yes and that is true.. Trolls come and go on here.. Good analysis..

I just wish Julia would tell us why she continues to stalk us on the singles board.. without any good criticism.. I mean its  a SINGLES board and she is not single.. HELLO MCFLY

I also think JT is not single but atleast he always has good things to say and we need all the men we can get on here.


iVillage Member
Registered: 05-10-2012
Tue, 11-27-2012 - 5:49pm

yes they are!    

Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Tue, 11-27-2012 - 4:56pm

  IMO you did not get shot down.  You are dealing with a adult that has things in his life.  Many people have a lot of activities that they do and like.  A young person who may not have as much going on.  It is possible that your expectations set you up to feel that you were "dumped".  To me i do not see that.  He may want to be a weekend friend while perhaps you assumed that he should want to see you during the week. 


iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Mon, 11-26-2012 - 10:04pm

Mel.. He is just not that into you.. Have you read that book?

Def. sounds like he just wanted a hook up and you were brave enough and smart enough to not go there.. Good for you..

Well if its any consolation you got to practice and hang out with a man and next guy or next guy will be the one for you.. You will def. know it when he comes along and he will be into YOU.. Have to kiss alot of frogs and all you know (lol)

throw this one back into the pond..

take care

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-27-2002
Mon, 11-26-2012 - 9:27pm

Yes, probably.  If he is still single, it's probably for a reason (choice).

I know he works from 6:30 to 3:30 so maybe a week-night (non heavy drinking date) was inconvenient.

Single, unattached men at 40 are a fairy tale!! lol