Great article on "Dry Spells"

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2005
Great article on "Dry Spells"
9
Mon, 03-13-2006 - 8:08am

So I came across this article on iVillage and thought I'd post a link to it in case some of us are feeling down about our "dry spells."

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Mon, 03-13-2006 - 11:32am

Good article! Yes, I am dangerously close to entering that asexual zone these days. Maybe it is time for a fling, or at least a good make-out session. ;)

It was my birthday yesterday. I made it through pretty unscathed - but I did think to myself that I was with my most recent ex one year ago on my birthday, and my long-term ex two years ago on my birthday. No men in sight this year. The past year has been full of a string of not-so-great dates and semi-relationships, but not the most stellar in the romance department. I'm ready for something stellar, let me tell you. :)

AJ, enjoying life with C.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2006
Mon, 03-13-2006 - 12:12pm
Great article! I agree with a lot of the points, because they've certainly held true for me.

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Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 03-13-2006 - 12:22pm

Huh...I have to say, I was not impressed with the article....yet another "you must be doing something wrong, you must not be trying hard enough" article, was how it struck me.

And personally, I think telling people to try flings without acknowledging the risk they carry for most women is irresponsible...flings can do much more emotional harm than good. If you know flings aren't for you, then you should trust your own judgment.

Sheri

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Mon, 03-13-2006 - 5:54pm

A fling would be nice right now, but I can't even seem to find that.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Mon, 03-13-2006 - 6:32pm

I'm feeling that way, too.

My latest annoyance (aside from the hygiene discussion in the other thread) is men who have a cell phone attached to their ear nonstop. They don't even see the world around them, let alone have the presence of mind to notice an attractive woman in the area. It's like none of them are even looking.

I'm with you. I refuse to chase. Guess I'll just wait for all of them to get some collective wake-up call from the universe.

AJ, enjoying life with C.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2003
Wed, 03-15-2006 - 2:28pm

I have to agree with Sheri on this one. I've had it with flings and casual sex, I'm ready for something more involved.

I was hoping this article was about dating dry spells. I'm ready for something lasting.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
Thu, 03-16-2006 - 10:10am

<And personally, I think telling people to try flings without acknowledging the risk they carry for most women is irresponsible...flings can do much more emotional harm than good. If you know flings aren't for you, then you should trust your own judgment.>>

Sheri, you are too wise. I agree with you whole heartedly as I usually do.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 03-16-2006 - 10:55am

Oh, I don't know about "wise", but thanks! I'm just feeling the effects of having had two flings recently because I let myself be persuaded by the "go for it" voices (both in my head and from friends), and while I take full responsiblity for my choice, I really have mixed feelings about having done so. I don't regret either one, exactly, but it's a fallacy, IMO, that (most) women can do it and not feel any negative repurcussions (and I don't mean morally...I have no problem with casual sex in principle, it just doesn't work for ME, because I cannot stay emotionally detached).

Articles like this reinforce the message that "you're a prude and uptight if you're not just fine and dandy with having casual sex"...and I think that's just wrong.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Fri, 03-17-2006 - 4:04pm

>>Articles like this reinforce the message that "you're a prude and uptight if you're not just fine and dandy with having casual sex"...and I think that's just wrong.<<

There's a thread on another board right now about a woman who has felt compelled to dress more sexy when she goes out because she thinks everyone else does, and that's the only way to get a man to notice her in a bar setting.

I think this is along those same lines -- something out there (media, friends, etc) is making women feel like just being themselves and following their own hearts and values is not good enough.

I joked about my current sexual dry spell earlier on this thread and, although it has crossed my mind, I wouldn't have a purely physical fling at this point in my life. I already know it's not enough for me anymore, so why waste the time on energy on something like that. Now, if someone could tell me a way to end my lack-of-quality-men-to-date dry spell, that would be great!!

The one point from the article that I agree with is that we need to remember that we are sexual beings. Over time, I do forget that a bit or place less emphasis on that - and I do think that is conveyed in my "vibe" that I put out. But, you don't need casual sex to remember that you're sexual.

AJ, enjoying life with C.