great personality vs. no commonalities

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-12-2006
great personality vs. no commonalities
9
Tue, 05-15-2007 - 9:05pm

Hi there, all.

I had a nice phone conversation with a guy yesterday. I guess I must've impressed him because he asked me for a meet sometime this week or this weekend. I like his personality (he's got a good sense of humor, very talkative, polite, intelligent), but there's a problem...we don't seem to have anything in common and he has an accent that slightly bothers me.

He tends to like horror movies and I don't. I like romance and comedy movies, he doesn't. So, I ask him if he'd watch action movies (as a compromise) and he said he doesn't like action movies either. Basically, he enjoys a movie that is creative and original.

He likes alternative music, I'm not fully into that type of music. He likes to socially drink. I can't drink anymore, which might make a problem if we were to go out to restaurants.

As for his accent, I can't handle something like that because I can't understand the person 100%. I like to hear every word when a person's talking to me so they know I have their full attention. I would say half of the time, I really didn't understand him and I would just laugh at the comments he made as though I really did understand them. There were some points where I had to ask him to repeat himself and I don't like doing that.

So, I'm asking: Are these dealbreakers or should I work on a compromise? It would be very hard in trying to set up dates with the guy. We can't even go to the movies because we both have different tastes, so there goes that idea for a date.

Should I give up on our first date together because we don't have a common ground? Or should I go and meet with him to find out more about him. It's just a shame -- he really sounds like a great guy. It's just that we don't seem to have anything in common...except that we're computer geeks...well, at least I try to act like one! ;)

I was told that it shouldn't be this difficult in setting up a date with someone and if it is, that should be a dealbreaker.

Opinions and/or advice?

TIA.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-12-2006
Tue, 05-15-2007 - 9:07pm

I just realized that I posted this situation on the wrong board!!!

OOPS! I'm willing to take opinions and/or advice from this one as well.

Have a great night!

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Tue, 05-15-2007 - 11:04pm

I don't think the movie and music thing is that big of deal.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2005
Wed, 05-16-2007 - 10:14am

I think she meant to post it over on the Online Dating board.

Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Wed, 05-16-2007 - 12:17pm
How about just being friends?
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2006
Wed, 05-16-2007 - 5:19pm

Hi,

I agree with the others that different taste in music and movies is negotiable. Hey, you have computers in common, That's important. In a successful RS, it's important to have be compatable in the things that matter and different in the things that don't matter. The things that matter for me would be the way they view money, education, spiritual. The others such as hobies, music, etc...it's more interesting to be different although if they're the same it would be cool too.

Not being able to understand the other person is a big problem for me...Has nothing to do with English being a 2nd language. I went out with a man who was born and raised in the US and highly educated who couldn't complete a sentence and mumbled all the time. Drove me up the wall. Deal breaker for me as well. That's why I don't understand why some men go to some foreign places where neither them or the woman speak a common language and still hook up. Geezz, that certainly doesn't give me any respect for the man b/c he only thinks w his little head.

Avatar for filiasan
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-29-2004
Wed, 05-16-2007 - 5:53pm
I've found out the hard way that commonalities are important. But you can always try to find a common ground. If not? Love it while it lasts, I guess.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2006
Wed, 05-16-2007 - 6:37pm

It sounds like he's fun enough for a date. If you're really concerned, make it a weeknight rather than weekend; they're typically shorter. If you had a good time on the phone, even if you didn't find points of commonality right away, I think one night would be okay. Who knows? You might decide to keep in touch as friends and he might have another single friend that you end up dating!

I laughed when I read that he likes horror movies because they're creative and original. He's seen a different set than I have, I guess :) There are dramas and thrillers that contain aspects of all the kinds you both like -- it might work. For a single date, I don't think this is a deal breaker.

I like alternative music as well, and quite a bit of it crosses over. If he mentioned bands that he likes, fire up iTunes and listen to some samples. Again I don't think it's a dealbreaker for a date and even generally speaking it's rare that you're simply sitting with a group of people just listening to music.

The accent... that could be a deal breaker because communication is tough enough without understanding him! Still, if you go out on a date, you could just say that you're having a hard time understanding him, could he speak a little slower until you get used to it? If you tell him, at least he'll understand when you ask him to repeat himself.

Overall, I think one date would be okay (what's one night out of your life?) but maybe be ready with the, "I had a great time tonight, but I don't think we have enough in common to go forward" line.

I know you said you posted on the wrong board, but I hope you'll keep us updated!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-12-2006
Wed, 05-16-2007 - 7:03pm

That's probably what might have to happen.

But we'll see what happens if we get together.

Thank you to you, shywon, and countrygirl for the advice.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-12-2006
Wed, 05-16-2007 - 8:41pm

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What I meant was that he likes movies that are creative and original in idea, in which they tend to be horror flicks. For example, he wants to see the movie "28 syaD retaL" (spelt backwards to prevent the search engines from picking up this post - he checks links to movies - I know, paranoid me! lol!) and he would like to pick up a copy of "s'naP htnirybaL". He's mentioned to me that there are romance movies, but they're horror like "ehT worC" and I just cannot, cannot stand blood and gore. Maybe shywon's right that maybe it depends on who you're watching the movie with.

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I like certain alternative groups. I think the one band that he likes that I like is The Cure. All the other bands he's mentioned, I don't know who they are.

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Thank you and all the others for the advice and opinions. I will see how it goes on the first date and I will definitely let you know.